me 2! i wanna know ...

You say "over analyzing" as if it was a bad thing. ;)

Seriously, though, you are paying attention and that's not a bad thing. Is he dismissive and possessive? Probably too soon to tell. Keep paying attention. What if he is dismissive and possessive? Are those dealbreakers, or just small annoyances? Probably depends on how far and to what degree they go. Keep paying attention.

The first man I dated after my separation was so many miles better than my ex, I found myself minimizing the red flags. After all--he was sooooooo much better than my ex. And I had spent so many years settling, I didn't know anything else. So, I nearly settled again, for someone who was merely "better than my ex." Then one day it dawned on me, I didn't have to settle. While nobody is perfect, I wanted someone whose behavior didn't make the hairs on the back of my neck stand up--not even occasionally. I'm glad I didn't settle.

Keep paying attention. Talk to him about it if you think you can. Over analyzing is way better than minimizing in my book. :)

L

Its a BUFFET. Only because there is only hot cakes when you go check out the warm meals, it does not mean that the cooks are not JUST about to get all the other warm delicious different bowls.

This happened to me today. I LOVE french toast. I CRAVED french toast. But there were only hot cakes and waffles. I get full of them then the next row I discover a TOWER of french toast, but I was TOO full! (Of course I ate one anyway :lmao )

I just did what LTD mentions, as a guy is not an alkie, doesn't insult me I go for it then I discover it was NOT what I wanted in the long run.....duh!! of course he was not IT !! he was just an available waffle not a delicious french toast with honey and organic strawberry jam.

What about seeing other male friends too? a mistake I do is to isolate myself to just someone then when I have car accidents I have NO ONE that is close enough to ask favors to... buffet...its a buffet....... the thing is to know what you are after.... once you know there is less confusion!!

For instance, I do not want to be "policed". If I imagine a social situation, what would make me happy would be to be free to befriend anyone and be trusted. Someone that has enough confidence not to feel 'threatened'. Someone who understands space and the need for human interactions, that does not want to keep me as a bird in a cage but in fact PUSHES me to expand my horizons. Someone who understands women can have male FRIENDS just as I know he can have female FRIENDS. I would ENCOURAGE him to have female friends. Healthy relationships in general. Of all kinds. (In fact I do not trust a guy that DOESN'T have true female friends.)

In short once you know its french toast then its french toast, sure you can enjoy the waffle but its NOT french toast. And when you realize you deserve what you truly enjoy in your heart suddenly all the restaurants serve french toast and then it becomes a matter of choosing between spreading honey, and what kind of honey?? strawberry or peach ham?? cheese? butter? everything? now THOSE are real options for a proactive woman in charge.

I dunno maybe I have had too much therapy lol, it always end up being self worth issues.
I am glad we are in this together!!

I am the queen of overanalyzing and reading into things etc.

But when I do that, I stop and listen to my gut. The gut knows, my gut is ALWAYS right.

Have fun, enjoy the attention but go slow.

I do see a couple of red flags. Not sure you want to know them and I don't wanna burst your bubble. So I won't post them.

I will say that you seem to be a bit awestruck by him, his position and success. Don't let that blind you.

Some of the biggest jerks I dated were hugely successful, made lots of money and made me feel like an accessory or another toy. But that is me projecting and I am an Aries! Want to be the center of attention and all..

Just enjoy yourself really. And do follow your gut :)

^^ my MAMA always said..."follow your gut sweetheart, it knows best"

Oh yes, me too. I guess I know realitically that I cant always be the center of attention, but...zooming over when you are talking to another man. well......
dammit, i dont know.
i want to feel like the center of attention at first for sure, not an accessory or achievement.
and, don't tell me you want a strong woman when you can't handle it.
pfffffft.
that is me projecting big time.

FourMaggie, In case you did not see: Libra planet is Venus. Sorry if I am not saying this right Trans.

Well, to be fair, the zooming over may have been to check in with my again to see if i was ready to go. I'm always getting pulled out of a crowd by the folks i"m with, I talk too much. And he did ask me if i was ready to go when he came over. His attentive-ness to my location might also have been just watching me.

He didn't make me feel like an accessory at all. He made me feel very special and respected. Except when he tuned out sometimes while I was talking. Realistically, that's a small thing.
I dont' think I'm awe struck so much as relieved to find someone that's my equal. Thrilled. I"ve written for the New York Times Magazine Babyblue and, again, am a Leo who knows she's a star and thinks everyone else is too! It's not a bad thing, in fact it helps me feel closer to him. He has utter respect for me as well, has seen me present twice now and gives me absolute props for my work.

