Triggers...
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Originally Posted by Learn2Live 
Lotus is your Dad alcoholic by chance?
BUT, I guess the whole Alcoholism thing really was never present when I was growing up, since my mom hardly ever drinks and was very much against drugs and binge drinking. Hm... not sure where I'm going with this here... just trying to answer your question, I guess. What direction was I supposed to go with this... any help?
To thine own self be true.
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I guess. What direction was I supposed to go with this... any help?
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Originally Posted by Learn2Live
No particular direction. I was just reminded of me and thought maybe you matched my own hypothesis about myself, which is that perhaps I needed to feel like I conquered over the alcohol with an alcoholic or addicted man in my adulthood, which would represent conquering the alcohol in my father's alcoholism which I wasn't able to do in my childhood. Not sure if that made any sense or not.
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Until I recently, if there was an emotionally unavailable man in the room, I'd have him in my sights. "Oooh, there's one that'll run away. Treat me badly. Maybe we'll have great make up sex then he'll trash me in a few days." All subconscious of course. But powerful, that drive was. Overwhelming. I see it here every day in posts like, "I feel like I"m dying, help," or, "how do we let go?"
All of us here seem to have or still do gravitate towards neglectful and abusive partners. We're all in different stages of realizing that. We're all searching for a way out of the pain.
For me it's less about alcoholism specifically and more about my emotional addiction to abandonment in any form. Alcoholics just offer up abandonment in perfect style, but other folks have given me that thrill as well. I kept going back, kept trying to manipulate the outcome. Looking back, I just wanted the chance to finally make whoever doesn't love me, love me. I wanted to win. Gave myself thousands, tens of thousands of chances to tip the scale and make someone who consistently rejected me to love me. I rationalized, denied, manipulated, made myself physically, emotionally, spiritually and intellectually sick.
It never worked. Never. Oh, sure the cycle would come round to the part where the offending lover would be sorry and throw me some crumbs which I hung onto like a life line in the ocean. "See!? I did it!"
But there was never a consistent, emotionally available or supportive relationship. Not with men and often times, not in friendships. I chose that on a deep subconscious level.
The only thing that has worked is that "Journey from Abandonment to Healing," book, healing from the Spirits and my conscious choice to love myself. And let the folks who actually love me do so. But how did I get there? How is it I now look at postings here of folks who go back repeatedly into dangerous or very neglectful situations and can see myself? See how I used to be there? How did I escape?
How do we emerge from a subconscious reactionary stage into awareness of ourselves and our choices? How did i reach the point where I was willing to go without that pain in order to feel better?
How do we initially see past that unawareness? How does one emerge from an unconscious state to seeing our behavoir in a different light?
Just as alcoholics have to reach bottom, so did I. And the kind folks here sharing their stories finally found a foothold and creeped into my desperate-soaked brain.
I'm no expert, but I often see that "tough love," stuff works for whatever reasons with recovering addicts and alcoholics. Me personally, that triggers my PTSD and I've appreciated SO MUCH the postings of Cat's Pajamas
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ease-read.html
that encourages folks to because the ESH of others here and their kind guidance has given me mountains of realizations and brought me to a state of self evaluation that nothing else has been able to.
Being kind to myself while evaluating, honestly, what my motives and actions are bringing me is a beautiful thing. Admitting powerlessness, believing in a HP and opening up to that beauty and wisdom of the HP when I'm most frightened has saved me.
Love wins Lotus. At least in this girls life.
All of us here seem to have or still do gravitate towards neglectful and abusive partners. We're all in different stages of realizing that. We're all searching for a way out of the pain.
For me it's less about alcoholism specifically and more about my emotional addiction to abandonment in any form. Alcoholics just offer up abandonment in perfect style, but other folks have given me that thrill as well. I kept going back, kept trying to manipulate the outcome. Looking back, I just wanted the chance to finally make whoever doesn't love me, love me. I wanted to win. Gave myself thousands, tens of thousands of chances to tip the scale and make someone who consistently rejected me to love me. I rationalized, denied, manipulated, made myself physically, emotionally, spiritually and intellectually sick.
It never worked. Never. Oh, sure the cycle would come round to the part where the offending lover would be sorry and throw me some crumbs which I hung onto like a life line in the ocean. "See!? I did it!"
