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Admitting defeat and saving myself

Old 11-04-2010, 11:08 AM
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I'm as bad as I want to be...
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Admitting defeat and saving myself

(excuse my formatting and some slight errors I use my phone to type and can't change the errors or syntax after typing)

As some if you know I recently went to lynch with my ex . Lunch turned into a second chance and me agreeing to go to counseling to work on our issues since we have a daughter.
I found him shut in his apartment with the phone off and no food for four days . I decided to at least bring him food over .
He locked my daughter and I in the apartment and accused me of being on drugs and also slipping drugs into the dinner and his water.
He wouldn't let me leave with my daughter and said I had to leave her with him. Considering he was acting insane and didn't have any babyclothes, food or sanity I refusedto leave without her . I sat for four hours holding her and scared he was going to hurt me. Then all if a sudden he starts laughing and asks me if I am hungry and starts eating like none if it even happened.
I had to run out of his place and cannever go back, he stood over me for those two hours staring with his hands in fists and huffing and sneering .
I think this was the event that showed me he is beyond just an anger problem and beyond counseling. I am afraid of him as my Childs father and what that means .
I see that he is mentally disturbed in a way I didn't think possible.
I know I am doing the best thing raising my daughter without him now. She clung to him and didn't want him to let her go when we first got there . Then when he started screaming she ran to me.
In my heart I know that as a mother I must protect my daughter and can no longer put her in danger .
I don't know why it took this night to scare me into the truth . There will only be my daughter and me. He will most likely get worse and never get help .
There is no pretending or ignoring the danger he poses to me and my child.
I am comfortable with my new life , my daughter has healthy food, a nicebedtime and no fear and ugliness in her life .
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Old 11-04-2010, 11:24 AM
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Austinchica,

What a terrifying time! Oh my god, yes, he has some very serious mental health issues.
Are you safe?
Would you be willing to press charges?
Please never interact with him alone again, ever.
Get some help for you and your daughter.
Do not minimize this because he let you go this time, he may just be building up another head of steam to really hurt you.
wow, i am worried for you.

Beth
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Old 11-04-2010, 11:38 AM
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I'm as bad as I want to be...
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What could I press charges for? I'm curious to know . I just sat there and didn't move since if I tried to leave with her I know he would have hurt me . I will never let him have her alone or be alone with him again.
He called me after I left and all he said was that he really wanted to take me on a date and go to counseling for my birthday . I feel so bad for him but can't fix whatever is wrong with him.
I was just angry at him for not paying child support or showing up for visitation. Now I don't care I just want him to take care of himself and I know now he will never be able to be stable for his daughter. It was incredibly sad to understand this but it also gives me the freedom not to have to consider him as a potential good dad or potential good husband. These things are beyond what he is able to do. Why did it take such a horrible night for me to see that he is so unstable?
How could I have a child with someone who is so unstable ?
Thank god I have family and friends.
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Old 11-04-2010, 11:59 AM
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If I were you, I'd call the local police department and ask what can be done in your situation. Just talk to an office. To me, there's a direct threat of physical violence in your situation. You came to see him with your BABY, he ranted about you being on drugs, acted threatening and prevented you from leaving. Sounds like a police report to me.

PLEASE report this incident. If it isn't the first, it won't be the last. If you're ever going to build a case against this man, you need a documented papertrail of events. Talking to the police may not do anything more than having them call him and recommend that he cool his heels.

In the meantime...get full custody of your child and keep her away from that man.
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Old 11-04-2010, 12:06 PM
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i agree with noday. call the police station and tell them what happened.

i am not an expert, but if he would not let you leave, that could be considered kidnapping, holding you prisoner by the threat of violence against you or your baby.
two hours of his hands fisted up, obviously angry (huffing and sneering).
if you really do not know what he did that could be considered criminal, then please call a domestic violence hotline and ask them.
i do understand how it can seem "not that bad".
i have been there.

Beth
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Old 11-04-2010, 12:11 PM
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Oh where to begin with all the things he could be charged with.....
*False imprisonment
*Terroristic threatening
*Wanton endangerment
I could go on, but I hope and pray that you get the picture and will call the police IMMEDIATELY IF NOT SOONER!
Please consider filing a protective order against him to keep him as far away from you and your precious child as humanly possible!

I hope that you are both OK and have some relative peace now. Stay safe, be careful, please consider the protective order if not for yourself but for your child.

Huge hug, HG
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Old 11-04-2010, 01:10 PM
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I didn't mean to say that it wasn't that bad , I just didn't know what I could do after the fact and since he didn't touch me . I will file a police report and I am definitely not going back there or letting him be near my daughter .
In my earlier posts I felt like he had been working with a sponsor for four months and going to aa and had not been using , he also set up a counseling session to work on how he treats me . I went out of curiosity and still with hope that he had gotten better but I have never seen him change from laughing to accusing me of drugging him and then to laughing .
Beyond a recovery issue.
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Old 11-04-2010, 01:16 PM
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Assault does not require physical touch. Battery does.

Definitely see the police, would encourage a DV counselor, as well. A protective order is only as good as his law-abiding-ness, so use with your best judgement. You know him better than just about anyone, but he sounds scarily unpredictable.

Take care of yourself.

"Beyond a recovery issue." Yep, no question.
How terrifying! I'm glad you and your little one are ok.
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Old 11-04-2010, 03:22 PM
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He could be charged with false imprisonment. If you felt threatened/thought that he would harm you if you tried to leave--that is still false imprisonment. False imprisonment does not require physical constraint.

I would call the police if you feel threatened. At least the report is there IF anything else may happen. A pattern has developed.

He does not sound mentally stable. Do you have family or friends you can stay with until this is resolved. Some place you and your daughter feel safe?

Do not beat yourself up for having a child with someone who is not mentally sound. We all do things that we regret later. You recognized that he is not someone you should ever be around--that is what is important.

Also, please call a domestic violence agency. Don't minimalize what happened. Just because you were not physically restrained does not mean he did not abuse you and your child. They can help you.

Please, please call the police and domestic violence. They can help you.

Take care of yourself and your daughter. Keep posting and let us know how you are.
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Old 11-04-2010, 03:41 PM
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now you know...never put yourself in that place again...and never leave your daughter alone....

HE is a very sick sick man...
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Old 11-04-2010, 04:05 PM
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I agree with the other posters that you should file a police report. It is going to be important in the future that the way he acts and the things he does be documented. Please read NoDay's and other posts about child custody issues for more insight as to why this is necessary.
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Old 11-04-2010, 08:41 PM
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What happened to you is sufficient to get an Order of Protection against your H. Please go to your local courts (there's usually a domestic division) and apply for an emergency OP immediately. It will protect you and leave a paper trail to help you with custody later.
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