When the alcoholic blames you for all his problems

Old 05-27-2014, 05:30 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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a lurker came and brought it back to life! Lol....god bless!
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Old 05-27-2014, 05:47 PM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by p2792 View Post
Yes, they are CON men or women. I've been married to my alcoholic spouse for 30 years. I stayed too long and he was cruel and convincing that I was the cause of everything. Through good counseling I now know that's the usual for alcoholics. He dumped me for his best friend, the bottle. I have since moved out and it's almost been a year. I still feel the guilt, shame and all that he put in my head, or I ALLOWED him to do. Thank God I moved and am out of the stress and cruelty. I'm slowly coming around. It's going to take a while. Thanks for posting. It helps validate what I have been through.
Hey, First -- Welcome!

I have heard from AWtf from time-to-time that I may have:

(among many others)

Addictions. (nope, sorry wrong room).

An Eating Disorder. (ummm, no that was AWtf who had to do rehab for that)

And about three times, most recently, a Personality Disorder . . . (hmmm. I guess Therapy must be getting a little close to home. )


So have you checked out Alanon or any other the help available?
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Old 05-19-2015, 05:08 PM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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It is not only men who are the alcoholics. I am married to a woman that is one. I get blamed every time she faulters. It gets old and tiring. She just finished an 11 day binge with 18 bottles of booze. She is sober now and angry that I won't give her back her car keys yet. Well, I had to stop her twice during that time from driving to the liquor store. She doesn't remember that and claims I am making it up. Then when i stop her from drinking she calls me a bully. Frustrating.
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Old 05-19-2015, 05:40 PM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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Hi, husband,

Welcome! Yes, we know that there are almost as many (if not AS many) women alcoholics as men, and that they cause just as much pain and chaos as male alcoholics.

This is a very old thread, started in 2010 and most recently posted to last year. Maybe you'd like to start a new thread and really introduce yourself?
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Old 05-19-2015, 05:49 PM
  # 25 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by hopeful4 View Post
O lordy yes! It is just manipulation and denial. You have to come to a mental point that you see this as part of their issue, because it is. Once I realized that it would NEVER change, no matter who my XAH is with or anything else, I was ok. Frustrated, but ok.

They are unable to accept they cause their own problems in their lives. It is a chronic issue with alcoholics. I am not sure which comes first, the chicken or the egg. Are they manipulators before they become alcoholics ( my answer is usually yes ) or after. Either way, it does not matter, that is what they have become.

Stay upbeat and move on with your life dear girl. You deserve more. Keep your cup always half full, not half empty and keep moving forward!
...the chicken or the egg...

That sums it up because I think most might very well had issues prior to heavy drinking or drugging. I think the drinking adds to it, they couldn't handle reality prior and probably have a lesser grip of reality now. If one thinks in detail I'm pretty sure there were warning signs or behaviors years ago that makes their current status no surprise.

I guess that's why coping skills or lack there of keep popping up when talking rehab.
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Old 05-20-2015, 03:48 AM
  # 26 (permalink)  
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It's a classic Alcoholic move, they can't/don't/won't take responsibility for anything.

Don't take it personally.
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Old 05-20-2015, 03:49 AM
  # 27 (permalink)  
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Just to add to this on-going classic is a link to another classic: What is a good response to blame?
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Old 05-20-2015, 04:54 AM
  # 28 (permalink)  
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My ex fiancÚ's words to me after I left: "I don't have a problem. You ruined my life by leaving and telling my family everything I did. You just wanted an excuse to leave. Everything that happens to me now is your fault."

What she didn't get was that her behavior is what caused me to leave, and I wouldn't have left if she wasn't doing things to destroy our relationship. Also, she wants me to think that I'm fully responsible for her behavior after I left, even though she's a human being capable of independent thought. It's impossible to understand someone who is insane because they don't think rationally.
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