But there was never a consistent, emotionally available or supportive relationship. Not with men and often times, not in friendships. I chose that on a deep subconscious level.
The only thing that has worked is that "Journey from Abandonment to Healing," book, healing from the Spirits and my conscious choice to love myself. And let the folks who actually love me do so. But how did I get there? How is it I now look at postings here of folks who go back repeatedly into dangerous or very neglectful situations and can see myself? See how I used to be there? How did I escape?
How do we emerge from a subconscious reactionary stage into awareness of ourselves and our choices? How did i reach the point where I was willing to go without that pain in order to feel better?
How do we initially see past that unawareness? How does one emerge from an unconscious state to seeing our behavoir in a different light?
Just as alcoholics have to reach bottom, so did I. And the kind folks here sharing their stories finally found a foothold and creeped into my desperate-soaked brain.
I'm no expert, but I often see that "tough love," stuff works for whatever reasons with recovering addicts and alcoholics. Me personally, that triggers my PTSD and I've appreciated SO MUCH the postings of Cat's Pajamas
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ease-read.html
that encourages folks to
Do: Express your concern, if necessary, in a kind and gentle manner. Don't repeat yourself over and over again. It doesn't work. It isn't effective with your A's, and it's not effective here. Learn to say what you need to say and say it once, maybe twice. If you say it more than that you're trying to manipulate and control the outcome.
Being kind to myself while evaluating, honestly, what my motives and actions are bringing me is a beautiful thing. Admitting powerlessness, believing in a HP and opening up to that beauty and wisdom of the HP when I'm most frightened has saved me.
Love wins Lotus. At least in this girls life.
Last edited by transformyself; 11-24-2010 at 09:09 AM. Reason: redundancy. a few typos
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Originally Posted by campsurf
Trigger is the name of Roy Roger's Horse... everything else is me getting angry...
BTW.. have I said it lately.. I don't do active addiction.
BTW.. have I said it lately.. I don't do active addiction.
Getting angry, reacting, being afraid...I guess a rose by another other name is still a rose?
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Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Bristol TN/VA
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No, not really, it isn't the same thing.
The term "triggers" has a very valid meaning and phenomenon with PTSD.
Many people who have lived with alcoholism develop some degree of PTSD, I know I did and also associated with other things.
It is advised to me for me to avoid actively my triggers.
Certain types of scenes on television/movies will completely unhinge me and cause me to have night terrors and nightmares.
Mr Live helps protect me from this. He will say, no this isn't something you want to see, or I don't think you want to hear this and I appreciate that.
Just like I do not want to live with and addict because it makes me sick, this is very very similar. Why would I want to expose myself to known triggers? I know they will make me sick.
I almost never watch any anyway..but almost a year ago I wanted to watch something on a native south american culture...when they depicted the raids slaughtering families, I lost it entirely. It messed me up for 3 days. And I spoke to my counselor and my dr about it.
He said that is the nature of it...you never know when it is going to pop up. Often it causes horrid flashbacks and memories and the same feelings as if it were happening again.
That"s just not anywhere I want to go...so I don't.
The term "triggers" has a very valid meaning and phenomenon with PTSD.
Many people who have lived with alcoholism develop some degree of PTSD, I know I did and also associated with other things.
It is advised to me for me to avoid actively my triggers.
Certain types of scenes on television/movies will completely unhinge me and cause me to have night terrors and nightmares.
Mr Live helps protect me from this. He will say, no this isn't something you want to see, or I don't think you want to hear this and I appreciate that.
Just like I do not want to live with and addict because it makes me sick, this is very very similar. Why would I want to expose myself to known triggers? I know they will make me sick.
I almost never watch any anyway..but almost a year ago I wanted to watch something on a native south american culture...when they depicted the raids slaughtering families, I lost it entirely. It messed me up for 3 days. And I spoke to my counselor and my dr about it.
He said that is the nature of it...you never know when it is going to pop up. Often it causes horrid flashbacks and memories and the same feelings as if it were happening again.
That"s just not anywhere I want to go...so I don't.
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Join Date: May 2009
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Originally Posted by transformyself
For me it's less about alcoholism specifically and more about my emotional addiction to abandonment in any form. Alcoholics just offer up abandonment in perfect style, but other folks have given me that thrill as well. I kept going back, kept trying to manipulate the outcome. Looking back, I just wanted the chance to finally make whoever doesn't love me, love me. I wanted to win. Gave myself thousands, tens of thousands of chances to tip the scale and make someone who consistently rejected me to love me. I rationalized, denied, manipulated, made myself physically, emotionally, spiritually and intellectually sick.
