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Can someone explain what it means to be "empty?"

Old 11-15-2010, 10:52 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Is there any reason you see not to block him?
Not really. I have to admit, I was a little relieved to hear from him last week because then I knew he wasn't dead or has lost his job. Isn't that awful? I think his drinking really is that bad anymore. But sometimes people just go on forever somehow...so I know I should just block the emails.

It sounds to me like you have your head screwed on pretty well in this.
Thanks. It's a lot easier for me than most people because mentally I left the relationship a very long time ago. The sleeping together part is dead too, so there is no temptation to go over there. And he picked at me so much, it was miserable and there is no missing him or longing to see him. I just really wasn't getting anything out of it.

What do you need?
I basically decided to move on...doing all the things I wanted to do that he wouldn't allow or didn't take priority over his drinking and his friends. I quit drinking and see a counselor who seems to be a good fit for me. I'm trying to find new hobbies, social sports, interests, etc. I had started a new job in July that was very team-oriented with happy and healthy people. That made a big difference too...because who wants to come home to drama and drinking when you've had a good day with good people all day.

I do admit, for about two minutes I had a small thought of "Well maybe I could spend Thanksgiving with him, the holidays suck alone" and then quickly went back to, "No that would just put off the inevitable, would be miserable and only enable his issues."
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Old 11-15-2010, 11:12 AM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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sounds like no contact might do you good!
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Old 11-15-2010, 04:55 PM
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It would just restart the cycle...

...all over again. Good for you for not giving in. Alcoholic addicts are always probing for the weakspot in their codies/enablers, and once they find a ch*nk in the armor you are back on the roller coaster. Know your achilles heal and protect it, whatever it is.

I'll take loneliness over drama every day of the week.

Just my opinion. Take what you want and leave the rest.

Cyranoak

P.s. Can you believe the Sober Recovery filter would not let me use a noun that describes, and has since the 14th Century, a crack, cleft, fissure or narrow opening, in my post? The filter is clearly not contextual, and there is no other word that works for that phrase. Good God.

Originally Posted by goldengirl3 View Post
I do admit, for about two minutes I had a small thought of "Well maybe I could spend Thanksgiving with him, the holidays suck alone" and then quickly went back to, "No that would just put off the inevitable, would be miserable and only enable his issues."
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Old 11-15-2010, 05:56 PM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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Empty


Alone.
Lonely.
Soul-less.
Darkness and silence.
Solitary place.
Disposition of total isolation.
Ardently sought peace.
Sinking quicksand.
Lost, forbidden, bewildered.
No desires; no dreams to seek.
No flesh to renew or forsake.
A missing link.
Meandering the shadows.
Miniscule masses of some essence
An empty space deep in the soul.
A piece of sand on a beach.
Running through a dark forest.
Hollow; without substance.
A fragile tree making no sound as it falls.
Just cradled by flesh and bones.
Crushed roots.
Numbness.
Teetering.
No white doves.
Blank.
Vacant thoughts.
Secreting darkness.
Hollow.
Melancholy Silence.
Mindless actions.

Empty.
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Old 11-15-2010, 06:17 PM
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I'll take loneliness over drama every day of the week.
That was my conclusion. I was concerned a few months ago when I broke up with him about the approaching holidays...but found myself not caring about spending them alone. I would rather be alone than with him and his drama.
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Old 11-15-2010, 06:24 PM
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Buffalo66-

The phrase they used was,"try to become conscious of the ways that you have always felt his pain for him, averted his danger for him, sheilded him from feeling the lonliness that his addiction has caued him to experience..."
I felt like I had always done that in a subconscious way...it was automatic to me. I think I have always been emotionally enabling.
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Old 11-15-2010, 06:25 PM
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Originally Posted by Cyranoak View Post
I'll take loneliness over drama every day of the week.
Oh, HELL yes.

Thanks and God bless us all,
Coyote
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Old 11-15-2010, 09:55 PM
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Originally Posted by johndelko408 View Post
But I'll tell you what I've learned about alkies/addicts pursuing romantic relationships. When we first pursue a romantic relationship, the other relationships in our lives get moved to the back-burner. :
You got that right!
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Old 11-16-2010, 08:39 AM
  # 29 (permalink)  
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But I'll tell you what I've learned about alkies/addicts pursuing romantic relationships. When we first pursue a romantic relationship, the other relationships in our lives get moved to the back-burner
Mine used to do that with friends as well. If he made some new friends or buddies (all drinkers of course) all other relationships including me took a back burner. I used to say he viewed people as toys and was really excited every time he got a new toy. He would barely play with the other toys, even if they should be more important.

Another reason I decided to leave...I hated always wondering when the next new toy would come along.
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