I'm tired but need to fight.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Manchester UK
Posts: 1,017
I'm tired but need to fight.
I'm worn out from working full time and looking after the kids, worrying about my mum and dad and trying to sort the probate out on my brothers estate.
The estate stuff has been going on for almost two years now, it's a long and complicated story, but my cousin offered to take it on for us, he's (or was) a partner in a solicitors and he was doing it at a fixed rate at his insistence, not ours, we'd have paid full price. For some reason he's left the firm, set up his own company and never even contacted us to say sorry, I don't work for the old firm any more can't say more but ya know, sorry.
His partner had all the locks changed at the offices and is persuing high court proceedings against my cousin. I don't know what's gone on and I don't want to know, all I know is my cousin did very little work on the probate stuff.
I do know all the money that should be there is there and things are being worked on now by a very nice lady who does bother to keep me informed.
My cousin is history.
The house is sold now, subject to contract, hopefully everything will go through OK and that will be one less thing to worry about. I live close to it, so I'm always the one to go and put the heating on, check for post, keep the garden tidy etc. Nutty aunt who has a half trust in it for Joe goes there about once a month and puts useless air fresheners in the rooms! She thinks she's doing her bit, but to be honest I just wish she'd stop bothering!
She's also causing some problems again with Joe.
He's a 13 year old boy, he has friends, a life, interests, all the stuff a 13 year old has, as well as his issues that he's dealing with very well (or was!)
The nutty aunt keeps on telling him to ask me if he can go to stay for the weekend, every weekend she's on at him.
She seems to have some issues herself with honesty and openness. I don't understand why she can't ask me herself, but anyway.
She put Joe in a really bad position, he doesn't want to upset his friends, me or her, and she really must know this, but she tells him how his Nan is old and how he should really go to see her because she wont be here for ever!
She tells him that before his mum died her last wish was that Joe should go to live with her, but yet she did nothing about that, knew that I did and never challenged it.
She manipulates and emotionally abuses Joe so much that I now find it difficult to speak civilly to her when I need to, up to now I have managed to keep my head and not blow up at her.
I saw my solicitor a week or so ago and we agreed that I wasn't going to allow Joe to go to stay with them for a few weeks. I spoke to Joe about it, with my aunt for support and so Joe got the message that it wasn't just me. We explained why he wasn't going and that it wasn't for ever, just until grown up things had been sorted out. He was quite happy with that.
This weekend we were all going out, and Nutty aunt phoned to tell me that she had some things for Joe, so I told her to leave them at my bro's house. When I went to collect them, there is about £100 worth of clothes, a whole cake, a huge bag of chocolate (she knows Joe had food issues) and cash for him, (I've asked her repeatedly not to give him too much cash, she left £60, because he will spend the lot on junk food and sweets) along with a letter, telling him that she has been asking me to let him go to hers for two months (not true!) but he hasn't been allowed, so now she is going to take me to court. The letter wasn't sealed so I'm thinking I was supposed to see it. If it had been sealed I probaly would have opened and read it anyway before deciding if Joe should have it.
I spoke to my solicitor again and we decided that it's probably best if she does try to take me to court, I don't think she would get half the contact she usually gets if it's court ordered, and I have no problem with contact anyway, it's the other issues we're hoping will come out in court, like manipulation, and the way she disregards everything I say.
My solicitor is sending a sort of 'we believe you intend to take this to court, if this is the case please let us have your appliation as soon as possible' letter. I hope this time she does, she's threatend it so many times in the past then bottled out. She will lose big time, I have records going back to before my brother died, all the stuff she's done, even way back to her phoning me to say my bro had just picked Joe up from her house, and she let him go in the car even though she knew my brother had been drinking.
I will use everything I can against her, she is poison to Joe, I would like to see him have some contact, but I will do everything in my power to stop it being overnight and unsupervised.
I always said I would never fight over Joe, but I will do my best to fight FOR him.
I'm sorry this is so long, just getting stuff off my chest, thank you for reading so far.
The estate stuff has been going on for almost two years now, it's a long and complicated story, but my cousin offered to take it on for us, he's (or was) a partner in a solicitors and he was doing it at a fixed rate at his insistence, not ours, we'd have paid full price. For some reason he's left the firm, set up his own company and never even contacted us to say sorry, I don't work for the old firm any more can't say more but ya know, sorry.
His partner had all the locks changed at the offices and is persuing high court proceedings against my cousin. I don't know what's gone on and I don't want to know, all I know is my cousin did very little work on the probate stuff.
I do know all the money that should be there is there and things are being worked on now by a very nice lady who does bother to keep me informed.
My cousin is history.
The house is sold now, subject to contract, hopefully everything will go through OK and that will be one less thing to worry about. I live close to it, so I'm always the one to go and put the heating on, check for post, keep the garden tidy etc. Nutty aunt who has a half trust in it for Joe goes there about once a month and puts useless air fresheners in the rooms! She thinks she's doing her bit, but to be honest I just wish she'd stop bothering!
She's also causing some problems again with Joe.
