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Old 11-01-2010, 10:52 PM
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Darkness

This was posted by a lovely person over in the alcoholism forum and I just had to share it. I've always felt of addiction as some dark force or spirit invading people. This kind of gave me the chills, let me know what you think...


I AM YOUR ADDICTION:

I hate anyone who claims to have a 'program'. I despise any and all references to a "Higher Power". To all those who come into contact with me - I wish you and your family shame, humiliation, and intense suffering. With your unwitting co-operation, I will bring you hell on earth.

Allow me to introduce myself, I am the ancient disease of addiction. I am rightfully called cunning, baffling and powerful, but this is a gross underestimation of me. I have killed millions of men, women and children in ways that absolutely defy the imagination. Most often I slowly drown your soul before grinding down your wasted body. I gleefully ruin your reputation, self-concept, and self-esteem. I specialize in marital, family and child trauma. I leave them all with fear, anxiety, and troubled dreams. I poison all with calculated efficiency and precision. My commitment to you and your loved ones' degradation and destruction is absolute.

I am the master of disguise and seduction. I mask myself as your lover, your best friend, and your 'ace in the hole'. With great stealth I invade your rationality. I initially seduce you with instant gratification, with a feeling of peace, a feeling of belonging. I pose as being able to help you cope better, relate to others better and even work better. I present myself as need 'fuel' for your creativity, and your social skills and intellectual ability. I make you feel painfully inadequate without me. Toward the end - you will consider dying if you are separated from me.

I am perfect and breathtaking in my pursuit of your mind, body and soul. I am more powerful than your love and commitment to friends, family, spouse, freedom, or life itself. You will compromise every decent value you have to serve me. I have established a velvet throne within your brain... I have imprisoned the real you. From now on your countenance nd actions will mirror my malignance. I will become your flesh.

I never grow weak, I never sleep. I am totally aware at all times. I know where your weakest point is. I tempt and taunt you in your dreams. I can only be exposed by other humans and I can only be displaced, by your awareness and action. I can't stand the light of day. I am intolerant of direct exposure. I hate anyone or anything that has the audacity to challenge my ownership and power over you. I will rage and fight bitterly to keep you. If possible I will kill you rather than let you be possessed by the real you again. I use you to defend me against those that try to help. Such audacity is mine alone.

I am known as being jealous and demanding. you will offer all of you to me as I dictate. You will lie, steal, cheat, scam, assault and humiliate yourself and others in order to serve me. You will actually believe in your own lies. I absolutely will not tolerate disobedience from you - you may at times catch a horrifying glimpse of me and try to run away. You may make these pathetic attempts again and again. But you can never run fast enough because you carry me along with you... I control you completely. Yet I am not satisfied with the extent of the corruption that I cause within you. I want more. I want it now, and I won't stop shrieking within the back of your mind until I get it.

I refuse to participate with you. I flatly refuse to be 'moderated' by you in any way. I will only consent to outright ownership of you, every bit of you. Completely, 24 hours a day until your 'untimely' death. I refuse to make 'deals' with you. I will not make any exception for you. Let me make this clear: You will forsake all other things, people and places for me. I am relentless, I can strike as fast as a rattlesnake, or I can torment you for decades. Of this be sure - as long as you life, I exist.

Foolish people do not take me seriously. They take strokes, cancer, and heart attacks seriously. This is fine with me. Ignorance allows me to flourish unchallenged. I have been killing people like you for a millennia. I am a disease of the mind, body, character, and soul. How unique. The success of my corruption lies within your ignorance of who I am and what I do. I want you to believe that you alone are more powerful than me. I want you to believe that you are the exception to the rule. I whisper these lies into your mind with unrelenting consistency. I make your enemies your friends, and I will make your friends your enemies. I make you defensive and angry, I make you feel self-pity, that 'no one understands you'. I make you believe your own lies. I make you alone even in the midst of your own family.

Even society protects me and my deviously murderous ways. Well meaning people tell you that I am caused by your supposedly 'addictive personality', your previous painful experiences, your maladaptive ways or your inability to think properly. Others tell you that I am caused by your 'bad character' or your 'immorality'. I am again underestimated. Listen now... I cause pain, pain does not cause me. I will own your life and gleefully engineer your death if allowed to continue my purpose unchecked.

I take the young and the old, men and women, the healthy and the frail. I take the wealthy, the poor, and the middle class. I lay claim to all those within my grasp. I'll take all races, all tastes, all customs, and all beliefs. The moralist, the achievers, the intellectuals and those of high willpower are those that I enjoy the most. Yet I take all. I am an equal opportunity destroyer.

Now, hear me well... Stay away from those loathsome 'twelve step' people. I hate those mealy-mouthed 'recovery' people. I despise their stupid meetings, their laughter, their freedom and thier 'Higher Power'. I hate everything they stand for. They do not fear me... do not listen to them, disregard them. Only their damned steps can take away what I have striven to perfect. They disprove me, expose me, and bring other people into contact with you to help you. This is unacceptable.

