PurpleWilder

I really care about you [as long as you are doing exactly what I want you to and it benefits me]

I am a good parent [as long as you are around to mitigate the consequences of my actions and I don't actually have to change my behavior]

You never gave it a chance [you called me on my ********]

You exaggerate everthing; you are such a martyr [because it so much better to blind yourself to pain with drugs and alcohol, and leave others to clean up the mess]

How are you [not that I really care, but it is a opening for me to dump my day's stress on you and then pretend that I actually care when you tell me about your day. I only care when you can help make my life easier - I really have no intent of helping you with yours]


More translations to follow - feel free to add to them.

I'm in a really bad frickin' mood today.

cinnamngirl

hey squirrel sorry you're in a bad mood today..you reminded me of something - i once did a few translations (what he says - what it really means) and put them up on our living room wall. they were actually quite funny though, eg.
"i think i'm going to go for a walk, it's such lovely weather" = "i'm going to the pub, don't know when i'm back, don't wait up for me"
or
"i'm gonna meet x for a couple of swift ones" = "i'm gonna meet x and we'll get absolutely hammered, don't expect me back before 2am"

celticghirl

I promise im gonna change (please stick by me while im stuck in prison then when i get out im gonna go mental)

I love you more than anything,even my mum... (please can we drink tonight)

Blah blah il try and think of some more and il be back with a list as long as my arm,my mums arm,and everbodys arm in the family!! (i have a big family)

naive

oh, purple squirrel, don't get me started !!

i'm going home now = i will pretend i am going home and as soon as you leave, i will return to the bar and drink all night long.

i lost my mobile phone = i have a lover who may call me on that phone.

there's nothing in £50. living is expensive. = there's plenty in £50! let's see...16 pints for me!

i'll pay the rent today = hell no! if i pay the rent then i can't buy more drink!

i think i have the flu = i actually believe that this hangover is the flu.

i have a cough = great! the doctor will give me a prescription. now i can top up my alcohol with some codeine.

i'm having problems sleeping = <same as above but with sleeping pills>

i'm not drinking today = at least not until the pubs open at 11am.

i'm working all day = i'll kick off work around 1 and then go for some drinks.

i just arrived at the pub, wanna come down? = i've been here for hours already. better call her now that i'm just about ready to go home. i need some lovin.

PurpleWilder

Can you follow me home from work? I don't think I'll make it with the gas I have [I spent the money I had on **** I didn't need/I forgot to see that I can't get a check cashed on Sunday even though I am a fully functional human above the age of 5 and can therefore read a calendar]

Can you hold my debit card for me? I am having trouble [see above plus can't stop going to the ATM to get money for beer therefore leaving me with no money for--ya know--optional things like food and toilet paper and gas and stuff]

Can I borrow $$? [both of the above plus I already hawked everything I had of value]

And here's a really raw one - not safe for work, readers-----

Let's go to bed together/That was great sex, honey [as long as I get my needs met that should be enough for you. My satisfaction should be yours as well.]

HoopNinja

OK that last one made me laugh (but so true).

You have ruined our family (I refuse to accept the fact that my behavior really left you with no other chance than leaving to protect yourself and the kids.)

You're evil (I hate it when you are right and can't think of anything else to say)

I NEVER have more than 2 drinks. What is your problem? (So what if each drink has 4 shots of vodka in it--it's still only 2 drinks)

I get high because it relaxes me. (I do not want to face the reality of my life and it is easier to just zone out).

I give you plenty of money in child support. You spend it on yourself anyway, not the kids. (I don't want to get off my sorry a** and get a job so you can just go out and get a 2nd job to pay for everything. Besides I am mad as he!! because I cannot sponge off you anymore!)

PurpleWilder

You need to get a regular day job [You working nights interferes with my ability to go out and get hammered and try to get laid]

I just want to get my guitar out of hawk so I can go back out and play gigs [I want a legitimate reason to go out and spend all my time at bars getting my drinks comped and hoping someone will think I am hot]

My biggest mistake during the divorce was that I didn't hold out for full custody [I'm sorry I didn't take advantage of a chance to try and make you look like a bad mom in front of the court and then I also wouldn't have to pay child support]

HoopNinja

Ah, another budding musician who makes no money but always has enough to buy drink and dope. Hey but one of these days--he's gonna make it big!! Just you watch and then you will want to come crawling back to him :rotfxko

I used to hear about the bar flies that hung around xah and all I thought was-Oh good, now he will quit bugging me. They can do the drunk dance together.

wicked

Okay, if I give you child support this week, I wont be able to get my tools out of the pawn shop to make money to pay you child support.

