Today was a tough one...
 

As some of you know I have an ABF...now an XABF....its been tough but whats even tougher is when you work in a liquor store and seeing people like my XABF every day. I used to love my job, but i think i might have to leave it!

Today was a brutal one. I had a guy come in an noon covered in vomit and mucus and wanted some rye so i sold it to him. (We can't deny a person the booze if they can communicate normally and have the money) I then called a cab for him but as soon as the cab driver saw how filthy the guy was he drove on by. He asked how he was gonna get home. I told him the bus was probably his only option besides walking.

Pretty much right after him one of my regulars came in, bought some beers and left....it wasn't more than 20 mins and she was back and had a buzz. She put 20$ worth of dimes on the counter and asked what she had enough money for, so she got more beer. I feel awful for this lady. She once mentioned how her husband beats her up and treats her like crap. He actually came in once and yelled at me for selling it to her. but unless she was very noticeable intoxicated i can't legally do that.

To top it off "vodka lady" came in like usual today. I absolutely love her. She's a sweet 47 year old former nurse who usually brings her dog Lily with her. We chat and she even asked me to watch Lily over the Christmas holidays. Unfortunately she buys so much vodka each day, its killing her and i can see it already. She comes in two-three times a day and buys a small vodka each time. I often question myself as to why she doesnt just buy a 1.14L of the stuff cause it would be cheaper, but maybe its her way of thinking its not so bad if she has smaller bottles? She looked terrible the second time i saw her today. She always blames her sore knee for the drinking, she knows she has a problem and she even mentioned her daughters drink way too much as well. I hope the best for her but i dont think she'll change. Her husband seems to always provide her with money:(

Before dealing with my XABF I would just sell these people their booze and not worry about them at all, just continued on doing my job and living my life. But I worry more and more about people when I see them continuously come into the liquor store. I don't know what to do. I still absolutely love my coworkers, the money is quite good, and the hours are great. Just wondering if i can detach myself from everyone who comes in, especially "vodka lady" cause whenever there are days she doesnt come in, i worry. my co-workers worry too on their shifts if they dont see her:(

I couldn't do it, even if I wasn't an alcoholic. I would try to "save" everyone. I don't know. Maybe you can get to a place of detachment. If you think about it, you may be one of the few social connections that these people have.
What are you going to do?

i feel for you in your situation. i don't think i could do that job, for me it would be like working in a research lab looking after the animals, feeding and cleaning them, and knowing what fate is awaiting them. in the same way you give the drinkers what they want, knowing that each drink could be their last one.
on the other hand i would probably feel more sorry for the little mice in the labs as they didn't choose to be there. the drinkers know what they are doing and the potential consequences and still choose to drink.
maybe that thought helps.

I agree with the above post by Glitter. You are a friendly kind face to them and sounds like your co-workers are nice too. Maybe you are in the right place after all.
We had a pub and the early morning people would come in for "the cure".
My mother was very kind to them and would give them tea and talk to them. They never objected. Just thinking, maybe Al Anon would be good for you. The 3 Cs etc.
I do think that these people are in a very sad cycle of addiction. It is not a choice per se.
They may or may not get the desire to stop and seek help. It is not like deciding to eat too many rice crispies. Oh, if it were that simple. Keep yourself tuned and you can keep working there. In this economic climate, a steady job that you like is a good thing.

Funny you should mention that....i had a job a few years ago at the Humane Society. I would cuddle and play with the cats, kittens, dogs, and puppies, and then end up putting a bunch of them to sleep:( Now that was the hardest job ever!

Kinda odd i now have almost the same fate at this job, except i dont stab the animals in the heart with drugs anymore, I just sell the booze that could eventually kill the people.


Hmmmm....i must be the grim reaper or something.

I agree that you might find tools at Al anon to help you find peace of mind.

I noticed when I was in the casinos in Las Vegas that there were signs everywhere that said something like, "Think you might have a gambling problem? Call 1-800-XXX-XXXX" It would be nice if liquor stores had signs or AA brochures next to the registers, wouldn't it?

Thats a great idea....I bet there is a way to implement it somehow....i'm gonna talk to my boss about it:)

Sooooo, i got a new job. Only thing is, its still at a liquor store. The new job is at the government run liquor store. It means alot more money, better hours, benefits, and respect (if you have a government job here you definitely get respect). But i'll be seeing alot of my regulars there too. It's right across from the privately owned liquor store i work at now. I'm keeping that job too tho, cause i love the people i work with and cant bear parting with them.

I'm definitely gonna need to make time for alanon tho. I havent gone yet cause i've been so busy, but working with booze makes me think of the XABF lots. Doesn't help that i havent been able to detach yet:(

OK you...
 

...I've been reading your posts for awhile, and I really like you. So, dang it, get to an Al-Anon meeting and stop making excuses! :tapping

Christ, do you have an issue with being happier? Get to a meeting! There is no should, there is no try, there is only do, or do not! A puppet said that. A really wise puppet.

Cyranoak

Perhaps when guilt comes, remember the other people that go get red wine for the health benefits and are NOT alcoholics, and the ones who get white wine for fish recipes, or kalhua to prepare a cake, or whiskey as an astringent for the face-I actually intend to use a jack daniels for that, given it has been over a year and I haven't felt like drinking it, or anything else really that is used for a cocktail or celebration for social happy ocassions like graduations, birthdays and stuff and where no alcoholism or madness is involved.... its like someone else selling knives, not because someone may use it for bad, the responsibility will be in the one selling them......

Also if alcoholics didn't get alcohol at your store then they would get it anywhere else.
Dettaching from XABFs is very difficult but I got faith we can do it.

This is a great idea. In the USA, tobacco companies are forced to pay for anti-smoking ads. I'd love to see liquor companies do something similar. In the meantime, any private business should be able to voluntarily post these types of posters and/or provide AA brochures.

yeh thats a tough one,i feel that if it was me then it would trigger me and it make me feel the same way i did when with xabf.

But if you love your job and wouldnt like to leave then just keep telling yourself there is nothing you can do for these people untill they decide for themselves,theyl just get it elsewhere after all.

XX

Thank you:) If you have been reading all my posts you can probably tell how nutty i am, lol.

And you're so right, i gotta quit making excuses. I wanna be happy. Maybe im just so used to being miserable....time to get out of that rut:)

Thursday, I PROMISE! I have that night off work

Thats a GREAT way to look at it:) Alcohol doesnt have to be evil:)

Bosker, you would be fantastic in social services, healthcare type work. You are interacting in a kind way with these people. I have much compassion for what you have to see in your work and I'm sorry.

I don't think AA can have brochures in businesses. Seems like there is some tradition or principle about not advertising or promoting. I don't think they would ethically allow them but it does seem like a nice idea. Maybe someone will with administrative AA experience will post.

I'm actually thinking of taking a social work course due to what i've been dealing with:)

Oh and i made it to an alanon meeting tonight finally. Not too sure if it's really for me. It's sure a whole lot of talk about god, and i'm not all that religious. I felt incredibly out of place. I knew there would be talk about a higher power and such but thats what it all seemed to be about. Kinda discouraged about going to another meeting.