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My husband is an alcoholic.

Old 11-15-2010, 02:45 PM
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Unhappy My husband is an alcoholic.

I have dealt with this for four years and I am so happy I found this website as I need it as a lifeline. I am under extreme stress. My grandmother who is like a mother is in a rest home dying from Alzheimer's. My own mother is emotionally unavailable to provide support. DH's parents live in Europe and arent' physically able to offer guidance or relief.

I have two boys, soon to be 3 yrs old and 19 mos old. On Saturday my DH and i spent a lovely day sailing in California. The weather was perfect. I had a glass of wine and turned in early as I normally do w/ two babies 16 mos apart both under 3 years. I wakeup at midnight to find DH not on the boat. Thank God we are docked in our berth in the marina. I suddenly hear screaming at 1AM. It is DH outside the Marina docks in the parking lot. Nearly 30 feet away and I can hear him screaming. I call 911 as I believe someone has attacked him. Long story short he is drunk beligerant and out of control. He is taken to the hospital was restrained. He went to an area bar prior to hospitalization and drank hard liquor on top of three bottles of wine. I was stuck on the boat w/ new way out as my husband has the gate key and mine is at our home not w/ me on the boat.

I am stuck on a boat unable to get off w/ our small children. i have to wait till sunrise to yell for someone to come and physically help me and my children off of the boat.

Today I am ready to leave him. I have been put in jail for hitting him two years ago. Numerous degrading arguments broken glass and me now a complete nervous wreck on anti-depressants and writing this post w/ diarrhea. My mother thinks I should stay and I am unable to financially raise two boys in this economic climate. I am scared either way but have no peace in my home. I am having chest pains, suffer from high blood pressure too and need to live for my children. I do not know what to do anymore because I do not know what normal or functional is. I need help, support and advice. I want to leave and I believe I can no longer stay w/ this in my life. I want to help him but I know that he is sick and probably will never change.

I have been here before the crying, the begging and the pleading.
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Old 11-15-2010, 02:52 PM
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Al-Anon...

...is the ony thing that was able to help me with my alcoholic wife. The only thing. This is my gift to you:

Home - San Francisco Al-Anon/Alateen - District 12
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Old 11-15-2010, 03:53 PM
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Welcome to the SR family!

You will find loads of support and information here. There are sticky (permanent) posts at the top of this forum. They contain some of our stories and loads of wisdom.

I am so sorry that you are suffering physical stress symptoms. I was a hot mess while living with my active alcoholic. (now divorced)

I was awfulizing (stinking thinking and worrying about the future) and felt stuck as a SAHM (stay at home mom). I finally reached my emotional/mental bottom. I was sick and tired of being sick and tired of the same old, same old.

One of the things I did to stop my awfulizing was to consult with an attorney. I spoke with two different attorneys to find out what my options were in my state. That information helped me form a plan for my future.

Please let us know how we can help you.
You are not alone!
We understand
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Old 11-15-2010, 04:09 PM
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Hi and welcome!

Sorry for all that you are going through. A helpful step for leaving is to access free consultations from lawyers who will help you to understand how you can make it on your own.

Reading the stickies at the top of the forum provide a wealth of info about A and life with A. Most of which you will probably see going on in your life.

The most important next step will be finding support and staying connected to support.

I didn't want to leave my AH when I first got here, still not D but we are not together. Did not think I would see the day that I could let go - but it is here after reading, posting, and seeing what life has to offer without him. While it is not the only option and it is entirely up to you, feeling safe is important for you and the kids.
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Old 11-15-2010, 05:57 PM
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I am so glad that you found us. SR is a wonderful place, filled with so much wisdom, experience and support.

I highly recommend Al-anon, and there are meetings on-line, if you are unable to get to one physically at the moment.

Keep reading and posting, and try to relax as best you can. You have taken a great first step, just to begin to get information and learn about this disease and what it has done to you.

Take care of you, your babies need you
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Old 11-18-2010, 08:21 PM
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hello, sassy,

and welcome to sober recovery.

i see that in the week you've been coming here, there are several posts. i chose this one to comment on since it is your first. in it, you sound quite sad, distraught, and actually desperate.

please, please, keep posting and reading other's stories on here. for me, it was truly a lifeline, and instrumental in me breaking free of a very unhealthy relationship: that with the man i did, and actually still do, have great love for, and most importantly, the relationship with myself.

you did not ask for commentary on your mother/parents, but
it seems to me that there is some serious dysfunction if your mother sees your marriage as something that you need to keep intact, although you and your children are at risk, and places that over you getting some sanity and freedom. not really blaming her; she is a product of her own messed-up background. but for you, you might do well to listen to stronger people.

just my opinion; take it for what it's worth.

i wish you peace...
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