Until friday, when he buys a six pack and that leads to another crack binge and more tool pawnig.

Glad that is done for me.
hehehehehe

he owes me $35,000 dollars, I am going to try and get his SS money he has applied for.
teehee.

Starlynn

You haven't been around so you don't know how I have been doing. (I am not drinking any less but will certainly try to get you to believe I have cut back.)

The world took a big sh*t on me. (I f*ucked up my life with my drinking but will blame everyone and everything rather than take responsibility for my actions. You should feel sorry for me.)

I have had a lot of extra bills this week, is it ok if I start paying you back next Friday? (I never intend to pay you back, why would I give you money that I could use to buy alcohol??)

And my favorite:
When are you going to work on YOUR issues? (I will do all I can to completely deny the fact that I am an alcoholic and take the focus off myself.)

wicked

Oh yes, Starlynn, definitely recognize all of those for sure.

The world is against me. oh yeah. pfffffft. fool.

Starlynn

Oh I forgot one:

Is it ok if I bring over one small load of laundry? (I am bringing over about ten loads of laundry, spreading it all over your basement floor, using your washer, dryer, laundry detergent and while I am at it I will drink in your basement, hide the bottle and then act like you are crazy when you ask if I am drunk.)

seekingcalm

I need to go to a meeting now. = I want a drink, and since I have to pretend that I am not drinking anymore, I have to go out now and get a drink.

I am going up to sleep. = I am drunk and I had better get out of this room before you figure it out.

fighter1010

i absolutely love these!
how about

"i have to run to town and drop something off at work" = i'll see you in 8 hours when i'm done drinking and sufficiently drunk

"i shouldn't be out too late" = see you at 1:45 am, cuz then it's not quite bar close

"you haven't done anything to change, i have" = i am pretending to have made changes just long enough to get you to doubt yourself

theuncertainty

Of course we can go to ____ this weekend. If I agree to spend time with you and DS later, you will shut up now and let me drink. Of course, I’ll conveniently “forget” or tell you “I didn’t promise” to do that so, no we’re not actually going.

Yes, I’ll get my paycheck this Friday, so we can buy this today, my check will be deposited in time to cover rent. I already spent it on vodka and I’m not going to tell you so you’ll over draw your account or freak out about how to pay the power and heat and then I can ridicule you for your poor budgeting.

Sh-t, DS! You knocked over my water! What the F---! That stuff is expensive. I spent all of our limited grocery money on vodka, which I then call water and hide in a glass on the floor instead of the coffee table so your mom won’t nag me about my drinking. When did you start to crawl/walk, DS?

They [co-workers/boss] think I’m god. I’m getting ready to throw a major sh-t fit at work and will be quitting because they disrespect me.

Of course I’ll work on the car this weekend. God, I only bought the piece of junk to get to you shut up about getting a car, now you expect it to run?! Of course, I’ll conveniently “forget” to work on it or will tell you “I didn’t promise to work on it today” so it will still not be street legal next week, or the week after or next year or…

Just tell me if you when you want to start dating someone else or ever decide you don’t love me any more. I’m already screwing around on you and hope you start dating soon, so I won’t feel guilty any more and can berate you about your lack of fidelity rather than just my insecurity.

I bought DS all new clothes; he has plenty to wear. My GF’s kids outgrew their clothes from last year, so I’ll stick DS in those. Who cares if he’s taller than them and the pants hurt “his privates.” I’m keeping my money for important things, like clothes for me, new bike gear for me, alcohol, maybe a bottle opener for him, oh wait, for me.

fineday69

In a letter to his sons's from jail-

Sorry I haven't been able to see you, everyone else thinks I need to be in rehab or jail..... I didn't do anything wrong, except violate an order of protection

When I get out this time, we can do the things that we used to do without your mom or the cops messing it up It's mom and the police's fault that I got drunk and slapped my thirteen year old son.

