Tell about your A's temper tantrums
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Florida
Posts: 375
Tell about your A's temper tantrums
Anyone want to try to make another fun thread? Tell about your A's craziest, silliest, funniest, most outlandish temper tantrum. It doesn't have to be funny either, can be serious but just unbelievable.
I know mine did a bunch for stupid reasons that blew my mind. The only one that comes to mind at the moment was he threw a huge temper tantrum because I said I didn't really like a certain restaurant...the food was going downhill. He went off for hours and didn't speak to me for days.
anyone?
I know mine did a bunch for stupid reasons that blew my mind. The only one that comes to mind at the moment was he threw a huge temper tantrum because I said I didn't really like a certain restaurant...the food was going downhill. He went off for hours and didn't speak to me for days.
anyone?
Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: CT
Posts: 42
Hmm, let me think. This isn't a temper tantrum but it did make me laugh. I was driving us home from dinner and he was trying (TRYING!) to hook up his iphone to the car and boy oh boy was he missing the aux cord. I had to laugh, in my head because I didn't want to get yelled at, I was thinking of Happy Gilmore...."are you too good for your home?"....when he was trying to get the golf ball in the hole.
I Love Who I Am
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
Here's something scary-my temper tantrums have been more frequent and horrible than his, I think. Before i started recovering that is. I fed into his madness and slammed doors, threw dinner in the garbage, refused to go on family excursions and overall acted like a crazy person.
Thank goodness those days are OVER!
Thank goodness those days are OVER!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: England
Posts: 741
Mine once threatened (subtly) suicide because I wouldn't cook his dinner.
Was on a vodka binge and asked me at 7am to cook him some food whilst I was making my daughters breakfast. I refused, said he could do it himself. He spent the rest of the day getting drunker and drunker, asking for food every time I went into the kitchen. Said I had to help him, he was hungry. Come supper time and I'm cooking for myself and my daughter, he asks if he can have some of what we're having. It's like a stand off by this time as he's spent about 12 hours asking me to feed him and I've spent 12 hours refusing or ignoring.
I tell him point blank "NO", he loses it, starts ranting that I don't care about him, how he's such a burden. Get's his coat on and says "I'm going, and if something happens to me it will be your fault, then you'll be happy and be rid of me". I say "Bye" and he storms out. Comes back an hour later and goes straight up to bed. I never cooked for him again.
Mind, that happened the month I joined SR, no wonder I came looking for this place.
Was on a vodka binge and asked me at 7am to cook him some food whilst I was making my daughters breakfast. I refused, said he could do it himself. He spent the rest of the day getting drunker and drunker, asking for food every time I went into the kitchen. Said I had to help him, he was hungry. Come supper time and I'm cooking for myself and my daughter, he asks if he can have some of what we're having. It's like a stand off by this time as he's spent about 12 hours asking me to feed him and I've spent 12 hours refusing or ignoring.
I tell him point blank "NO", he loses it, starts ranting that I don't care about him, how he's such a burden. Get's his coat on and says "I'm going, and if something happens to me it will be your fault, then you'll be happy and be rid of me". I say "Bye" and he storms out. Comes back an hour later and goes straight up to bed. I never cooked for him again.
Mind, that happened the month I joined SR, no wonder I came looking for this place.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Alaska
Posts: 2,913
STBXAH planned a lovely evening for our first wedding anniversary: take out from my favorite restaurant, candles, roses, and, of course, wine and vodka. I ended up having the flu and getting incredibly sick that day; spent the evening alternately shivering and burning up and retching miserably. Rather than do anything remotely helpful, he got mad, proceeded to drink down the vodka and berated me for being sick after he did all that work. He never planned anything else and refused to do anything I tried to plan for any other anniversary and there have been 9, though only 7 under the same roof. A 7-year tantrum, because I had the audacity to have the flu when he planned a romantic evening.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 344
Originally Posted by Rayn3dr0p 
My ex didn't throw temper tantrums as much as he waited for me to throw one so he could tell me how crazy I am. You see, by comparison, he was the "good one" in the relationship. Ha!
Could it be you also were with the control freak type of A? Cool, calm, and collected, that is, until I went bezerk and finally impenetrated that armor?
He SOOOO hated it if I actually got him to react instead of gaslight.