He's a 13 year old boy, he has friends, a life, interests, all the stuff a 13 year old has, as well as his issues that he's dealing with very well (or was!)
The nutty aunt keeps on telling him to ask me if he can go to stay for the weekend, every weekend she's on at him.
She seems to have some issues herself with honesty and openness. I don't understand why she can't ask me herself, but anyway.
She put Joe in a really bad position, he doesn't want to upset his friends, me or her, and she really must know this, but she tells him how his Nan is old and how he should really go to see her because she wont be here for ever!
She tells him that before his mum died her last wish was that Joe should go to live with her, but yet she did nothing about that, knew that I did and never challenged it.
She manipulates and emotionally abuses Joe so much that I now find it difficult to speak civilly to her when I need to, up to now I have managed to keep my head and not blow up at her.
I saw my solicitor a week or so ago and we agreed that I wasn't going to allow Joe to go to stay with them for a few weeks. I spoke to Joe about it, with my aunt for support and so Joe got the message that it wasn't just me. We explained why he wasn't going and that it wasn't for ever, just until grown up things had been sorted out. He was quite happy with that.
This weekend we were all going out, and Nutty aunt phoned to tell me that she had some things for Joe, so I told her to leave them at my bro's house. When I went to collect them, there is about £100 worth of clothes, a whole cake, a huge bag of chocolate (she knows Joe had food issues) and cash for him, (I've asked her repeatedly not to give him too much cash, she left £60, because he will spend the lot on junk food and sweets) along with a letter, telling him that she has been asking me to let him go to hers for two months (not true!) but he hasn't been allowed, so now she is going to take me to court. The letter wasn't sealed so I'm thinking I was supposed to see it. If it had been sealed I probaly would have opened and read it anyway before deciding if Joe should have it.
I spoke to my solicitor again and we decided that it's probably best if she does try to take me to court, I don't think she would get half the contact she usually gets if it's court ordered, and I have no problem with contact anyway, it's the other issues we're hoping will come out in court, like manipulation, and the way she disregards everything I say.
My solicitor is sending a sort of 'we believe you intend to take this to court, if this is the case please let us have your appliation as soon as possible' letter. I hope this time she does, she's threatend it so many times in the past then bottled out. She will lose big time, I have records going back to before my brother died, all the stuff she's done, even way back to her phoning me to say my bro had just picked Joe up from her house, and she let him go in the car even though she knew my brother had been drinking.
I will use everything I can against her, she is poison to Joe, I would like to see him have some contact, but I will do everything in my power to stop it being overnight and unsupervised.
I always said I would never fight over Joe, but I will do my best to fight FOR him.
I'm sorry this is so long, just getting stuff off my chest, thank you for reading so far.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Manchester UK
Posts: 1,017
I hope it is Still Waters, maybe she just needs someone else to tell her to back off, I don't know. I don't even know what her problem really is. I just know she always puts her own feelings before Joes.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Oh ((((Lucy)))) I'm sorry. You are right to speak to your attorney. He sounds like he has things under control. Perhaps she'll back off once she receives the letter from him.....she might be all bark and no bite.
I'll hope and pray for the best!
Hugs, HG
I'll hope and pray for the best!
Hugs, HG
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Lucy))) - I, too, hope that calling her bluff will stop the manipulation. When my family was fighting for custody of my niece, her other grandparents were slinging all kinds of mud. To this day, we don't know what is in their "record" but they were told if they continued, ALL their secrets would be public knowledge...they backed off.
I'm really glad ((Joe)) has you in his corner
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
I'm really glad ((Joe)) has you in his corner
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 545
(((Lucy)))
Wouldn't it be lovely if all people really did put kids first, like they say they do? You are doing such a marvelous job with Joe and I am sure any court will see that. Unfortunately, I think that contact with family is encouraged in cases like Joe's unless it is seriously abusive. I can see from your posts the clear manipulation and emotional abuse, however a judge may not take quite that view. Joe, of course, is of an age where he gets to have a say, although that is such a big burden for a kid who has gone through so much already. I have a hunch, though, that she won't go to court. She doesn't have a track record of joined-up thinking, does she? Is she financially motivated, do you think?
Does Joe have a social worker involved? Are they doing anything to advocate for him? Also, do you ever look at Mumsnet? There are a lot of members on there with extensive experience with contact orders etc.
Hang in there.
Wouldn't it be lovely if all people really did put kids first, like they say they do? You are doing such a marvelous job with Joe and I am sure any court will see that. Unfortunately, I think that contact with family is encouraged in cases like Joe's unless it is seriously abusive. I can see from your posts the clear manipulation and emotional abuse, however a judge may not take quite that view. Joe, of course, is of an age where he gets to have a say, although that is such a big burden for a kid who has gone through so much already. I have a hunch, though, that she won't go to court. She doesn't have a track record of joined-up thinking, does she? Is she financially motivated, do you think?
Does Joe have a social worker involved? Are they doing anything to advocate for him? Also, do you ever look at Mumsnet? There are a lot of members on there with extensive experience with contact orders etc.
Hang in there.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
