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-   -   I just got a dozen roses from my EXABF (https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/friends-family-alcoholics/213707-i-just-got-dozen-roses-my-exabf.html)

goldengirl3 11-19-2010 08:57 AM

I just got a dozen roses from my EXABF
 
Ughhhh.

The card said, "You deserve everything in life."

Um yeah - that's nice but he needs to go to counseling and work on his drinking.

:(

suki44883 11-19-2010 08:58 AM

Oh brother. They really are something, aren't they? Geez.

Thumper 11-19-2010 09:10 AM

:headbange

Pelican 11-19-2010 09:24 AM

If they are a trigger for you, may I suggest donating them to hospice or a local nursing home?

Seren 11-19-2010 09:27 AM

Back in the day when I had a cheating STBXH (not an A), he sent me a dozen roses at work....I handed the out to my co-workers in small bundles!!!!

Made me feel better and I did not have his fake guilt offering staring me in the face all the time..... :-)

Hugs, HG

nodaybut2day 11-19-2010 09:44 AM

Sending a bunch of roses (writing an email, sending a text message) is easy. Recovery is hard.

goldengirl3 11-19-2010 09:51 AM

Ohhh. lol. It's drama day.

I emailed him and discretely asked - did you do this? He sort of joked back apparently not knowing what I was talking about. It turns out they are not from him. I was certain it was his hand writing.

The only person they could be from, are from this married guy I went out with last week, confronted him that I thought he was married and he admitted it and then told him that I needed my "space."

So now my ex is really upset. I apologized and told him he had every opportunity to work things out and he chose not to.

Now I feel like a drama-filled tard.

nodaybut2day 11-19-2010 10:00 AM

He *is* your EXABF, right? He can go suck a lemon.

(OR as someone on SR once wisely said: "He can get glad in the same pants he got mad in").

johndelko408 11-19-2010 10:04 AM

My sponsor really wants me to get back with my wife, he knows I still love her. The other day my partner (coworker) bought roses for his girlfriend, my sponsor asked me why I didn't get any for my wife (we're separated) and i told him "for what, it won't make any difference to her". As much as I still love her, as much as I still want to be with her, I sort of feel like giving up on ever rekindling our romance. I feel that when the pain of holding on to something supersedes the fear of letting go, you should probably let go. We have 2 adorable children together and other than my sobriety, there is nothing more that I want than to be a family again. I caused her immense pain during my drinking, and sometimes feel that she will never want to be with me. What do you ladies out there think? Did I do the right thing in not buying her flowers, or should have I gotten them to show her I still care? Don't be affraid to hit me hard with your thoughts and opinions.

suki44883 11-19-2010 10:12 AM


Originally Posted by goldengirl3 (Post 2772599)
Ohhh. lol. It's drama day.

I emailed him and discretely asked - did you do this? He sort of joked back apparently not knowing what I was talking about. It turns out they are not from him. I was certain it was his hand writing.

The only person they could be from, are from this married guy I went out with last week, confronted him that I thought he was married and he admitted it and then told him that I needed my "space."

So now my ex is really upset. I apologized and told him he had every opportunity to work things out and he chose not to.

Now I feel like a drama-filled tard.


Yep. He can get glad in the same pants he got mad in. It's none of his business anyway. He is an EX.

I'd ask the married guy if he sent the flowers and if he did, I'd make sure he understood in no uncertain terms that I was unavailable to him and not to do that again. Then, I'd give the flowers away, just for emphasis.

Again...no wonder I'm not attached. :lmao

TakingCharge999 11-19-2010 10:14 AM

The best thing an active ADDICT can do for you is leave you alone. My most recent ex also sends me roses whenever he is guilty. The other day I saw he liked Playboy in Facebook.

I can be perfectly happy without any flowers. I can buy flowers for myself. Flowers are NOT a replacement for basic respect, dignity, education, sprituality, recovery and all I put on the table and deserve from the partner.


Hope you get rid of the flowers anyway and perhaps give someone else a smile. Also, do what suki says :)

CatsPajamas 11-19-2010 10:33 AM

I love flowers. I buy them for myself now. No strings attached, no drama. Just the beauty of fresh flowers.

goldengirl3 11-19-2010 10:43 AM

I'm just going to enjoy the free beautiful flowers! And consider the card message a message from a HP.

Will figure how to handle the married guy later....

Live 11-19-2010 10:58 AM

I am also in the habit of buying flowers for myself. So much easier and I always get exactly what I am feeling like enjoying!

To John, there is a point when the flowers become an insult. If she is wanting flowers from you, you will know it because it will be a celebration of enjoying and pleasing each other,...never as an apology.

goldengirl3 11-19-2010 11:07 AM

To John: flowers are nice. But I would give anything instead for my ex to be committed to being sober. Even if these came with a heartfelt apology and were actually from him, they would have meant nothing. The commitment to stay sober and work on things would have meant more to me than any gift I could get.

nodaybut2day 11-19-2010 12:01 PM

John: I agree with goldengirl...speak with your actions. Keep committed to your recovery. Be a present and loving father.

Cyranoak 11-19-2010 12:10 PM

John, it is completely out of line...
 
...for your sponsor to be taking a position of any kind on your wife, much less question your motives regarding doing, or not doing, anything for her. This flies in the face of sponsorship within a 12-Step Program. This is just plain wrong.

Please consider confronting him about this, and asking him what his agenda is.

Do what you want to do unless you believe it is against your own best interest. Don't do what you don't want to do unless you believe it is in your own best interest.

Take what you want and leave the rest.

Cyranoak


Originally Posted by johndelko408 (Post 2772615)
My sponsor really wants me to get back with my wife, he knows I still love her. The other day my partner (coworker) bought roses for his girlfriend, my sponsor asked me why I didn't get any for my wife (we're separated) and i told him "for what, it won't make any difference to her". As much as I still love her, as much as I still want to be with her, I sort of feel like giving up on ever rekindling our romance. I feel that when the pain of holding on to something supersedes the fear of letting go, you should probably let go. We have 2 adorable children together and other than my sobriety, there is nothing more that I want than to be a family again. I caused her immense pain during my drinking, and sometimes feel that she will never want to be with me. What do you ladies out there think? Did I do the right thing in not buying her flowers, or should have I gotten them to show her I still care? Don't be affraid to hit me hard with your thoughts and opinions.


johndelko408 11-19-2010 12:16 PM

thanks. Those were actually my sentiments. I didn't feel getting her flowers would mean anything. I'd rather stay on my path, be a father to my kids and just hope for the best. I appreciate your responses though.

goldengirl3 11-19-2010 12:33 PM

I totally lost control of myself.

He emailed me that he is a "good guy" and I'm sorry that you couldn't see that. Told me a bunch of other stuff basically blaming me for everything.

GRRRRR. I totally went off. Dang it.

suki44883 11-19-2010 12:35 PM

Try not reading his emails. He can't upset you if he can't contact you.


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