I had to be the crazy one (never my persona except in that relationship) because that was his game plan. Infuriate the woman, make her half out of her mind by pushing her buttons, sit back and enjoy the circus show, vodka in hand.
I think the worst example was chastising me later for saying absolutely NOTHING when verbally assaulted!
What was I accused of? Seething anger as I quietly sat there and listened, not even angry, just trying to understand HIS frustration.
NEVER a tantrum though, as he is above them. Or is he? A different method of expressing his anger was to get me to express mine. Somehow that made him feel better. Anybody see the mind-screw in that? Humph.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: San Antonio TX
Posts: 133
My DDH fell asleep by 8:00 p.m. and I normally fall asleep around midnight. The fight started when I was surfing on my computer for "At Home Jobs" on my internet in my chair in the Masterroom. I came across a business which interested me; however, it had a loud audio and it woke him up.
The next night as we were getting ready for sleep. His arms were starting to look like Barney, dark purple. I mentioned his arms looked how my body looked when my organs were starting to fail. I recommended he should probably go to a doctor. He had a temper tantun. That's when he switched subjects and wondered what I was doing on the internet the night before. When I told him, all hell broke out! I called my 35 year old son and told him to take to a hotel. Then my DDH told me that I didn't care about our children ( one is 35 and other one is 19 years old) and that we were going to go broke. (Which we aren't)
My DDH temper tamper yesterday was started by me just asking him a question. I merely asked him if he remembered the described fight, He just shrugged his shoulders. I said "Either you remember or you don't!" And then it was on!
The current tension between my DDH and I could be cut by a knife! And yet he wants to play that this isn't happening!
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Everytime I open my mouth anymore he has a temper tamper!
I try not to say anything to him any longer. If I happen to say anything he doesn't like, he has a temper tamper.
The next night as we were getting ready for sleep. His arms were starting to look like Barney, dark purple. I mentioned his arms looked how my body looked when my organs were starting to fail. I recommended he should probably go to a doctor. He had a temper tantun. That's when he switched subjects and wondered what I was doing on the internet the night before. When I told him, all hell broke out! I called my 35 year old son and told him to take to a hotel. Then my DDH told me that I didn't care about our children ( one is 35 and other one is 19 years old) and that we were going to go broke. (Which we aren't)
My DDH temper tamper yesterday was started by me just asking him a question. I merely asked him if he remembered the described fight, He just shrugged his shoulders. I said "Either you remember or you don't!" And then it was on!
The current tension between my DDH and I could be cut by a knife! And yet he wants to play that this isn't happening!
*********************
**************** ********Everytime I open my mouth anymore he has a temper tamper!
I try not to say anything to him any longer. If I happen to say anything he doesn't like, he has a temper tamper.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 1,118
I know there are several, but here's the one I remember off the top of my head.
My A got really upset because I didn't notice his haircut. Really upset--"You didn't care about me! You never pay attention to me! Whaaa, whaa!" This went on all afternoon .. True, I hadn't noticed--because he was wearing a hat the whole time!
And he still didn't back down. I should have noticed anyway.
My A got really upset because I didn't notice his haircut. Really upset--"You didn't care about me! You never pay attention to me! Whaaa, whaa!" This went on all afternoon .. True, I hadn't noticed--because he was wearing a hat the whole time!
And he still didn't back down. I should have noticed anyway.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Southwest
Posts: 1,207
Here was the biggie:
While on a nice vacation with my parents, brother and his wife at a beach house in Florida with firm plans to take our children to DisneyWorld the following week, my XAH became enraged at me for trying to control him (asking him if he wanted me to rent a bike for him while I was renting them for everyone else), and then told me that he was leaving. He was done with the trip and through being married, and then he drove back to Texas.
And that's when I knew that *I* was done being married to him.
While on a nice vacation with my parents, brother and his wife at a beach house in Florida with firm plans to take our children to DisneyWorld the following week, my XAH became enraged at me for trying to control him (asking him if he wanted me to rent a bike for him while I was renting them for everyone else), and then told me that he was leaving. He was done with the trip and through being married, and then he drove back to Texas.
And that's when I knew that *I* was done being married to him.
