celticghirl

right i feel down today and i dont know why.

i am having thoughts of him at times but as soon as i think im missing him i tell myself why i am better without him so im doing better that way.But today i have just felt down and annoyed with myself.

Lately i feel as though i am carrying the shame of exabf's actions!

Has anyone ever felt like that?

I know i am ashamed of myself for sticking with him as long as i did and feel guilty that my family have suffered because i chose to forgive him time and time again,and then i get angry that he would put me through that,then i start feeling sorry for him.

i have a mixture of emotions,i feel better when im at work,and i enjoy the house more when i have been at work but when i get a day off i have all these thoughts and i dont know how to snap out of it.

What would you suggest i do ?

Learn2Live

I would suggest that you do what I did: Begin to understand what a huge part guilt and shame play in the alcoholic relationship and begin to fight it. Become aware of when you are using guilt and shame yourself, either against yourself or against others. And resolve to STOP IT every single time you catch yourself doing it.

I understand your feelings completely. But guilt and/or shame will keep you mired in the bad feelings. What I learned to do was use my THOUGHTS against my FEELINGS. It is about becoming more conscious and aware of what I allow my thoughts to do and taking control of my feelings by controlling how I think and what I allow myself to think.

I also have the habit of just allowing whatever is going to happen to happen and I just go along for the ride. I have been working on trying not to do this. I have to be in control of what I am able to control. I am practicing taking responsibility for my life and being the driver, not the person in the backseat.

Hope something here helps you. You're doing great! Stomp out guilt!

cinnamngirl

this is exactly what i feel right now..so much wasted time..i try to tell myself that something good MUST come out of it, it always does. even if i don't know it yet. even if it's just a lesson learned the hard way.

also i try to focus on my plans and try to picture all the nice things i will do, things i have always wanted to do but haven't done so far because i was just so wrapped up with my ABF and all his drama.

just do something that makes you feel good, could be anything - shopping, going out, cooking, decorating, creative hobbies, listening to your favourite music, get pampered, get a massage, have a bubble bath, talk to a good friend..well that's a few suggestions to begin with..

all the best to you!

missphit

I understand your feelings and can relate to them. I am working really hard to remind myself of the lessons i've learned instead of feeling guilty for "dancing" the alcohol waltz all this time. I really believe that i just wasn't ready and though i go back and forth thinking i should have learned earlier, i wonder how i can expect that of myself when i really didn't have a clue and this entanglement with alcohol has given me a sense of self, even after all this time, that i'm not sure i could have achieved any other way. I am trying to remind myself that being guilty is the sabotage i've lived with all these years and there is not room for it anymore!! you deserve credit for what you know and are learning...be proud of your strength!! i love L2L's post, it is what i needed to hear today...thank you!! I am proud of my ability to finally take control and fighting hard not to feel guilty for taking so darn long to learn!! no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should! i must believe that!