transformyself

So I"m dating this guy right? I has this "outing," conversation where I told him all the bad things about me. Well some of the bad things about me. I wanted to get them out of the way. Stuff like: I sometime smoke, I have PTSD, I'm a packrat, I swear like a Sailor, etc.

That was yesterday. Today he called me, asking questions (read: interviewing me) about the PTSD and had done preliminary research into it. He said, "I want to be your friend and if this is part of who you are I need to understand it."

It keeps surprising me that he's NOT like AH. I printed out and handed AH material to read about my disorder, begged him to read the **** so we could work together. I wanted compassion from him. He couldn't give it to me. Or wouldn't. Not capable or interested or whatever.

I'm still floored that this man is so dramatically different from what I'm used to. I'm even a bit annoyed with myself for holding onto that relationship for AH for so long with no measurable positive changes.

It's like that Taoist line that says something like, "How then can I be sure that the dead do not regret of having previously clung to life?"

wicked

Did he tell you any "bad" stuff about him?
No need to tell, I was just wondering. and this is for my own enlightenment.
I thought my friend and I had gotten past all this crap, and now more hurdles come up.
I am tired. I still like him, but at what cost to me?
Somehow the message to me seems to be you are so great, just wait til we get together.
Yeah? When?
sorry transform, i am wondering for myself if i am holding onto old puzzles myself, just with a different picture.
i am glad you have found some peace and truth for you.
i still havent guessed the editor of what alternative paper.
damn, metro detroit?
LOL

transformyself

Oh come on Beth

here's a clue:
I'm a featured speaker tomorrow at an event hosted by this paper.

No, he hasn't shared bad stuff about him. I didn't expect him to. I just wanted to be blunt, as usual.

What old pictures of yourself are you hanging onto, if you want to share my friend..

wicked

Well, the idea that I am the calm steady one.
The one who needs no support or help, I am there when you need me as a rock to steady you by.
Or a rudder to gently steer you (after of course finding out what makes you tick)
Maybe I gave him the idea that I need less than others, because I was afraid being needy would make him run away.
When I asked for some attention, straight out, he said
"i thought you were the one person i could count on who didnt need to be emotionally baby sat."
i am crying right now, i feel so foolish and lonely.
i deserve better than this. i thought i was getting it.

transformyself

I'm sorry he was so callous with your request for compassion. What a jerk. Seriously.

I can tell you that it's perfectly normal-and healthy!-to need and ask for attention. And being straight up is a beautiful thing in my books.

This makes me so mad. How dare he treat you this way?

Well at least now you see who he really is. I'd NC him right away and start recovering. You're so good Wicked. Such a good caring person. He minimized and shamed you for asking for attention.

I should kick his ass

wicked

Yes, he did. And, I think you know how very hard it was for me to ask.
But, I did it. He cant take that away!
HAH!

transformyself

Good Wicked. That's better.
You've helped me, and so many here, so many times. You deserve a man who dotes on and can't wait to love you up.

naive

read of the death of socrates to understand this.

naive

michelle01

When I was drinking my primary relationship was with the bottle itself, not really the people in my life, I just went through the motions of trying to please them and was very self-involved. I would have denied this at the time... as the denial of my condition perhaps extended to other areas of my life and relationships. I went through similar too with an addicted family member.

With both sides of experience, I would never try to be a 'rock' to an alcoholic or an addict as I think it's unhealthy in an emotionally involved relationship, and really just an addict's excuse in many cases to avoid getting their own help. It can tear you apart emotionally however, as I still loved the addict... but not their illness.

I know what you're getting at but as an aside, your title stood out to me, as I believe we're all here for a purpose and reason, to learn through living. If I didn't believe that, I'd probably give up the struggle pretty quick, as nothing would make sense.

Freedom1990

Although I'm an open book among my peers in recovery, I'm much more guarded when it comes to social situations like dating.

It was amazing progress for me to see I could go out on a date, come home by myself, and that was the end of that. It was just a nice part of the day.

Maybe I've just gotten to be too selfish in enjoying my own life sans a man, but I would get the heebie jeebies if someone was researching a condition of mine...not that I would open up completely about such things in the first place.

What works for me certainly isn't going to work for everyone else.

In any event, I really do wish you the best, Transform.

transformyself

michelle I can almost understand why you'd make that jump-that the title implies life isn't worth living-but that's just not it. I don't think the concept that life after death is more wonderful than anymore could imagine (or that life after being married to an A is more wonderful than we could imagine for that matter) conflicts with how meaningful every moment of every day is. Of course we're here, each of us, to fulfill a greater purpose.

transformyself

Thanks Freedom. I do have an open book policy that's extraordinary, I think. I'm always outing myself, annoyingly I publish a great deal of it too. My sisters or friends will call me and start conversations off with , "now you can't write about this!"

I was impressed. He's a journalist, so am I. I would have done the same thing. Gone off to gather research and check back with him about it.