Heathen
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: La La Land, USA
Posts: 2,567
As an alcoholic and addict in recovery, I'm a little taken aback that this is a silly or "fun" thread to post, and almost offended.. but alas, take what I want and leave the rest. I know we've all suffered a lot of crazy stuff here. As a person who's had many relationships with addicts and alcoholics, most of the "tantrums" (for lack of a much better term) were devastating, disturbing, and downright frightening. As were my own.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: England
Posts: 741
Well sometimes you just gotta laugh...it's better than crying. Plus, sometimes the downright stupidity and audacity is funny when you stand back and look at the situation as someone outside of it would.
Freedom, I posted whilst you were, I wouldn't think violence funny, ever.
Am referring to some of the stuff that our A's come out with sometimes.
Freedom, I posted whilst you were, I wouldn't think violence funny, ever.
Am referring to some of the stuff that our A's come out with sometimes.
To thine own self be true.
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
I agree naive and DeVon. Thank you both for posting because I could not quite put my finger on why I was avoiding this thread ... your sharing helped me to see why.
Every one of the tantrums I have thrown, whether they were as a result of my own alcoholism, or from growing up in an alcoholic family, or from continuing to surround myself with other sick people, or from what doctors tell me are mental and cognitive illnesses, could likely be laughed at on any given day by the many people who have witnessed them. But there is nothing funny about any of it. I don't appreciate people, especially here on SR, making fun of this.
If you are frustrated or hurt or otherwise affected by your loved one throwing a temper tantrum then by all means, please share and post about what you are going through and what you might need to do to cope with it. But why do you need to poke fun at people for this? I do not know what is going on here at SR lately but there seems to be a lot of this type of thing on this board lately and it's making me uneasy.
Every one of the tantrums I have thrown, whether they were as a result of my own alcoholism, or from growing up in an alcoholic family, or from continuing to surround myself with other sick people, or from what doctors tell me are mental and cognitive illnesses, could likely be laughed at on any given day by the many people who have witnessed them. But there is nothing funny about any of it. I don't appreciate people, especially here on SR, making fun of this.
If you are frustrated or hurt or otherwise affected by your loved one throwing a temper tantrum then by all means, please share and post about what you are going through and what you might need to do to cope with it. But why do you need to poke fun at people for this? I do not know what is going on here at SR lately but there seems to be a lot of this type of thing on this board lately and it's making me uneasy.
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Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Quebec
Posts: 2,708
Given the turn this thread has taken, I hesitate to post anything that might seem as though I'm making light of the pain others have been through.
For me, the tantrums were either dangerous (throwing and breaking things, punching walls), disturbing (cutting his chest and arms repeatedly whenever he felt I was "hurting" him), or petty...:
Late one Sunday night, driving home from my parents' house, in my mother's car, after having spent the week-end driving him around to various shopping malls and stores (so he could spend), to the native reservation (so he could buy cheap smokes or else he'd just spend money one pack after another), doing his laundry and ironing at my parents' place (so he could look good at work), running to the store to buy him beer (to make sure he didn't get angry or upset), while making sure my 10 months old nursling didn't bother him....It's late, the gas light has been on for far too long, the baby is howling in the back, I tell him I'm concerned we'll have to stop for gas, and he yells "WHY CAN'T IT EVER BE ABOUT ME FOR A MINUTE?? HUH?! WHAT ABOUT MEEEEEEEE?!!!".
Boy am I glad those days are over.
For me, the tantrums were either dangerous (throwing and breaking things, punching walls), disturbing (cutting his chest and arms repeatedly whenever he felt I was "hurting" him), or petty...:
Late one Sunday night, driving home from my parents' house, in my mother's car, after having spent the week-end driving him around to various shopping malls and stores (so he could spend), to the native reservation (so he could buy cheap smokes or else he'd just spend money one pack after another), doing his laundry and ironing at my parents' place (so he could look good at work), running to the store to buy him beer (to make sure he didn't get angry or upset), while making sure my 10 months old nursling didn't bother him....It's late, the gas light has been on for far too long, the baby is howling in the back, I tell him I'm concerned we'll have to stop for gas, and he yells "WHY CAN'T IT EVER BE ABOUT ME FOR A MINUTE?? HUH?! WHAT ABOUT MEEEEEEEE?!!!".
Boy am I glad those days are over.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 344
Peace...please.
All of us have our idiosyncracies and moments that we are only thinking selfishly or incompassionately, alanons, AAs, and everybody on the planet.