It never worked. Never. Oh, sure the cycle would come round to the part where the offending lover would be sorry and throw me some crumbs which I hung onto like a life line in the ocean. "See!? I did it!"
But there was never a consistent, emotionally available or supportive relationship. Not with men and often times, not in friendships. I chose that on a deep subconscious level.
It never worked. Never. Oh, sure the cycle would come round to the part where the offending lover would be sorry and throw me some crumbs which I hung onto like a life line in the ocean. "See!? I did it!"
But there was never a consistent, emotionally available or supportive relationship. Not with men and often times, not in friendships. I chose that on a deep subconscious level.
Yep, my problem has been that only if the guy has an issue am I attracted to him.... guys that are supportive and healthy don't seem like good relationship options
though those are the very qualities I want in a relationships - it's insane! It's interesting though that that's only the case when it comes to male relationships - when it comes to females, I look for the supportive, long-lasting, healthy kinds of friendships. Me thinks I got some Daddy issues here!!!Btw, thanks for the number
will prob contact you once the semester is over - I'm freaking out right now - completely overwhelmed with all my writing assignments. Hey, aren't you a writer - any good tips on how to become a good writer, one who doesn't sit on one paragraph for half a day?! Argh, I hate deadlines!
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Originally Posted by Live
He said that is the nature of it...you never know when it is going to pop up. Often it causes horrid flashbacks and memories and the same feelings as if it were happening again.
In fact if I look at it rationally, my reaction doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me... who would curl up into a ball, completely out of one's mind, unable to think straight, just because there was a book exchange with a person of the opposite sex... seems to be a very extreme reaction to a very trivial event, but that's what triggers do. Another example: having a panic attack in a bar because someone is punching one of those boxing punching bags that show you how strong you are.
I Love Who I Am
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
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Tips for writing depends of course on the type of writing, but here are some pointers:
Limit your research to the specific topic.
Don't self-edit while writing, barf it all up then go back later to edit to avoid losing your train of thought
Increase your writing skills by having a set amount of time you write every day. Kick out about 500 words at a time.
If you're interviewing someone, go in with five good questions. Listen.
Leave yourself enough editing time. It's this final step that makes good writing great.
That's all I got right now, all though if I know what kind of writing you're doing I'll have more specific instructions.
Good luck, you can do it!
Limit your research to the specific topic.
Don't self-edit while writing, barf it all up then go back later to edit to avoid losing your train of thought
Increase your writing skills by having a set amount of time you write every day. Kick out about 500 words at a time.
If you're interviewing someone, go in with five good questions. Listen.
Leave yourself enough editing time. It's this final step that makes good writing great.
That's all I got right now, all though if I know what kind of writing you're doing I'll have more specific instructions.
Good luck, you can do it!
I Love Who I Am
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
Yep, exactly. It's not that I was just angry or jealous that he talked to a girl... it was an emotional flashback to how I felt several months ago - completely debilitating and irrational, but very real and the worst part is that it leaves me completely exhausted after wards.
In fact if I look at it rationally, my reaction doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me... who would curl up into a ball, completely out of one's mind, unable to think straight, just because there was a book exchange with a person of the opposite sex... seems to be a very extreme reaction to a very trivial event, but that's what triggers do. Another example: having a panic attack in a bar because someone is punching one of those boxing punching bags that show you how strong you are.
In fact if I look at it rationally, my reaction doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me... who would curl up into a ball, completely out of one's mind, unable to think straight, just because there was a book exchange with a person of the opposite sex... seems to be a very extreme reaction to a very trivial event, but that's what triggers do. Another example: having a panic attack in a bar because someone is punching one of those boxing punching bags that show you how strong you are.
I spoke to my counselor and my dr about it.
He said that is the nature of it...you never know when it is going to pop up. Often it causes horrid flashbacks and memories and the same feelings as if it were happening again.
He said that is the nature of it...you never know when it is going to pop up. Often it causes horrid flashbacks and memories and the same feelings as if it were happening again.
I have learned how to deal with triggers, firstly by avoiding known triggers like Live suggests. That's what staying the hell away from AH comes in.
