lulu1974

Hello all,

I was wondering if anyone else had issues when good things started happening?

I interviewed and got a new job which I am so looking forward to! This is good right? Except I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop.

I am dating someone WHO ACTUALLY listens to me. He is kind, affectionate, cuddly and funny and really seems to like me. So when I told him the text messaging daily was so sweet but I was hoping to have some live phone conversations with him as well and he listened and calls me now why did this seems so odd? His work schedule is opposite of mine so I also mentioned that I am not sure how to manage that and he said "we'll work it out" and then made a point of spending more time with me. Why does this feel so weird?

Could it be that I am having some insecurity issues because good things are happening and or am I certifibly crazy?

Hugs Lulu

dollydo

I'd vote for insecurity. I know that you are wonderful person who deserves the best that life has to offer! Relax and enjoy yourself!

HealingWillCome

Lulu, this is all great news. Congratulations on your new job and your new relationship with a genuinely kind guy.

Could it be that it's out of your comfort zone to have someone treat you well? You're definitely not certifiably crazy. I feel where you're at because I've been in relationships with really great men who treated me well. Unfortunately, I have spent my life looking for a non-committer like my alcoholic father, and so when a good guy would treat me well, all the time, I didn't know what to do with all the kindness! I broke up with every guy who was ever good to me because I didn't know what to do with the kindness. It actually turned me off. I think I viewed it as a weakness. That's something I'm working on now. I don't ever want to let a good one get away again.

I'm happy for you. Let the good things happen. Stay strong and confident. Know your values and your boundaries, but maybe be careful about letting them become too rigid. I think we sometimes doubt that we deserve goodness, or we get scared that we'll get hurt, and so we build walls.

Peace and hugs to you, Lulu. Enjoy these good times that you deserve!

lulu1974

HealingWillCome...that is exactly it. I really really like him. I dont want to get hurt so I find myself in unfamiliar territory. Its uncomfortable. Its been so long since I cuddled and watched a movie with someone who is so sweet to me. I am having a hard time believing he is real. That he is true. And truthfully why he came into my life. How did I finally get to a place to attact someone like him. I am becoming obsessed with his goodness. I keep questioning it. Why is he being so good so fast. I keep thinking there must be something wrong with him. I love the little gifts and sweet notes. Either this is instant chemistry or he is too good to be true. How does one set a boundry and guard oneself when someone is being this nice and sweet?

Oy.

Hugs
Lulu

cinnamngirl

i vote yes yes and yes again. i felt the exact same way when this type of thing happened to me. not in a dating context though. i grew up thinking i was not worth as much as other people, always very quiet, introvert, overly sensitive.
nobody liked talking to me and nobody listened (during school years).

then after school, when the real life began, and i moved abroad, and all of a sudden people at work talked to me and seemed interested in my opinion. i was almost taken aback and couldn't believe it. at first i just thought they were being polite. every time someone seemed to like me (despite my introvert behaviour) an inner voice said why is he/she like that towards me? ah it must be because they don't know me yet. if they knew me they would not like me because i am not really worth it.

anyway over the years i worked out that i was wrong all along - i am in fact worth it and i deserve good things happening to me.

and so do you. don't listen to that niggling voice saying good things are not supposed to happen to you. they are and they will.

HealingWillCome

Oy, is right. I understand where you're coming from.

Keep being good to yourself and keep that confidence strong. He's with you because he likes you, and he likes spending time with you! Are there any red flags about his behavior? If not, then be yourself, have fun, and let yourself enjoy his company. There's no rush right? Take it slow if that's what you need to do. Maybe you're also scared to become too attached or appear clingy or needy? It's good to keep doing things for yourself, with your girlfriends, by yourself. Be confident. You deserve to be happy.

Enjoy it. HP knows what's best..."let go and let God" works in times like this, too. No matter where the relationship leads, your happiness is determined by you, not your circumstances! You are doing well!

lulu1974

Thank you so much for sharing this. I can say the same thing about myself and can totally relate to your share. I do feel if people really knew me they wont like me. Including him. But I do need to work on my self esteem and self worth. I felt better getting this out and talking about it. Hugs to you


Lulu

lulu1974

The only red flag is that he seems to really like me. It was going a bit fast in the beginning but then he slowed to a reasonable pace. He's really nice and sweet to me. That is the only red flag I see so far.

HealingWillCome

That's not a red flag. That's a great thing. Unless he's pushy or expecting too much from you, or baring his soul to you, telling you you're the love of his life already. That would be a red flag.

lulu1974

I had to laugh at myself here. When I reread what I wrote I burst out laughing. The red flag is that a nice guy likes me. Super. Laughing at myself like you cant believe.

He was pushy once but I pushed back and he's been fine since. We just have a connection or so I think. It was just an instant connection and that has never happened to me before so I want to be cautious. We can talk and laugh for hours. Its so unusual. That never happens to me with men.

So I guess no. No red flags so far.

Thanks Healing. Hugs to you!

Lulu

HealingWillCome

Yay for you! The above is a really big deal to me. That's the kind of relationship that I love.

You sound really, really good. And so does this relationship. Yay for you, again!

TakingCharge999

congratulations lulu !!!!!!!!!!!

Keep doing other things besides him

I am so glad for you, thanks you have inspired me.

Many other great things are coming to you, better start getting used to it

Learn2Live

What I learned from my relationships after I got into Recovery is that One Day At A Time applies to EVERY day, both the bad days AND the good days. In good relationships and bad. I also learned that I need to keep my Higher Power as my higher power, and not make a man my higher power. I learned to be grateful for everything good in my life, not just the man or how well he treated me, because sooner or later they all start to show their spots, even the sweet ones. I also know now not to make up my mind about a man until six months to a year has passed. My hope for you LuLu is that soon you will see just how beautiful you are, WITHOUT any man making you feel that way.

PS New jobs are stressful even when they are great. Surround yourself with familiar things and keep in close contact with friends and family while you transition.

You're doing excellent!!

lulu1974

Thank you L2L. I do have plans with friends for the next 2 Saturdays and I met a friend for dinner last night. I am still doing all the things that I always did. Sometimes I just get overwhlemed. Like today. I am so grateful to have a place like this and great people like you to share with. My self esteem is something I battle with. Lots of new things happening at once. But hopefully they all turn out to be good things.

Hugs
Lulu