It's simple venting. Although it may not be a perfect behavior, I don't think a little venting and story telling of the lighter side of relationship errors is reason to get upset.
I think anything violent, extremely hurtful emotionally, or tragic doesn't belong on a venting thread.
Maybe next we'll tell of our own stupid temper tantrums, just to even the score. I'll even start the thread if anybody is interested.
All of us have our idiosyncracies and moments that we are only thinking selfishly or incompassionately, alanons, AAs, and everybody on the planet.
It's simple venting. Although it may not be a perfect behavior, I don't think a little venting and story telling of the lighter side of relationship errors is reason to get upset.
I think anything violent, extremely hurtful emotionally, or tragic doesn't belong on a venting thread.
Maybe next we'll tell of our own stupid temper tantrums, just to even the score. I'll even start the thread if anybody is interested.
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Alaska
Posts: 2,913
Smacked, Freedom and Learn, I am sorry if this thread has offended any one. I gain so much insight from reading here and by what you share.
I do know that this thread has helped me. I have had, and continue to have, issues recognizing which parts of my relationship with STBXAH were/are problems - either alcohol related or abusive. In order to see what was wrong in my relationship, it's helped to read about what others have struggled with and to write out what was wrong in mine. So much of it seemed 'normal' at the time, and sometimes still does.
I know, and I'm sure most SR members know, that the relationship issues are a 2-way street, not everything that went wrong is my A's fault, but neither is it - as he would tell me - all my fault. After 16 years with him, nearly 10 of those married, I allowed my perceptions to be over-ruled by his 'truths', as skewed as they are, and I'm fighting so hard to get away from that.
It's not 'normal' to never celebrate a wedding anniversary. Until thinking about this thread, I didn't really recognize that. I also thought it was 'normal' for a significant other to pick fights so he can drink/party or that him nit-picking me and berating me non-stop so I got angry and he could then be angry at me was the normal dynamic of relationships. I put up with these and more for so long.
Is all the stuff I put up with funny? No. Some of it was downright hurtful and terrifying. But I'm starting to be able to laugh about some of the more harmless stuff. And I think that's progress.
Part of me knew it wasn't how healthy couples related and I tried harder and harder and harder to 'fix' myself so we would be a healthy couple. I couldn't see past the haze created by his drinking and my reactions to it. I am trying - and reading and writing about the problems helps, getting out all of the things that hurt helps, acknowledging that they were hurtful helps.
I'm not sure if I'm being clear here, and I'm not sure if it will help any one to know where I'm coming from, but I do hope you know, IMO, this thread was never intended to hurt any one, just act as another venue to allow some of us start/continue healing.
I do know that this thread has helped me. I have had, and continue to have, issues recognizing which parts of my relationship with STBXAH were/are problems - either alcohol related or abusive. In order to see what was wrong in my relationship, it's helped to read about what others have struggled with and to write out what was wrong in mine. So much of it seemed 'normal' at the time, and sometimes still does.
I know, and I'm sure most SR members know, that the relationship issues are a 2-way street, not everything that went wrong is my A's fault, but neither is it - as he would tell me - all my fault. After 16 years with him, nearly 10 of those married, I allowed my perceptions to be over-ruled by his 'truths', as skewed as they are, and I'm fighting so hard to get away from that.
It's not 'normal' to never celebrate a wedding anniversary. Until thinking about this thread, I didn't really recognize that. I also thought it was 'normal' for a significant other to pick fights so he can drink/party or that him nit-picking me and berating me non-stop so I got angry and he could then be angry at me was the normal dynamic of relationships. I put up with these and more for so long.
Is all the stuff I put up with funny? No. Some of it was downright hurtful and terrifying. But I'm starting to be able to laugh about some of the more harmless stuff. And I think that's progress.
Part of me knew it wasn't how healthy couples related and I tried harder and harder and harder to 'fix' myself so we would be a healthy couple. I couldn't see past the haze created by his drinking and my reactions to it. I am trying - and reading and writing about the problems helps, getting out all of the things that hurt helps, acknowledging that they were hurtful helps.
I'm not sure if I'm being clear here, and I'm not sure if it will help any one to know where I'm coming from, but I do hope you know, IMO, this thread was never intended to hurt any one, just act as another venue to allow some of us start/continue healing.
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