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Second Al-anon meeting!

Old 11-05-2010, 05:26 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by missb89 View Post
On another note, I am feeling some anxiety. I went to my third AA meeting tonight, and I just don't feel comfortable there. I did not get as bad as everyone else there, which I know by no means implies that I don't have a problem, it just means that I can't really relate on the same level with them. They are all so much older and mostly men. I don't get that good peaceful feeling that I get when I am in Al-anon. I guess I am being judgemental and I apologize, but some of the people there even freak me out. I may have already asked this in a different way, I'm not sure. Do you think that I could only attend Al-anon meetings, while simutaneously (sp?)working on my sobriety. For example say we work the steps and I apply step 1 to being powerless over MY alcoholism, and everyone else's as well as people, places, and things. It is the same program, so to me it seems like that should work for every step? Please respond. I feel like alcohol is a part of my struggle, but my main struggle and the thing that holds me back in life and relationships is my codependency. Although a lot of people disagree, I think that it is much harder for me to abstain from those behaviors than it is to abstain from alcohol. Much love.
I have been attending Alanon for 4+ years now. I was also "sentenced" to AA by the judge hearing our 2nd custody case, after he heard my honest answers about my own drinking history. I can understand his concern, what he didn't understand was that alcohol had caused me SO MANY problems and cost me SO MUCH by then, I WAS DONE. Period.

I attended AA every week for about 1 1/2 years, and while there was good recovery and I got a lot out of it, at the end of the day I'd already been sober almost 2 years when I first started it and I finally just quit going around 3 years ago.

What I highlighted above in your post is EXACTLY how I feel about the two programs. I never got that feeling of peace washing over me in AA, like I do as soon as I walk into my Alanon. I felt judged and scrutinized in the AA meetings for some reason. It is just a harder, more militant kind of a deal IMHO. I can see the reasons, life hangs in the balance in AA, so it's more urgent.

Like you, my self damaging behaviors in my interpersonal relationships are of far more importance to my quality of life than any concern about alcohol is now days. Luckily, alcohol is a non-issue for me, for which I am truly grateful to my HP. I would not wish the struggles of some alcoholics on my worst enemy.

Bottom line, it is up to you to decide what approach you wish to take to make your life better, you get to pick. If you feel like someone is pushing or pulling you one way or the other, I'd consider THAT a red flag.

Take what you like and leave the rest.

Thanks and God bless us all,
Coyote
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missb89 (11-05-2010)
Old 11-05-2010, 09:27 AM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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There are no rules.If you are able to stay sober on your own, but alanon is helping you, then give it a try.The steps are the steps.I think Step 4 is usually a little differnt for alcoholics/addicts than Alanoners as it is more focused on the problems drinking has caused.The steps are a spiritual awakening whether done in AA or alanon. It's not like AA won't take you back if you should decide to go! I think you are probably dead on that your codependency caused you more problems than your drinking. Sounds like you are really taking a long hard look at yourdelf..nice work!
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Old 11-05-2010, 01:22 PM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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Again, I am truly thankful for all of your input. I know my problem is projecting into the future, overthinking, and rushing to find all the answers at the same time. Thank you for reminding me that my decisions are not a contract or set in stone, and I can choose to attend whichever meetings are working best for me. I have faith in my HP that I will choose the right path, and that everything will be okay. I am more than willing to work for it, I am so sick of sticking it out day after day instead of truly living and being present in my life. Big hugs to all. This website is my saving grace, I look forward to logging on every evening, it almost feels like home to me I know that may sound strange.
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