CoffeeLover

After a major binge this weekend my AH decided that he needed Rehab treatment and couldn't fight this on his own anymore. We spent nearly two days trying to figure out where was the best place for him. My AH was so scared and depressed and kept being turned at places for various reasons (no beds, you have insurance and can go somewhere better, etc...). This was very discouraging to us. Then finally we found a great place and one that was recommended by many in his AA group. We had an appointment for admission for today at Noon, so we drove the hour and half. We went through admissions for close to 3 hours. They finally told me that he was admitted and that I could leave. The drive home was very emotional. I was scared and sad, but at the sametime there was a bit of relief. Shortly after i get home I get a call from AH and he informs me that he can't stay. He is of course devastated and I am devastated. I had to fill out lots and lots of paperwork that basically told my side of the story regarding AH. I basically wrote a book and at some point I mentioned that AH has low self esteem issues and gave a few examples. One of the examples was that he suffered in the past with an eating disorder. So anyways...they claim they don't treat co-occuring disorders and therefore can't keep him. I explain that this eating disorder is no longer of concern and has been years since it happened. He stopped this on his own and never required any medical intervention. Therefore, how could this be considered a co-occuring disorder??? The nurse was going to re-discuss this with the medical director and call me back so I am still waiting.

I can't possibly imagine having to go pick him up. AH will absolutely be crushed, discouraged, and I am scared as to what this will lead to. Also, it doesn't help that the nurse told me that they recommended a rehab in Mississippi (we live in NC). How can there not be any place in NC that can treat him?

Pelican

I'm so sorry!

It sounds like an exhausting process and a very long day.

Please take some deep breaths.
You are not in control of the outcome. Let the professionals do their evaluations.

(((CoffeeLover)))

Keep us posted on how YOU are doing. We care about YOU!

Spirit08

Co-Disorder apparently means that his eating disorder is in remission. You did the right thing by being honest. Now he can get ALL the help that he needs.

CoffeeLover

Thanks Pelican! I will admit that I am not doing well at all. My nerves are so shot that I have literally been shaking all night. I can't sleep, but yet am exhausted. My kids are upset and want my undivided attention and I feel like I am not there for them right now. I am stressed about missing work and how I am going to make ends meet. I really just need some help and feel like I am all alone right now. Thankfully, my Dad is coming into town late tonight, so at least I will have support soon. He will be able to help with the kids and that is most important to me.

Freedom1990

I'm glad your dad is coming to help you!

We are here for you.

I know God is there for you.

:ghug3

Kindeyes

Coffeelover
That sounds like such a stressful situation. It frustrates me when people need help and they keep running into brick walls. I'm glad that your Dad is going to be there to help you and provide you some loving support.

You'll here us say all the time that we take it "one day at a time". Well sometimes, we take it one hour at a time, or even one minute at a time........breathe and try to do something that will soothe your nerves for just a litte while (a nice hot bath perhaps?).

Take care of you.

gentle hugs

Seren

I'm so sorry! I hope that you will be able to get some rest soon....

Hugs and prayers, HG

TatliGuzelim

I hear the disapointment in your post. Think positive thoughts.....you never know.

Babyblue

Very stressful situation. Like kindeyes said, take it an hour at a time. Wait for the story to unfold so try not to stress until you know for certain they won't take him. Maybe keep advocating for him to be checked in. Call up the chain of command at the rehab place if you have to.

transformyself

I hope you got some sleep and things are looking a bit brighter this morning.

naive

dear coffeelover-

all is not lost, even if this particular place won't keep him. he has admitted a problem. he has begun the first steps to getting help. if he has to return, he can begin by going to AA locally until he finds a program that will accept him.

i hear the exhaustion in your post. i'm glad your father is on his way.

hang in there!

naive

Freedom1990

Checking on you this morning, CoffeeLover!

CoffeeLover

I got a little sleep last night but not much. I never got the call from the treatment center last night as they had promised. I did call them this morning and they still needed to have the Medical Director review his case and that won't be until around Noon today. My stomach is in knots waiting for them to call me.

If I have to go pick him up today I am really at a loss as to how to find a place that will take him.

Buffalo66

I am sorry. My As road to a facility was rife with red tape. He finally made his way in, and it was really full. We even thought that they had discharged him prematurely due to demand, but they claimed he completed the program.

It is so hard, and I am so sorry. It sucks when they want to get help, and it is a hoop jumping practice.

Cyranoak

...my thoughts are with you and your husband.

Cyranoak

Pelican

I just re-read your posts.

Your background is:
Mother to two, ages 6 and 3
Wife to a relapsed alcoholic. AH has a history of DUI.
Full-time employee.
right?

Have you accepted the three C's of your husbands alcoholism?:
You did not Cause this
You can not Control this
You will not Cure this

This is his addiction. This is also his recovery. He is an adult and can find his own transportation and rehab facility.

I know that is harsh, but you have two young children at home. They can not feed, clothe, nurture themselves. They need a sober responsible adult to take care of them.

Please give your AH to your HP.

I focused so much on my AH and trying to prevent the next incident, that I lost focus on myself and my children. I was as addicted to him and his behavior as he was to alcohol. My children were learning to follow my actions: walk on eggshells while accepting unacceptable behavior.

I had to admit I was powerless over alcohol and my life had become unmanageable.

wicked

Thank you Pelican.
Yes, he is a grown man with a problem.
Please give him the dignity of taking care of his problem.
Beth

CoffeeLover

Pelican~ Thanks for your post. You did summarize my background corrrectly. I do know that I didn't cause his alcoholism and I know that I can't control his alcoholism. I guess my week point is that I still try to cure or help him find a cure for his alcoholism. I know that I need to let him figure this out for himself. I also know that if he can do this all on his own then this will go a long way for rebuilding his self esteem / self image. I do want to start focusing on myself and my children. It would just be easier if I knew that AH was on the right path.

I did finally get a call from the treatment center that he is currently at. After spending a bit of time with the medical staff and medical director they have determined that he should not remain at their facility. They do feel that he has a co-occuring disorder that needs to be treated simultaneously, even though it is not an current issue. They are keeping him there until Monday b/c they do feel that he needs Detox. They are also trying to find a place for him to go come Monday b/c they do know that he needs to go directly to another treatment center. It is just amazing to me that there are not many places that treat co-occuring disorders. We live in NC and they mentioned one place in NC, one in Tennessee and one in Mississippi that they were looking into to. I would think that dual diagnosis would be much more common among alcoholics. I am glad that they are working on lining something up for him, but my concern is the financial piece and they seem to be leaving that out of the equation.

I didn't get that warm bath last night, but I am going to try to make that happen tonight.

naive

hi coffeelover-

that's some good advice from pelican.

and that's also good news that they are keeping him until monday to detox him. that means 4 days on your own!

if you hand him and his recovery over to your HP, then you've got a 4 day holiday on your hands.

Pelican

I hope you are able to get that bath tonight too!