to whom it may concern
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: michigan city in
Posts: 4
5 30 am cant sleep, my thoughts are only on my daughter, i did go to the video hearing, it was obvious to me that she does not get it, and maybe i dont eather, because when they asked her if she needed a public defender she said NO, r u kidding, i cant afford anymore of this, they are only going to charge her with misdaminers for now, but i have made the deciscion to let her sit until they realease her on her own, which i guess they will in a couple weeks , in the mean time i am going to alanon, also glued to this group and am searching for a long term rehab that will take her without insurance because i cant aford some lyndsey lohan treatment center which i know she would go to that,
i did get a call that i answered which she was desperate, makeing promises, and said she was getting beat up , all kinds of stuff, i went to the jail and talked to them, they were very nice and said no way, lots of cameras, and they promised to watch her for me, i am going to a alanon meeting this morning, and am shutting my phone off! those calls are 10 dollars just to answer, u all have been such a blessing, just to here your situations, and what u have gone threw and going threw gives me strength,
i wish sometimes, no lots of times, i had never had kids, is that horrible? thank u all.
i did get a call that i answered which she was desperate, makeing promises, and said she was getting beat up , all kinds of stuff, i went to the jail and talked to them, they were very nice and said no way, lots of cameras, and they promised to watch her for me, i am going to a alanon meeting this morning, and am shutting my phone off! those calls are 10 dollars just to answer, u all have been such a blessing, just to here your situations, and what u have gone threw and going threw gives me strength,
i wish sometimes, no lots of times, i had never had kids, is that horrible? thank u all.
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Land of Cotton
Posts: 3,433
Hi LynnMarie - Bless your heart 
I am the mother of an addict and have had to make difficult choices, too, but my son only went to jail for about 24 hours. (He actually got some wisdom from that experience, talking to other drunks, and said it "wasn't that bad".) Believe it or not, some mothers PRAY that their child will get arrested so that they will be safe, learn something, and hopefully hit their bottom before they die from their disease.
I also realize, because I have been there, that allowing her to experience the consequences on her own (i.e., pain!) is the most counter-intuitive thing you have ever done and it hurts like hell. You are full of self-doubt as every fiber in your being wants to RUN down to that jail and get her out of there. You may even be getting criticism from family members or friends that make you feel like a "bad mother". But thankfully you have SR and I hope you're attending Al-anon or some other parent support group.
You are absolutely doing the right thing. I don't suggest you take her calls, but if you must, be prepared for the most creative, dramatic manipulative tactics you have ever heard EVER! So...it's really just easiest not to take the calls...serving a dual purpose.
God, I know how hard this is. I'm so sorry you are going thru this.
I am the mother of an addict and have had to make difficult choices, too, but my son only went to jail for about 24 hours. (He actually got some wisdom from that experience, talking to other drunks, and said it "wasn't that bad".) Believe it or not, some mothers PRAY that their child will get arrested so that they will be safe, learn something, and hopefully hit their bottom before they die from their disease. I also realize, because I have been there, that allowing her to experience the consequences on her own (i.e., pain!) is the most counter-intuitive thing you have ever done and it hurts like hell. You are full of self-doubt as every fiber in your being wants to RUN down to that jail and get her out of there. You may even be getting criticism from family members or friends that make you feel like a "bad mother". But thankfully you have SR and I hope you're attending Al-anon or some other parent support group.
You are absolutely doing the right thing. I don't suggest you take her calls, but if you must, be prepared for the most creative, dramatic manipulative tactics you have ever heard EVER! So...it's really just easiest not to take the calls...serving a dual purpose.
God, I know how hard this is. I'm so sorry you are going thru this.
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Land of Cotton
Posts: 3,433
Oh, and don't worry about the feeling "I wish I had never had kids".... you are SO not alone there!! My best friend and I say that ALL the time!!! We dream of what our lives would be like now if we had had our tubes tied at the age of 18! LOL I'd be on that beach in Maui I dreamed about last night. I'd have way fewer gray hairs! I'd be skinny, dammit!! But noooooooooo....!!! Hey, I even asked my doctor at the age of 25 to tie my tubes and he wouldn't do it! I should sue the hell out of him and send him all these psychiatrist bills I've got to pay!
No, you are definitely not alone with those feelings, my dear. :ghug3
No, you are definitely not alone with those feelings, my dear. :ghug3
Being Silent so I can Hear
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 2,521
Why would she deny she needed a public defender? Does she have an attorney?
I would imagine prison isn't pleasant. I haven't been there, so I can't say. But I would guess that an unpleasant experience might encourage her to not repeat the actions that got her put there?
I would imagine prison isn't pleasant. I haven't been there, so I can't say. But I would guess that an unpleasant experience might encourage her to not repeat the actions that got her put there?
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Minneapolis, MN
Posts: 139
Yes, I am going through it right now, with you, for the first time. It sucks. I couldn't reach my AS for 3 days so I called the police, I was sure he was dead. He blew .33 and is now in jail. I used to work in that jail. I had to call to tell them he would be going through a horrible detox.
I'm not getting him out. In fact I'm talking to social services to have him committed as a danger to himself when he gets out. He has court Mon. am.
This is one of the hardest things I've ever had to do, and I've been through a lot of crap in my life.
I've been lurking here for quite awhile, have read all the stickies, had AF, AB, who are both dead now. I know alot about the disease, more than I ever wanted to learn. But it really doesn't make it easier to be the mom.
I don't have any advice for you, but wanted to let you know I know just what you're going through, and send big hugs and lots of strength to you!
We will get through this.
Hugs,
FGB
I'm not getting him out. In fact I'm talking to social services to have him committed as a danger to himself when he gets out. He has court Mon. am.
This is one of the hardest things I've ever had to do, and I've been through a lot of crap in my life.
I've been lurking here for quite awhile, have read all the stickies, had AF, AB, who are both dead now. I know alot about the disease, more than I ever wanted to learn. But it really doesn't make it easier to be the mom.
I don't have any advice for you, but wanted to let you know I know just what you're going through, and send big hugs and lots of strength to you!
We will get through this.
Hugs,
FGB
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