Please welcome lady2424
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
Please welcome lady2424
Lady posted on another thread, and I wanted to make sure that the good people at SR read her situation, and will welcome her! 
She wrote:
She wrote:
hi .. i am new to all of this and came across these posts and need some advice .. my boyfriend is an alcoholic .. he went to rehab before i met him but it was then accepted he could drink a few and be okay so when i met him he was back to being a mess .. since dating he's gotten better but in the last 6 months its going down hill .. i've found hidden bottles and there have been more than a few terrible days when he hid his drinking till we realized he was drunk and well those days were horrible .. the last one was last weekend .. he promised to get help not to drink .. do far this week that i know he hasn't drank but what do i know anymore .. a week has gone by with him going to no meetings he keeps saying i will go so today he went (i'm afraid it may have been to shut me up and i know he needs to do this on his own i am just a disaster right now). to cut this short i found two empty bottles in our closet the receipt was from a month ago so i know he hasn't bought them this week but i am so mad and hurt and i don't know what to do. or how long to stay in this relationship .. i don't want to leave but i feel like i cant trust anything anymore
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Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,888
(((( hugs ))))
Welcome to SR. I am so sorry for what you are going through. It seems trust is the first great casualty when it comes to addiction. Sadly, it is also seems to be what takes the longest to rebuild when we try to reconcile with an addict.
Try to consider what you would tell a friend in this situation. Thinking objectively you have to wonder what is the sense in pursuing a lasting relationship when there is no trust so early on. I have trouble just being around an acquaintance I don't trust. When I stopped trusting my EX, it really was all downhill from there.
Please keep reading and posting!!
Alice
Welcome to SR. I am so sorry for what you are going through. It seems trust is the first great casualty when it comes to addiction. Sadly, it is also seems to be what takes the longest to rebuild when we try to reconcile with an addict.
Try to consider what you would tell a friend in this situation. Thinking objectively you have to wonder what is the sense in pursuing a lasting relationship when there is no trust so early on. I have trouble just being around an acquaintance I don't trust. When I stopped trusting my EX, it really was all downhill from there.
Please keep reading and posting!!
Alice
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
Lady, he's been to rehab, so he has been given the tools to stay sober if he wants it badly enough.
I don't know where the accepting he could drink a few comes from, but once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic.
Are you getting any type of support for yourself like attending Alanon?
"Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie is an excellent starter book.
Please do keep posting, and know that you are among friends.
I don't know where the accepting he could drink a few comes from, but once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic.
Are you getting any type of support for yourself like attending Alanon?
"Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie is an excellent starter book.
Please do keep posting, and know that you are among friends.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: New England, U.S.
Posts: 169
welcome lady, and i urge you to keep coming back and pay attention to your instinct. If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, it probably is a duck.....you will know the right thing to do in time if you take care of YOU and your needs and not him and his. You really ARE among friends, so relax and post and remember how valuable YOU are!! do what feels right for YOU, that is the most important thing. i'm so sorry you have to go through this.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
Welcome to SR.......but as always...very sorry for the circumstances that bring you here.
When newcomers come here, they often here us tell them to begin taking care of themselves. Alcoholism doesn't just affect the person drinking.....it impacts everyone close to them as well as you know. When we begin taking better care of ourselves and learning more about the disease, enabling and co-dependence, we can find serenity whether they are actively drinking or not.
I hope that you stick around. There are so many people here who have been (or still are) were you are and we all understand the pain and frustration of loving someone with a problem with alcohol (or drugs or both).
gentle hugs
When newcomers come here, they often here us tell them to begin taking care of themselves. Alcoholism doesn't just affect the person drinking.....it impacts everyone close to them as well as you know. When we begin taking better care of ourselves and learning more about the disease, enabling and co-dependence, we can find serenity whether they are actively drinking or not.
I hope that you stick around. There are so many people here who have been (or still are) were you are and we all understand the pain and frustration of loving someone with a problem with alcohol (or drugs or both).
gentle hugs
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: the moon, milky way
Posts: 1,250
His drinking is affecting you and unfortunately there isn't anything we can do as gf's of alcoholics to change them, or push them to go to meetings etc. It is something he will have to come to on his own. All you can do is work on your boundaries (what you won't or will put up with) and stick to them. If that isn't enough then maybe stepping away from the relationship is better for you. It really depends on what you can handle. And you should never put up with abusive behavior, if that is the type of alcoholic he is.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: PA
Posts: 985
Hi lady,
Like everyone just want to welcome you to the SR family. I chair the Family and Friends meeting on Sat at 9 pm if you are interested in attending. We also have a private chat room for F&F only called the "alanoroom". Just go or post that you want someone to meet you there and whoever is on line will meet you. Keep reading and posting. Hope you are well.
Like everyone just want to welcome you to the SR family. I chair the Family and Friends meeting on Sat at 9 pm if you are interested in attending. We also have a private chat room for F&F only called the "alanoroom". Just go or post that you want someone to meet you there and whoever is on line will meet you. Keep reading and posting. Hope you are well.
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