Buffalo66

as long as i can speak my mind, keep my boundaries and continue feeling like i will not be crushed if he walks away after i lay those boundaries down, i guess I feel like i am being successful.

maybe it sounds like settling for the minimum, but...its what i am able to do right now, and thats more than i was ever able to do before.

i have terrible pms. every month. it can be devastating. the moods, the negative mind spirals.

he has swings like that EVERYDAY. i swing that that for a few days a month.

he feels that my pms might be too much for him to tolerate. its a lol, but it is also maddening.

thats all i have to say today.

i only have control over myself and my stuff.

JenT1968

that's all we can ask from ourselves and no-one else has a right to demand more.

and you come here and read and think and search: all of that too.

When I first came here, and started exploring the whole alcoholic/codependent dynamic and trying to understand and felt the enormity of how I was going to ahve to completely relearn my world- view in order to be happy and not get sucked into misery again, I could only make what I thought were small changes. but actually now I realise that those baby steps were far harder, far more brave and challenging than any big strides I made later.

the first steps up a mountain are the hardest, how big is that mountain? do I even want to climb it? is it possible? what will happen to the stuff and people I leave at the base? how will I survive? are the peopel who've been up that mountain before telling the truth? plus I was exhausted and confused.

when you're a bit of the way up, the air is clearer, there's a view, it's quieter, calmer, you know that your efforts do make progress; much, much easier to carry on then.

I think you're doing great.

TakingCharge999

I realise that those baby steps were far harder, far more brave and challenging than any big strides I made later.

That's true for me, too!! THANKS Jen!
Buffalo , oregano tea helped me when I had PMS...