Just got that letter yesterday.. unbelievable. Has still not hit bottom.

theuncertainty

Oh, yes. Nearly forgot these gems:

Every one tells me I was sick, but I don't know. I went to rehab only to try to save my job and get my sister and GF off my back. I really don't have a drinking problem.

It was always the hard stuff, the vodka; never beer. I went to rehab only to try to save my job and get my sister and GF off my back. I really don't have a drinking problem. Those multitude of empty or partially empty beers that were all over the house weren't mine (so what if I didn't let any one come over) and besides it really was not a LOT of beer - at least not compared to what I could drink. I can keep drinking beer. And while I'm at it, anything else I want too.

I've made a commitment to not drink. Right now. This particular minute I'm not drinking. I don't have a drinking problem. When you're not watching, I'll have one... or two... or more.

TakingCharge999

I REALLY need to cut back on drinking .. because I for SURE can control how much I drink ( ) and saying this you'll also think it is STILL under my control!

This happened to me, too another ex of mine also got a guy right next after me, your pain is not special. And as others do it all the time then I am fine

You can't depend on someone else to make you happy You are at fault for believing my lies. I hope this glimpse of a logical sentence will make you feel inadequate and ignore how I went from Jekyll to Hyde so I could get my addiction going, and everything I did consciously and unconsciously, to hurt you.

I will drink until my last day of life because I have suffered more than any other earthling could possibly understand, and if I get temporary relief, I won't give a damn about you, or anyone else for that matter. I am God.





From other quackers/common "friends":

XABF+GF are alright, you are the only one feeling bad XABF+GF are drunk as hell to notice anything, you are the only one who is feeling anything as the rest of us are getting high, drunk or laid as we can't live in reality nor can be alone for 1 second.

You STILL feel something towards XABF? If I can't understand what it may be like walking in your shoes, you are by all means defective.

XABF remembers the good and the bad, but he sure does not live in the past His extraordinary Zen philosophy is worth admiration. Oh and you also did bad things, like not sweeping the floor everyday. BTW, I am still YOUR friend too. Come closer so I can show you pictures of XABF and his GF getting drunk with my gf, me and 6 other women, our small harem as we are such wonderful men only one is not enough for us and I really need you to appreciate that.

When Y and I met XABF's GF, we thought: really? did he exchange TC999 for this? Y and I are machos, and in our world, it is impossible for a woman to decide to leave a man. You obviously do not have the ability, guts or power to make such decisions for yourself. Oh- and we buy whatever XABF says.

Do Z, that would be good revenge towards XABF Poor you, he replaced you. Oh- and I also buy whatever XABF says. And I also wouldn't think you ever left HIM. That does not exist in my world either.


Thanks for letting me vent some old resentments. I am so glad I don't hear similar quacking anymore, and have a higher standard for friends.


"Alcoholese".. LOL.

Purple Squirrel, hope you feel better soon. You are hardly alone having heard Alcoholese. I wish they had their own nation in, say, Pluto.

PurpleWilder

Let's go out Saturday night [you call the babysitter, pay for it yourself in full, and then I will take you out for 1 game of free bowling on coupons someone gave me and then back to my place for a cheap movie and some cheap sex]

I didn't used to call you about my day cause you didn't want to hear it [you finally got sick of my recycling my own self-created misery for sympathy and refused to listen to my s**t any more]

My divorce attorney was gonna take you in front of a judge if you didn't start answering our questions [I couldn't buffalo you into giving in to my stupid demands; you should have been scared and I still don't get why you weren't]

Our time together is important to me [until I get my guitar back, or my friend drags me off on another quest to get laid, or someone has free liquor, in which case I have "other plans" - ya know, that kinds that show I am a musical genius, sexual god, and philosophical wonder]

naive

let me tell you about my day = i am so self-absorbed, i don't even notice that you've had a whole day also.

yoga isn't exercise = you are so stupid.

we can't go out tonight. i'm broke = i have money but if i spend any money on you, it means i'll have fewer drinks for myself.

must be hot in here = i'm in total denial that this is last night's beer sweating out of my body.

i feel good today = i'm totally hungover and feel sick. nothing a morning drink won't cure, tho!