TakingCharge999

So yesterday I go get coffee with my therapist and my mom. She mentioned she forgot to take the pill once and 3 days later she was pregnant with me.

Before, she had said they had planned both my sister and I. And now it doesn't seem so true anymore.

I feel I need to bring this up. Right now she is traveling back home.

My therapist mentions its also important to know why my dad left and asked for a divorce. She believes something happened that I do not know. And knowing it is an important piece of the puzzle.

Recently I feel the GIGANTIC VOID inside myself and all the unmet needs. And I start getting why I feel so much anger and how the sadness does not seem to have an end. It has been too many years of abandonment in many levels... before I knew I have been hurt but just now I am realizing the dimension of it. It is sad but at the same time, freeing.



Anyway I am feeling anxious and sad about this. Its like when she told me Santa was not real. I cried for days and couldn't believe she could lie to me!!

nodaybut2day

Hm. Well, as someone whose child was conceived in less than ideal circumstances (i.e. XAH challenged me to prove my fidelity by throwing my BC pills down the drain...), I feel the need to speak to your post. I truly believed that having been on the pill for 14 years would mean that it would take at least a year for me to conceive, and yet, I was pregnant exactly a month after that fateful flush. Rather unexpected. When I realized I was pregnant, I took test after test, wishing it weren't true, knowing that pregnancy would forever bind me to this person I was already thinking about leaving.

And yet, despite all of that, my DD saved my life. Literally. She gave me the resolve I needed to leave XAH. She brought joy to my life when everything else around me was tears and rage. Though she was unexpected, she wasn't unwanted. I had *wanted* a child for several years....I'd just been held back by circumstance and my own fear.

My DD is only 2, so I don't know what I'll tell her when she asks. However, I think I can understand your mother's need to cover up her actions, perhaps in order to spare you and your sister the feeling of being "unwanted".

TakingCharge999

Ahh another lightbulb came up... for instance my dad acts as if none of those needs ever existed... or has mentioned "he feels sad he had to be away from us while he was working" but then he also avoid mentioning he was not the victim working hard for us but also bedding other women and getting married in Hawaii.

Where have I seen that acting as if my needs were no valid or existed at all??

Incredible how I choose and repeat those abandonment patterns. I am so glad I am listening to myself and knowing my truth now, not just going along and believing "I shouldn't feel sad", that "nothing happened" or "others have it worse". Those are other voices and perhaps why I have felt so bad before was not due to pain per se but due to the fact I was not listening to my inner voice.

TakingCharge999

Though she was unexpected, she wasn't unwanted

Thanks nodaybut2day. This part was especially healing. As I have not had kids I do not know how these things work. I do believe it was like you described, they wanted to have children but not so sure when. It was not that they didn't want children at ALL.

As usual there is a logic explanation I can understand but the feelings are still there. Sigh. Just feel sad overall. Need to cry this out of my system. Be right back. Thanks for being out there and offering your perspective noday.

HealingWillCome

TC -- hugs to you.

Have you ever watched the great classic movie, "It's a Wonderful Life"? Reading Noday's post reminded me that each of us is here for a very important reason. It doesn't matter how we arrived or under what circumstances. You have a purpose on this earth and you are loved by a lot of people.

Watch that movie if you can.

You have had such remarkable, amazing growth in the few months that I've "known" you. I enjoy reading your posts and picking up on all of your newfound pieces of wisdom. I'm glad you're here.

HealingWillCome

I am one of those unexpected, but not unwanted children myself. AF was a charmer in college...took advantage of my straight-laced drunk-for-the-first-time mother at a college kegger. That's how and why I arrived and why they got married. And they had three more daughters after me. But I do know that I am loved even though I was certainly not planned.

TakingCharge999

Moving in with your therapist helps, lol. Well she rents me a small 'house'...

I will check it out Healing, thanks for the recommendation and for the reminder.

Often I only see the bad in life like people who have abandoned me in some way and not the people that have given me so much. Thanks for that, it helps as well!

KittyP

A huge amount of people were unplanned, there are a lot of estimates that more than half of us were.

Here's how I came to be. Have you ever read the full information leaflet on a packet of condoms? Ever read the part about how they recommend the guy wears it pretty much as soon as he gets naked in case there is active sperm in the pre-***, or in case of excess "enthusiasm" ? Well I'm living proof that there is a reason for that warning.

HealingWillCome

What I was really getting at here is that you have given to others...and still have things to give. You are important in others' lives!

You will see what I mean when you watch "It's a Wonderful Life." It's a great holiday movie, too.

JenT1968

I'm a result of one unprotected "roll in the hay". My parents were married and frankly would probably have split up if I hadn't been conceived. But I was, I was wanted and I was loved.

both my children were planned, doesn't mean their dad is a capabale, present father unfotunately.

dollydo

I am just happy to be here, and, enjoying life. Was I wanted? Who knows, do I give it any thought? No.

Many children are born after a quick stick, many are planned, and, either way, they are either loved or not. In my parents own way, I was loved, I cannot ask for anything more. The rest is up to me.