Help - Wife/Mother of four with extreme alcoholism.

Old 01-17-2011, 10:26 PM
  # 61 (permalink)  
A jug fills drop by drop
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Hi lostfamily! ok, by now I know a lot about this woman. But I know nothing about you.
How are you doing?
Are you open to counseling for you and the kids?

When my parents divorced my mom took me to therapy- it was very helpful for everyone. Now I am back to therapy again and am able to Zoom Out, be more observant and conscious about my thoughts, feelings, decisions. I hope you do give it a chance. Also, I recommend you get the book "codependent no more" by Melody Beatty. Very very helpful book.

I am so glad your kids have you. You are not to blame for anything this woman does. Sometimes I took responsibility of how or why an XABF drank. Now I realize that is what he likes what he does and he is free to do it- as I am free to chose a life free of toxicity. I mean, life is already tough enough. Hoping you are given more clarity and peace these days.

After 2 years of No Contact with the alcoholic I knew, I realize I have always been resourceful and that I am never alone, I am with myself, and I am very good company. It is sinking in that I deserve peace. Moreover that I can trust others with my feelings and my pains... that I don't have to do it alone. I hope you realize the same applies to you. Hugs!!
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Old 01-18-2011, 12:00 AM
  # 62 (permalink)  
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hi lostfamily-

i have to agree with tc, we don't know much about you.

how are you?

how is your recovery coming along?

are you taking any steps to get support for yourself? alanon? therapy?

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Old 01-18-2011, 08:25 PM
  # 63 (permalink)  
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So far I have just been doing marriage counseling with my wife, though I do question how beneficial it is since she has not been able to stop drinking for any meaningful time period. The primary focus I have had is trying to help her get better, I want my wife/life back.
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Old 01-18-2011, 10:58 PM
  # 64 (permalink)  
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lostfamily -- all of our stories are unique, but yours and mine have a few similarities. My AW and I have a 6-month-old, she's a binge drinker that goes through chronic relapse cycles (1 week of drinking, 1-2 weeks off). At least 6 trips to the ER, one rehab stint (28-day) and a 72-hour psych hold. Our story goes for several years, but the turning point was after the birth of our son when she started drinking again.

My recovery started slowly, with this website. My next step was an individual therapist, through my employer's assistance program, which has been an absolute godsend. Her support has been invaluable in keeping me strong and motivated to do the difficult things that my head knows are right.

I recognize so many of the emotions you're describing (still feel a lot of them). But my #1 job right now has to be to protect my son, no matter what my feelings are for my wife.
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Old 01-19-2011, 01:33 AM
  # 65 (permalink)  
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hi lostfamily-

have you considered individual therapy, for yourself? i have found it very useful and insightful to turn the focus back on myself, and get my focus off of the alcoholic.

and i've also learned how my of my behaviors helped create an environment which enabled the alcoholic.

highly recommended!

and what about alanon?
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