ignored

Hi, I just need some advice/direction as to how do deal with my husband who is a part time alcoholic.

I am a new mom and feel like a single parent.

My husband looks for every excuse to go get drunk with his friends. And his friends welcome him with open arms each time.

When people ask me where is my husband i just say out getting drunk. I am so tired of it.

I am so lonely and he thinks i am nuts.

So when I look back in 10 years i have no memory of doing anything with my husband because he is always with his friends driniking.

He gets so drunk, hmmmm, he has cheated on me, he pulls over to sleep it off sometimes, and sometimes he just forgets to come home until the next day.

I love my husband, but he is not wrong in his eyes and his family thinks the same.

I am clueless.

sdp

You poor thing!!! My husband's problems started when I was pregnant with twins. Then, he got so used to going out by himself that he just continued. His family was part of his drinking crowd, so they were no help.

He does sometimes join us as a family, but there are many weekends/nights where he is either drinking or sleeping it off.
And the twins are 9!!!!

I really don't have good advice, just to make plans for you and your baby, and don't count on him.

I got your back, tho, and wish you the best.

Debbie

Hey ignored

Glad you found your way down here. I saw your post in newcomers. Again, welcome to the boards.

There is not a whole that you can do to stop your husbands drinking, he won't stop unless he wants to and he is ready.
What you can do is take care of yourself and your baby.

I would first suggest taking a look around and reading the posts especially the power posts at the top of the forums. I have found that when I started taking care of myself and not trying to control his actions, some of my strength (not sure if that is what you would call it), was felt by my hubby and he stopped and started taking care of himself. Not sure if any of this made sense but I know what I meant to say.

So take a look around, grab a cup of coffee and welcome!!

Keep coming back.

Many hugs,
Debbie

Gabe

You are among friends who understand on this board. I know what it feels like to have a spouse, yet feel like a single parent. And while alcoholics may cheat on their wives/husbands, their biggest mistress/master is the alcohol. That is what seperates them from their loved ones the most.
Alanon is about experience, strength and hope. We try to grow stronger in ourselves, so that the misdeeds of the alcholics in our lives need not affect us in ways that they have in the past. We are all here to help each other. I hope that you will stick around.
Peace,
Gabe

MindyK

Ignored;

I feel your pain, girl. Mine is the same way. His friends are always more important and higher on his priority list than me and our 2 kids. And his "friends" are losers too- none of them have really anything- they either live with other firneds or with their parents still and they're all 30 years old. All I can tell you is that once doing everything and not relying on him to do anything becomes routine, it doesn't get any better but it does get easier in the sense that at least you know it's getting done. The most important thing for you is to be the best mom ever to your baby- as the baby grows into a toddler, it will be plain as day who the primary caregiver is, and that may help your husband a little to straighten out. Does alcoholism and/or drug use run in his family? My mother-in-law is an addict, and the hardest thing for me to accept with my A is that the life he's living now is FAR from my version of "normal", but right on target with his version of "normal". If you feel like you can do it, hang in there; this is a great place to get support. If you don't feel like you can stay, go. It'll be hard at first, but may be easier in the long run. Either way, take care of you and the baby, and keep coming back here.

insane

(((((welcome, ignored!!))))) you won't be ignored here, so keep coming back!!

i can relate to your story so much. i am so sorry you are going through this.

my husband had several years clean when i married him. i didn't understand addiction at all. i felt secure because he was in recovery and we met at church. i was even turned on by the fact that he had worked hard to overcome a problem and talked about it all openly, etc.

so when he relapsed for the first time when i was 7 mos pregnant i was totally and completely lost and shocked and alone and incredulous.

he went to rehab right before our daughter was born, but i gave birth to her alone and was alone when i brought her home the day before thanksgiving 7 years ago. well, i had my mom and my sister with me, thank God...but i sure did feel alone and i know that you do too.

it is hard to deal with addiction anytime, always. but especially hard, i think, when the one person (your husband) you are supposed to be able to count on and rest in during this tender, vulnerable time completely vanishes from the scene and lets you and your baby down in the most profound way.

take care of you and your baby the best you can. i know its hard. and this is the hardest thing, the thing i still struggle with after all this time...don't count on him to keep you safe, to do the right thing, etc...especially while he's in addictive addiction. he won't do it because he's sick. you can pray and wish that he would get a recovery program, but you can't make him if he's not ready.

you didn't cause it, you can't control it, you can't cure it.

keep coming back here, ignored. check into al-anon in your area so you can start building a support system for yourself.

i'll keep you and your little family in my prayers.