But if an actual PTSD trigger starts and i can catch in fast enough I:
focus on my breath for as long as I can. Deeply breathing in and out, like in yoga
use other techniques to keep myself in the moment, focusing on the fact that i am safe right where I stand and hopefully not shifting into that space where I'm reliving the trauma from the past.
Can you get into therapy, if you're not all ready? It's helped me a great deal, all though you might not know by my locked threads and crazy reactions at times.:l
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 290
Originally Posted by transformyself
Tips for writing depends of course on the type of writing, but here are some pointers:
Limit your research to the specific topic.
Don't self-edit while writing, barf it all up then go back later to edit to avoid losing your train of thought
Increase your writing skills by having a set amount of time you write every day. Kick out about 500 words at a time.
If you're interviewing someone, go in with five good questions. Listen.
Leave yourself enough editing time. It's this final step that makes good writing great.
That's all I got right now, all though if I know what kind of writing you're doing I'll have more specific instructions.
Good luck, you can do it!
Limit your research to the specific topic.
Don't self-edit while writing, barf it all up then go back later to edit to avoid losing your train of thought
Increase your writing skills by having a set amount of time you write every day. Kick out about 500 words at a time.
If you're interviewing someone, go in with five good questions. Listen.
Leave yourself enough editing time. It's this final step that makes good writing great.
That's all I got right now, all though if I know what kind of writing you're doing I'll have more specific instructions.
Good luck, you can do it!
Yeah I think the "don't self-edit while writing" tip is what I needed... that's part of the reason why it takes me so long... I look for the right wording for hours and after all that it still isn't perfect.I'm writing a research paper on bipolar disorder, and a reflective journal type paper, and have to revise my philosophy paper (in which I have to intermingle philosophies of theorists with my own philosophy) - these are the 3 major ones.... and then there are a couple smaller ones (group projects). Ok, I better get back to my work - I made a schedule for myself with work and break times and I'm already behind! BUT I CAN DO IT!! All I can do, is do my best!
I Love Who I Am
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
BUT I CAN DO IT!! All I can do, is do my best!
I'm writing a research paper on bipolar disorder, and a reflective journal type paper, and have to revise my philosophy paper (in which I have to intermingle philosophies of theorists with my own philosophy) - these are the 3 major ones.... and then there are a couple smaller ones (group projects).
Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Bristol TN/VA
Posts: 12,431
You're welcome, Freedom!
A year ago I thought it was a vastly overused and lame term.
But when seeing about 30 seconds of a native Brazilian tribe going on a raid causes me to hide in bed and have the most horrid things, memories and feelings going through my head night and day...I had to woman up and discuss it with my care team.
It was irrational, yes, but it was REAL.
and it really pizzes me off that something like that can have that kind of power over me!
LOL
A year ago I thought it was a vastly overused and lame term.
But when seeing about 30 seconds of a native Brazilian tribe going on a raid causes me to hide in bed and have the most horrid things, memories and feelings going through my head night and day...I had to woman up and discuss it with my care team.
It was irrational, yes, but it was REAL.
and it really pizzes me off that something like that can have that kind of power over me!
LOL
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 290
Originally Posted by transformyself
But if an actual PTSD trigger starts and i can catch in fast enough I:
focus on my breath for as long as I can. Deeply breathing in and out, like in yoga
use other techniques to keep myself in the moment, focusing on the fact that i am safe right where I stand and hopefully not shifting into that space where I'm reliving the trauma from the past.
Can you get into therapy, if you're not all ready? It's helped me a great deal, all though you might not know by my locked threads and crazy reactions at times.:l
focus on my breath for as long as I can. Deeply breathing in and out, like in yoga
use other techniques to keep myself in the moment, focusing on the fact that i am safe right where I stand and hopefully not shifting into that space where I'm reliving the trauma from the past.
Can you get into therapy, if you're not all ready? It's helped me a great deal, all though you might not know by my locked threads and crazy reactions at times.:l
Re. therapy: I don't have a lot of money and no insurance and so I contacted one of the very cheap places here in the area about three months ago... had a phone screen with them and they told me they would contact me once they are able to assign me to someone.... I called them 3 times after that trying to find out how much longer it'll take and all the info they could give me was that I'm on the waiting list and that they don't know how long it takes before someone will be able to see me because it's not an ordinary waiting list as they have to match me with a counselor that would work for me.
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