Considering a Second Job and Codependent Worries
 

Well, AH has been sober for the past 12 weeks now. Boundaries have stayed in place and I'm starting to hope that it might stick this time. Unfortunately, AH is not bringing in enough money. To refresh, AH had surgery this summer and did not go back to his job. He did find another one 'quickly', but had been on 6 weeks of half pay (short term disability), six weeks paycheck lag (NO money coming in), and was drinking heavily through all this. He quit drinking at the end of August, and since then has only been bringing in half of what he was originally making. All the money I had saved...is now down the drain. We can make regular bills.....but not his hospital bills (which since we're married, are legally mine). I totalled my car two weeks ago, so now we will have a car payment (if we can get a regular loan, otherwise, my parents will loan ME the money as I reliably pay them back). HIS car is now acting up. I'm having a freak-out-we-can't-pay for-this-crap day. I've been thinking of picking up a second job waiting tables (an old standby...) until we can get back up on our feet.
My worry is that AH wouldn't/isn't doing/thinking the same. My worry is that I'm Codie-ing out and trying to take on too much. My viewpoint is that I'm going to be responsible for this debt, and rather than wait for it to get worse, I should do what I can now to minimize it, and if AH isn't on board, then I can stash it for other uses. He's talking about selling his motorcycle, but I worry that if he does it will be the 'well I sold my motorcycle...blahblahblah'....
Just writing this out, I feel like I have my answer.
-Let AH sell his motorcycle and take responsibility for his actions in unemployment. He can then fix his car, we can pay hospital bills, we can heat the house, and he can 'buy' himself some time to find something that pays better.
-Give him a couple of weeks to come to this conclusion. We can make it a little longer if we have to, but only a couple of weeks.
Gah! codependent self- to you I say get a grip. Do not martyr yourself.

You're right, why argue with genius :) These are his expenses and if it weren't for the legal tie of marriage, those hospital bills certainly would be all on him.

Let him sell his motorcycle and cry about it if he wants to. Got to pay to play. He played now he can pay up.

It sounds like you have support and options for bring in additional income if you need to for yourself. Try to remind yourself that his legal requirement in marriage is just as great as yours. He can't just ignore those big bills and leave it all to you. You could always get a second job, pay your half of the bills, and let him figure out how to pay his half.

Life is tough that way and sober people live it every day.

But you know all this. You're just having a codie moment. It'll pass.

(((hugs)))

Alice

I agree with your thought process, sell the motorcycle, pay bills and for you, stash some of the money away in a sock...JIC...winter is coming and heat would be in order.

If you don't have a plan, you plan to fail.

Just reiterating that I really dislike my codie moments. It thankfully has passed and it's nice to have a 'safe' place to spas out for a second. Thank you!