I probably make it sound like that though, so I can understand that.

He's so sweet to me, adores me in so many ways and yes, is a galaxie away from AH. We have conversations about local and world politics, culture. I may never forget sitting with him yesterday morning in front of that wall sized window over looking the city and talking about the different areas we could see, their history and what might become of this city, so decimated in so many ways, yet full of life. We talked about our favorite places in the world and why we love to go there.

He's a fantastic lover. He matched my enthusiasm respectfully.

I'm not looking for another husband! Ah hells no. I'm not looking for someone to spend my whole life with. People come in and out of my life, it doesn't diminish my love for the.

And I'm also very much aware that this may be the relationship we have. He may be a man that teaches me how to improve my career trajectory and loves me up. That may be the extent of our relationship, who knows?

As far as being afraid I won't meet anyone else, that's not in my thoughts at all. I'm meeting men every day that are attracted to me. There just isn't enough time for all of them! :a143:
Still, I know there's no prince charming out there for this Girl..I count on MYSELF for what's important-self esteem and self worth.

I think I'm just an obsessive person. I keep trying to figure out how to see him again. But I have SO much freaking work to do....

I think I'm loosening up about this. You guys are helping so much. I called me bestest guy friend too and he said the same thing you guys are-take your time. Keep your eyes open. And he told me he's thrilled I found someone that's more my equal instead of wasting my time with folks who are not...

Ah, astrology...one of my favourite passions! I can relate Transform and Wicked as I'm an Aries sun with a moon in Leo. Funny thing is, moon in Leo doesn't really like a lot of attention in social situations unless they're with familiar company. We're more Lioness in the home and our loyalty to those we love knows no bounds (maybe why I've stuck around in some bad relationships for so long!) except we expect loyalty and adoration in return, lol! Transform, I wish I could give you some advice about the new relationship, red flag thing! I too was/am attracted to and used to the bad boys...(familiarity). I found myself dating a 'nice man' for a while and I looked for red flags and found them. They weren't hard to find. I'm still wondering if I was looking for an excuse to escape or whether they were legitimate reasons to end things. And see, FourMaggie saw some red flags and stayed in the relationship and is glad she did for the lesson and experience. I suppose at the end of the day, I wasn't ready for a new relationship and I'm spending time healing and getting to know myself. For you, I agree with what others have said to take things slowly and not make any major decisions now. In time, you'll know...you'll feel what's right for you...When's the SR party? Maybe Jadmack and I can fly over together? Yay! And, Transform, I'd love to go to the desert and meet your elder! Or, maybe we could meet somewhere in Asia? Thailand, Vietnam, Bali? Oh, I need a holiday! X

Man we would have a blast! Trust me.

Glen, my Elder, is Blackfoot and lives in the middle of the Mohave Desert. She takes care of the healing springs out there. Works with a bone handle knife strapped to her waist. She's so strong, so wonderful. I miss her.

And why not go to Australia instead. I should write my damn book and fly ALL of you guys someone to meet up. Ah, dreamy..

Oh, Transform, that's always been my dream! To go to the US and spend some time in the desert learning from your indigenous folk. I've always felt a connection to native americans, especially the Lakota. In the area where I live, we have a lot of indigenous folk and I treasure their connection to the land, Spirit and each other...I want to meet Blackfoot! Hey, I have a book written by an Native American Shaman, Black Elk. He said it takes over 60 years to become a fully fledged Shaman! Wow....love his book....

Transform, when you're a famous author, earning millions, can I please go on your list of people to fly over! Lol...

Oh yes, and go the gut feeling! I've been learning that too..... :)

I've just had breakfast but I'm hungry again now. I want French Toast!!!!! But I have to go to work! No fair!! :willy (stupid work. Stupid bills that need paying. s'not fair...)

Aw, Transformie, what a wonderfully honest post about where you're at.

Do I see you talking yourself out of your gut a wee, little bit? Maybe...I think I see a bit of that only cuz I do the exact same thing.

I've been in "a little something" myself relationship-wise, not unlike your situation. I'm taking steps carefully, my greatest prayer being that I keep my eyes open. But I'm trying to remember that I spent so much of my life with my eyes closed that I can't fault myself for having an extra-long "blink" here and there. I keep working the program/sponsorship/therapy/meetings and I know that all will be well.

