just asked him to leave. he did
 

I woke up, after two days of things being really tense and uptight around here.

A got out of treatment 1 month ago tomorrow..
He is sober 6 weeks today.

He has gone to one AA meeting, had one psych appointment which led to another appointment that was scheduled for Saturday, which he woke up for and then blew off. He said he was not prepared. He said he would prepare and reschedule.

That same day, Saturday he had a panic attack at the mall, which lead him to lash out at me, threaten to get a "ride somewhere", etc... I was traumatized. This is old stuff. He used to always do this sort of running away thing, after lashing out.

He ended up saying sorry, hugging me, which is new, but, I had some emotional fallout from the episode, and later cried, and asked him what his plan was. I said when you came here you had a plan to make psych work a priority, to attend meetings. I said I felt lost, and needed to know what was going to happen.

He was patient, but later said he didnt appreciate me acting like he wasnt doing enough.

That night, I told him, "look, I agreed for you to live here with us based on the plan you set forth. Its been a month, and now you've blown off a psych appnt.I need to know whats up, and at the very least, I need for you to not lash out when you feel compromised. If you are not going to follow thru with the psych work, then I need to know I can feel safe, and ultimately be able to ASK QUESTIONS and express my insecurity."

He justified and explained away.

The next day, we both slept late, kid was at grandmas. When he woke up, he said he was going to meet his brothers. I later found out he was meeting his brothers at a casino in town while they tailgated for a football game in an RV. A situation set up exclusively for drinking.

Today he woke up late again. I said we need to talk. HE did not want to. I did anyway. I said I want to know the plan. What is going to happen, here. I said I felt like I did not want to spend another day with him being silent, with us waiting for a potential panic explosion. I needed to know what he plans to do to keep moving forward.

He confessed that the job was on indefinite hold until he gets his psych meds straightened out and adjusts to them. I asked why I did nt know about that. He said, "how is that your business?"

I flew off the handle. I cant take it. I am on my period, which allows him to write all of my communication off as being hormonal.

I said I want to address these things now, or you need to go.
He said, fine. He will go then.

And he did. Then he called and said I HAD ONE MORE CHANCE TO ACT RATIONAL.

Is one month too son for me to be hardlining him like this? I feel that I have been beyond fair, beyond tolerant.

If you feel you have been beyond fair and tolerant, then yes, you are right to do what you did. No one can tell you what you can stand to live with. We all deserve peace in our home and it doesn't sound like you were getting much of that. He was allowed to come back on the basis of a plan. He hasn't kept his end of the deal. You, therefore, do not have to keep your end. It sounds like you need a good deal of time away from that chaos to let your mind clear. Hang in there and stay strong. :grouphug:

Oh heavens. He sounds so unstable. This would be hard for anyone.

I think the real question is what is your boundary? If you need space and time, then you need space and time, there is nothing wrong with that.

You, and your needs, are valid.

Good for you...
 

...he's gone. This is simply my opinion but I believe you have shown strength and you have a chance. Stay strong. Do what you know is right, and you know what is right. In my opinion, this is a power play on his part. He knows that if you let him back in he's in charge for good because your holding him accountable doesn't stick, and he firmly believes you will let him back in or he wouldn't of started this bluff in the first place (and if you do, he'll be right).

Watch what he does when you tell him he can't come back. I predict he will be very surprised, angry, and somewhat rightous (how dare you?!?). He will show you manipulative, guilt-trip alcoholic behavior of the highest order, and will most certainly include the "you are not helping me, you don't love me, this is your fault," line of thinking in some form or another. He may also throw in a, "you are making the kids fatherless" line of bull$hit as well.

Save your children-- if they are his they are already fatherless. Save yourself-- he has already chosen his disease.

Take what you want and leave the rest.

Cyranoak

You have the right to a quiet life, serenity, and peace of mind.

I'm a hard-nosed battle ax with zero tolerance for excuses, so I see nothing wrong with your hardlining at this point.

From one battle ax to another, I agree 100% :lmao

:lmao

Should we form a battle ax club? :)

:lmao:

Well I'm a push over and I agree 100% :)

The bottom line is you need some peace in your home and life, you deserve to have it, and you are right to protect it!

My hope for you is that these replies will help you stand strong in your decision because it will probably be tested. :hug:

From my experience you can not trust them when they start acting like that. He knows he's pushing you away, and pushing your buttons. Take care of yourself first, he can take care of himself if that is truly what he wants.

I agree with the statement that he is probably testing you. My XABF did this many times, and I let him back each time proving to him that I wouldn't stand my ground and he could get away with anything. Like someone also mentioned, after the last time when he realized he wasn't getting back in he turned incredibily nasty. Even if you do decide to take him back, I think some space is a very good idea, and then you can see for yourself which turn his behavior takes when he feels that you aren't budging. I wish you the best of luck, and I do think you've made a very smart decision. I think you should be proud of yourself instead of second guessing but I do know that is all easier said than done. ((((HUGS))))