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-   -   What a way to start the morning. (https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/friends-family-alcoholics/213496-what-way-start-morning.html)

BklynGrl 11-16-2010 07:37 AM

What a way to start the morning.
 
I wake up today to find 8 text messages from my soon to be ExAH (I know there's a shorter acronym for that) berating me for being mean to him and apparently he now thinks Iím a lesbian since I stopped wanting to have sex with him towards the end. Funny to think the night before last he texted me about how nice I was being "all things considered." He even asked me to be there with him when he went in to have his thyroid removed and I actually considered it because I know he must be scared.

I can't handle this, part of me wants to text back and start a fight with him and the other part wants to ignore it and block his texts again. I had already done that on his old phone. When he found out I wanted a divorce he took himself off our family plan and signed up for a new phone. So far he's been mildly respectful, but this was ridiculous. I don't know why I'm so upset about it but Iíve been crying all morning.

I can't wait to get the keys back and the file paperwork. This is certainly motivation to get it done.

keepinon 11-16-2010 07:44 AM

ignore .deletedo not engage..this is desperate quacking.go buy yourself a nice pumkin latte or something and be thankful that this next year can be drama free.

brokenheartfool 11-16-2010 07:55 AM

It's hard to not let them get to you, isn't it. I sympathize. Been there, done that, got the tshirt.
These words can be quite painful, and we can feel so much stress from them.
It's judgment on our hearts, it's manipulation, it's the way to get to the core of us and hurt us there.
The pain I felt from these careless words thrown around so easily during my divorce was similar to yours.
It felt to me as if the drinker chose to purposely and maliciously try to get to my heart, and cause me pain.
Recognize this--they are feeling their own pain, and most likely--those 8 messages were sent under the influence--which makes it so easy for them to carelessly throw these words around.
So couple their own real pain with alcohol--and the result is those messages.
I think you will feel better if you think about it in the light of that they too are feeling pain, and they don't know how to deal with it any other way but destructively. Feel sorry for him? Yeah, actually. Feel sorry that he never developed greater communication skills than the type on those messages. If he had, you wouldn't be where you are today.

Recognize it's insanity. Then redirect your energy to the light of sanity. Easier said than done, but you can do it. Withdrawal yourself from the madness. Remember there's a sane world out there awaiting your participation, and it will welcome you...put your faith there. Better days are to come...sane days.
You know a world is out there without the madness. Take a deep breath and remember you are on a path to that better world. The path may still be muddy at this point, but it will be an easier walk when this divorce is over.
You're not out of the woods yet--but you're on your way!

TakingCharge999 11-16-2010 08:04 AM

Bklyn that is why he is a STBXAH. Keep breathing deeply. What are you doing for YOU today? "this side of the bridge" is great, crossing the bridge has been difficult for me but once you keep going it gets easier :) a life without abuse has been the greatest gift I have given myself...

Paintbaby 11-16-2010 08:06 AM

My STBXAH used to do the same thing. And he still does, from time to time, with a sappy email, full of overblown sentiment. I don't respond anymore. He knows a divorce is imminent. The texts, the emails---it's all about trying to create guilt within us, so they can get us nicely hooked back into taking care of their every need. This , of course,is to the utter detriment of our own happiness and well-being.

A question I used to ask myself: Who's taking care of MY needs? Certainly not him! And that helped me move on, ignore the quacking, and start putting all that time and energy into MYSELF, where the payoff would be much greater and happier.

Quacking is used by the alcoholic to deflect personal responsibility, and create guilt in the codie. He knows damned good and well why he is alone, but does not want to take responsibility for the choices that got him here. The kindest thing you can do, especially for YOURSELF, is to ignore it, and keep on your path. He also has the right to consequences, one of which he no longer gets to be in your life.

Stay strong! Delete, delete, delete!

BklynGrl 11-16-2010 08:17 AM


Originally Posted by brokenheartfool (Post 2769339)
It's hard to not let them get to you, isn't it. I sympathize. Been there, done that, got the tshirt.
These words can be quite painful, and we can feel so much stress from them.
It's judgment on our hearts, it's manipulation, it's the way to get to the core of us and hurt us there.
The pain I felt from these careless words thrown around so easily during my divorce was similar to yours.
It felt to me as if the drinker chose to purposely and maliciously try to get to my heart, and cause me pain.
Recognize this--they are feeling their own pain, and most likely--those 8 messages were sent under the influence--which makes it so easy for them to carelessly throw these words around.
So couple their own real pain with alcohol--and the result is those messages.
I think you will feel better if you think about it in the light of that they too are feeling pain, and they don't know how to deal with it any other way but destructively. Feel sorry for him? Yeah, actually. Feel sorry that he never developed greater communication skills than the type on those messages. If he had, you wouldn't be where you are today.

Recognize it's insanity. Then redirect your energy to the light of sanity. Easier said than done, but you can do it. Withdrawal yourself from the madness. Remember there's a sane world out there awaiting your participation, and it will welcome you...put your faith there. Better days are to come...sane days.
You know a world is out there without the madness. Take a deep breath and remember you are on a path to that better world. The path may still be muddy at this point, but it will be an easier walk when this divorce is over.
You're not out of the woods yet--but you're on your way!

Beautiful words. I'm going to print this to carry around with me.


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