Sounds like you're doing great, just being present to the process. You'll know. And that, my friend, is a beautiful thing.

In the meantime enjoy the fun and the learning opportunity...and let's get that SR vacation planning going!!! :)

Hugs,
posie

Thanks Posie
Here's where my frustration lies-am I talking myself into denial, or micro-analyzing something till I find fault.

At this point I don't give a rats ass. I'm going to relax, have fun, keep my boundaries in place and see what happens.

At first glance I thought this said, "what a wonderfully HORNEY post.." Ha!

I'm a man almost as old as your dude...
 

...and I can actually feel it when I think another man is giving too much attention to my wife or daughter (especially if he's younger and/or better looking than me). It's this compelling urge to go over and "mark territory," and I don't like the feeling at all. I admit, I'll usually go stand by my wife when I'm feeling this, but I've never actually stood between her and another man. I just get close enough that she notices me because, when she does, she always moves next to me which clearly messages our dynamic to other men (and I think she also does it to make sure I don't make some kind of jackass comment, which usually comes right after I get close). Daughter, on the other hand, get's super pissed if I even get near her when she's talking to a guy so I've learned to just stay away and observe from afar (some day I'll heal enough to observe less, or not at all).

There have been times other men were in fact out of line, once with a physical altercation between me and him, but more often than not it was me being possessive. I'd say you are seeing what you are seeing. How to interpret that is another question to which I don't have an answer at this time.

I guess what I'd say is there any indication he is self-aware or working on being self-aware? This may inform just how far you want to take the relationship. My wife says my character defects are much easier to deal with now that I'm aware of many of them. They are still with me, they just manifest less often, for a shorter period of time, and less severely because I know I have them.

Either way, your scenario is precisely why I swear that my wife is the last woman for me. If I'm ever single again, I'll remain a lifelong bachelor. It's taken wife and I eleven years to learn to live together and be happy more than miserable. I'm too old to go through this crap again.

Good luck!

Cyranoak

LOL, Transform. Get your mind out of the gutter, Girl! Oh wait, on the other hand, nevermind. Enjoy every minute. :)

posie

Uh-oh- I re-read what I'd written
he didn't physically insert himself between myself and my friend, just asked if I was ready to go.

Also, we talked about this last night. I asked if he was feeling jealous or possessive about me at that time and he said he just wanted to get out of there and be alone with me.

I think he was impatient rather than possessive. I mean, we've been in public many times together-the guy knows who I am and what I do. He's also very flattered that I would be seen with him in public, so he says, so whatever....

Right now we're trying to sort out how how to keep this relationship on the down low. It may be too late, but professionally there needs to remain a clear boundary. We are working on a breaking story together that hopefully will generate a media frenzy, and if folks know we're rolling around in the hay together, that would be a hit to our credibility. And that needs to be protected at all costs.

I've been out of the dating game for 30 years, so I can't really offer any solid advice. I can only offer a personal perspective.

I was fascinated by what Buffalo66 posted. Looking back, I saw some red flags while dating my current AW, but I decided to ignore them. I guess we all make mistakes when we're young, especially when dealing with the opposite sex. If I end up divorced, I doubt that I'll ever date again... but if I do, I'll probably be insufferably cautious.

I think it's normal for people to put their best foot forward while dating, and sometimes they successfully hide their flaws. I know I did, or at least tried to, when I was young and single.

Anyway, it sounds like you're handling the situation carefully, but still allowing yourself to have fun. I'd say that's a reasonably balanced, healthy attitude.

Good luck.

Also, please remember, the other person actually FEELS GREAT too when THEY meet YOU. It's EXCITING! The other person, including people who are alcoholic, are happy and feel great from all the feel-good chemicals produced in their brain from falling in love. They may not necessarily be consciously hiding anything.

I have historically made the mistake of believing that men have done these things on purpose and then switched on me. Looking back now I believe it wasn't purposeful at all. I honestly think that most people are doing the best they can to get by in life.

I'm 50 and jealous about the above quote. Bwwaaa haaaaa haaaa. Gotta laugh about it, cause what else can I do? A little laser therapy, perhaps?

OK, and my wheels, well, they haven't been serviced in a long time.

Sorry for the interruption, carry on.

heehe
my daughter gets the non existant hairs from my chin, she sees them first!

and i know i am overdue for a good rotation!
:rotfxko


transform, you are leaving yourself wide open here!
;)

:herewego