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Dealing during the honeymoon period.

Old 11-18-2010, 08:52 AM
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Dealing during the honeymoon period.

I am still angry and hurt--resentful. My AH is in the honeymoon phase. Talking about taking a romantic trip just the two of us. Starting a gym together so that he can have a positive outlet. I already workout 4-6x a week. I will join the gym for another alternative to my workout schedule. I love cardio aerobic classes and will go. I will also take swimming lessons after being left on a boat w/ my babies to keep me and my kids safe.

My question is what do you do w/ the honeymoon phase. All fo the niceties. I told him I loved him today because I do and I wanted to. I am afraid to go back to that safe place and letting go. I feel as though he is trying to manipulate me and I am not able to give in. He bought roses and a card. I haven't read the card or touched the roses. I am not doing this to punish him I just can't do it. BTDT and it doesn't work anymore. Excuse my expression but you have to come a lot harder than that this time around!!!!

Thanksgiving is next week and I am not feeling happy family. If it were up to me it would be better if the holidays would just go away. I am in no mood to put up a tree. Wrap gifts and decorate our house but then I think about those little tiny faces and how excited they will be and I will focus on my boys this holiday season making it the most for them, the most beautiful. I will focus on making and preparing the best cooked Thanksgiving meal for their little bellies. I am just not feeling AH right now. I do not trust him and I do not know if I will ever again. Am I falling out of love w/ him? That also scares me.
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Old 11-18-2010, 08:59 AM
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Sassy - try to look big picture. The weather changes. The seasons change. Your AH's mood changes.
Continue to look at the big picture. Who are you? What do you want in your life? What do your kids deserve? How can you protect yourself physically and emotionally for when the next "bad stage" hits again?
Roses and a card don't take away abuse.
Stay strong.
peace
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Old 11-18-2010, 09:00 AM
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Originally Posted by sassyea View Post
I will focus on my boys this holiday season making it the most for them, the most beautiful. I will focus on making and preparing the best cooked Thanksgiving meal for their little bellies.
This is one of the sweetest things I ever read!! I don't have children, but this just touched my heart in the sweetest way. You are AWESOME!!! Your boys are so lucky to have such a brave mama!!

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Old 11-18-2010, 09:02 AM
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Originally Posted by FindingPeace1 View Post
Sassy - try to look big picture. The weather changes. The seasons change. Your AH's mood changes.
Continue to look at the big picture. Who are you? What do you want in your life?
I love the big picture.
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Old 11-18-2010, 09:09 AM
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Old 11-18-2010, 09:22 AM
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Originally Posted by sassyea View Post
My question is what do you do w/ the honeymoon phase.
I'd play the tape all the way through and realize that it's just a phase in a never-ending cycle of madness.

Trust in HP. All this is happening for a reason...perhaps to help you see the situation and your AH in a different perspective. You've also gained something already: you've decided what your focus will be for the next little while...your boys
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Old 11-18-2010, 10:17 AM
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He has to understand gaining trust back takes days, weeks, months, years... you are allowed to do NOTHING about it.. just keep observing and listening to your heart and gut... ask HP for clarity... well that is what I do and it works.

Hugs and I wish I was around to taste the Thanksgiving meal
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Old 11-18-2010, 07:58 PM
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add to that.....talk of honeymoon activities and promises that are later broken and/or not carried through
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Old 11-19-2010, 08:21 AM
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The cycle of abuse includes a honeymoon phase.I recently heard a therapist speak about Proccesss addictions and abusive relationships fall into that category. If you are seeing this a ss part of an ongoing cycle, which it sounds like you are, stepping off the merry go round is a viable option.
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Old 11-19-2010, 08:55 AM
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Cycle of Abuse
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Old 11-19-2010, 10:35 AM
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sassy-

why don't you just tell him how you are feeling? as in, that you do love him but you can not live with the drinking anymore. period.

it's your life. you are free...you are free right now...

alcoholics are full of promises that rarely come to fruition.

if you don't want to celebrate thanksgiving with him, then you do not have to. you could go to your parents or to a friend's house.

it's very easy to buy roses but very hard to make real change.

his drinking has already put you and the children in danger. please, trust your instincts and honour how you are actually feeling. i would not worry about hurting his feelings...was he bothered about you and the children when he went on his drunken rampage?

as a co-dependent, i wanted to make everything better for my alcoholic. in reality, i was creating an environment for the cycle to continue.

you are upset and scared. you are sleeping in the guest room. i think it's totally reasonable that you don't want to play happy family right now. and if the holidays are causing you pressure to do so, you are free to make alternative plans for yourself and the children.
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