You didn't need these people before. You don't need them now. I warn you here and now - if you abandon me for these people and this new found 'freedom' from me... I shall wait patiently for you to make a mistake so I can return you to your ragged, tumbling Hell. I do not forgive. You have been warned... until then, I wish you misery and suffering.

(Author Unknown)
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Old 11-02-2010, 01:44 AM
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that is chilling, for sure and describes the alcoholic in my life much too clearly. How horribly sad!! thank you for posting it. it is something i needed to read.
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Old 11-02-2010, 02:06 AM
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How accurate and sad... and true. Thanks.

Yet one sees some of them going on as business as usual, and its shocking- but addiction has not gone anywhere... as this says... it can hit as a rattlesnake or do it slowly through decades.

How horrible yet I needed to remember all this. Thanks for posting.
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Old 11-02-2010, 03:01 AM
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thank you for bringing this to our attention. wow.

as friends and family of addicts, it's good to know what we're up against. it really does feel as this author describes...many times, i wondered : where has my beloved gone? it was as if they had been wholly taken over, like a puppet.

and alcohol is the puppet master. and it will take us down too, through trying to save one lost in its grasp.

i'm afraid that i have underestimated alcohol in the past. this disease is so insiduous, it creeps into literally every aspect of our lives if we permit it.

"i am powerless over alcohol and my life has become unmanageable. i believe in a HP that can restore me to sanity." amen.
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Old 11-02-2010, 03:21 AM
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Originally Posted by naive View Post
thank you for bringing this to our attention. wow.

as friends and family of addicts, it's good to know what we're up against. it really does feel as this author describes...many times, i wondered : where has my beloved gone? it was as if they had been wholly taken over, like a puppet.

and alcohol is the puppet master. and it will take us down too, through trying to save one lost in its grasp.

i'm afraid that i have underestimated alcohol in the past. this disease is so insiduous, it creeps into literally every aspect of our lives if we permit it.

"i am powerless over alcohol and my life has become unmanageable. i believe in a HP that can restore me to sanity." amen.
I couldn't have said it better myself!! I have definitely underestimated this addiction and thank goodness i have come to my senses!! I can only save myself from this and that is exactly what i am going to do!!!
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Old 11-02-2010, 03:48 AM
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"I cause pain, pain does not cause me."

I found these words to be particularly impactful. Sadly, this is a life I know too well. Thank you.
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Old 11-02-2010, 05:15 AM
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I have mixed feelings about this
First, one needs to believe it's a disease, which I am on the fence about that. I believe addiction is more about character flaws, fears and mental illness than anything else.
This pretty much says the addict is powerless and I do not believe anyone is powerless over their issues.

Personally, I would not give addiction this much credit.
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Old 11-02-2010, 05:50 AM
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Tatli those words were also eye opening and powerful for me...

Summerpeach, reading this for me was tantamount to being in AA and hearing alkies say things like "when I ended up hitting my 4th wife and making her lose our baby, I realized something had to change".

It is all about placing addiction in its proper dimension.

I do not know what it is or why some recover and some end up death in denial and total sickness. The only thing I know is what a small touch of it did to my life, how it made me feel, and what it has done to others here, and in real life, from many different sides as parents, siblings, children, friends, partners. To me all those experiences align with this text above.


Anyway, we take what works and disregard what doesn't. No one is powerless, as we have many examples of recovered people around here, but how many have the will and strength to recover? how many times did they relapse? and what was the cost each time? to me this thread says "this battle is not yours, wake up to the blessing of being away from this devil and be grateful today for being truly free".
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Old 11-02-2010, 06:07 AM
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Very powerful. It's hard for me to grasp, since I'm not the addict in my situation. I want to feel empathy, pity... I want to help. But the experts tell us that we can't help addicts who won't help themselves. I end up getting frustrated and angry.

My AW has suffered from OCD most of her life. Once, when she was having one of her panic attacks, I said "Can't you just stop?". Apparently, they can't. I suppose the same is true of addicts. I've asked my AW why she can't just stop drinking, and she doesn't seem to want to. Maybe she just can't.
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Old 11-02-2010, 06:12 AM
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I am the master of disguise and seduction. I mask myself as your lover, your best friend, and your 'ace in the hole'...I initially seduce you with instant gratification, with a feeling of peace, a feeling of belonging.
When I went to get my back tattooed, I chose the artwork very carefully. I wanted something to remind me that addiction is out there if I choose that path again, and how seductive addiction is.

I chose a piece of art by Boris Vallejo that is a winged vampire embracing a nude woman, with a serpent curled at her feet.

To me, it represents the dark seduction of addiction, and my past life.

That tattoo was for me, and very few people have seen it in real life.
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