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anxiety attack

Old 10-30-2003, 09:07 AM
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anxiety attack

i have not heard from ex musician guitay boyfriend in four days and i am panicking cause i still have this bike situation with him.
i feel like i have to remain in good graces with him so that he doesnt do anything to ruin my credit.
so i have a message into him, a friendly message.
i dont want anything from him except to be cool with him,
i dont want a relationship, i dont want to be intimate and i dont want to do music with him.
i just dont want any problems.
i am really scared to the point where i find it hard to concentrate on work. this is one of the most dysfunctional relationships i've had in a long time, and it feels awful
all i can do is be civil with him and hope that he does the same
in the meantime i am inquiring about putting the bike in his name with the finance company so i can be rid of this nightmare.
i feel i cant move on to anything else until i get this monster of a person out of my life.
i feel like i am in an exhusband situation again and it makes me really sad, what is this wierd pattern with me?
no wonder i cant land a non dysfunctional relationship
i am very very sad and depressed about this
i am not sleeping that well
and i am not eating
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Old 10-30-2003, 09:25 AM
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Take a Breath and Say Serenity Prayer

Diva,

I have been exactly where you are are -one old boyfriend had a credit card that I had co-signed for and he wasn't working...another had borrowed money then we broke up...you get the story.

You are not a failure for being it the situation you are in. You are NOT the first/only person to ever have made the decision you made. This is NOT the worst thing in the world that you could have done. YOU ARE OK!

What I thought would happen is much worse than what actually did. I was freaking out - same issues about Credit History. Friend of mine offered this thought - Credit History is a way that a lender figures out if you are "good risk". What I needed to do was act on the things I could control. I contacted the credit card company and found out what I could do to set things right with them.

My question - can you contact the company that currently has the loan on the motorcycle and find out what your options are?

Knowing what you can do is a key to easing your mind. I recommend the serenity prayer, then a call to the lender who holds the note. They are a voice on the phone and cannot judge you.

I sent a express request to my HP for you.....

Deep breath

Petunia
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Old 10-30-2003, 09:28 AM
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"The best way to predict the future is to create it."

"The best way to predict the future is to create it."

Peter Drucker
Writer, Teacher and Consultant
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Old 10-30-2003, 09:33 AM
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hang in there

You are on the right path.

You've identified the bad situation and are taking steps to get out of it.

Remember the slogan "this too shall pass". Right now you are in it, but soon you will be past it.

Remember to do something good for yourself today. Reward yourself for seeing the problem, taking the steps to get away from it, and using all you've learned to recognize danger signs and that you deserve better. Just look what you are doing! You are not trying to control him, you are just taking steps to control the things you can. Way to go!!!

You recognize that fighting with him won't help. You may feel lousy, but we all do when we realize we've made a bad choice. Or have a potential money issue, no matter what the cause. We fix it and we learn from it. You're already doing both.
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Old 10-30-2003, 09:44 AM
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Diva,
It sounds like you know what you need to do, and are making some good decisions here. But it still hurts, and it won't go away overnight.
Allow yourself to feel angry at him, hurt, sad, and dissapointed with yourself. But allow yourself to FEEL them without acting apon them. Write a letter to him, to God, to yourself... and don't send it. Have a chit-chat with a GF or a close family member. We have to let these feelings in, and then let them go, so we have room for the good stuff.

Petunia was right.
You are not a failure... you are simply learning and growing. Sometimes we have to get to these places in our lives, so that we know how it feels, and where we don't want to end up again. There are many of us here who have been in such similar situations; take comfort in knowing that you are not alone.

Listen to yourself; believe what you know, and be open to learning this new lesson.

You are right where you need to be, and you are doing just fine.

Meg
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Old 10-30-2003, 10:23 AM
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Permission

Diva,

One other thought I'd like to share - I tried so hard with my last ex- to make sure all was smooth. But one thing I realized was that the A was never going to give me permission - to be healthy, sane, independent, to get away in one piece. I was going to have to take these things for myself. I was so sad that it had to be so hard, but Meg says it so well -
You are exactly where you need to be right now. And you are making progress towards a re-covered you. We are recoveing ourselves from being lost as much as from our own illness.

Again, peace my dear.

Petunia
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