Why?
 

Why do I think and feel so reluctant to say that my sister is alcoholic?

If I go by the number of drinks consumed in a week, there is no equivocation.

She, however would not dare and would be incredibly offended if anyone thought or said such a thing about her.
She says she had to learn to hold her liquor when she was in the military.
And she doesn't do crazy things when she is drunk.
She is a very proud woman.
(and super-controlling)

I can't stand to be around her gatherings because of all the drinking. It just brings out the worst in me...and I think that is because of my XAABF not really about her.

But I just have horrid resistance going on here about it.
Like breaking a family taboo..or more accurately a betrayal.

I don't know about you, but I grew up in an era where you didn't air your family's 'dirty laundry.'

That's why my parents never wanted to go to family counseling when I first got clean/sober.

Did I feel guilty about discussing my dysfunctional family when I first started therapy? You bet. I felt I was betraying them in some manner.

It finally came down to me wanting change badly enough to start working through family issues.

My contact with my family (ie Mom and Dad) is limited because I know what I can handle.

We get together on neutral grounds (a city that is a halfway point for all of us to meet at), eat at a restaurant, go see a movie, maybe an IMAX feature at the Cosmosphere, and then we all go our separate ways.

I'm blessed in that they don't drink, so no alcohol is involved.

I think that the fact that she is a hugely successful ambitious business woman has alot to do with it.
And that she has put alot of money into the family with gifts of adventure, travel and ...for me as a reference to get my highest paying job ever.

I have read that it isn't the amount a person drinks, you could drink ever day and not be an alcoholic according to the DSM..it's more about other qualifiers, but regardless, it's hard to label people,especially people you love.

sometimes it's about the timing?

If her drinking bothers you I think you have the right to say so but be careful as to the timing and only do it one on one. Be cool about it.

I know myself when I was in active addiction my brothers tried to say something to me about it but I wasn't receptive to the idea I was too full of myself. But they tried anyway and I didn't hold it against them.

for me a young girl summed it up perfectly a while ago with a few words, I really can't remember her name but I think of her often and wonder how she's doing, but she said something along the lines of 'I never thought my family would be 'that' family'

I loved that quote because that was exactly how I felt at one time, I never thought it would happen to my family and couldn't/wouldn't accept that it had.

It did, it was my family and I know different now thanks to SR, but that young girls words still stick in my head because that's exactly how I felt, it couldn't happen to my family. Then it did.

Why? Maybe because you know a big part of it is the backlash you're still dealing with from living with an alcoholic? As you said, it's more that than anything else.

I think it's perfectly okay to have that boundary, that you don't want to be there or around when she's entertaining and going to be drinking a lot.

Whether she acknowledges she has a problem or not...

well, having bipolar I always get asked about my family tree. Just lately I have been saying my brother and sister are alcoholics.
My brother put himself in rehab about 10 years ago. (he still drinks)...so, no problem there.
But when I list my sister I feel a shiver about it.

No, I am not planning on saying anything to her about it.