Starlynn

EXACTLY!! And it is so frustrating! The thing that really annoys me is that even though I have lent my ABF over $2500, let him do laundry at my house (because he doesn't have a washer) or do it for him, pay for dinner because he is always broke, have a crappy birthday because he didn't care enough to make it special, buy him things he needs because he is broke and his house is in foreclosure....and the list could go on he still has the nerve to say it's never about him!

Still Waters

And a relationship with one very unhealthy person has the potential to take up the energy of the healthy partner while the sick one is oblivious.

Live

absolutely Still Waters!
I was pretty confident going in....I was just totally ignorant of alcoholism, abuse and etc.
It wiped me out.
I was a tottering shell of the person I was before.

Unlike many others...I am not thankful for this life experience...no matter how much I love SR or what I have learned.
Who is to say what I would have learned without this crushing presence in my life.

Still Waters

Oh, I am Live. I agree with what someone else wrote in another thread that we're lucky we got prodded to work on ourselves, to take a close look and make ourselves better. LTD wrote that I think.

Don't get me wrong, it was hell, and I'm in a pretty bad place right now due to his actions (yep, that's blame right there) but I do think it was a valuable lesson.

Live

Not me.
I grew up in a stable household. I have issues, everyone has issues, but they got so much right.
I was with my first husband for 17 years.

I had normal.

I think I was 35 years old when I started dating the XAABF and fell into a 5 year pit of trouble.

I think I could have lived my life just fine without that experience. better, to be very honest.

I do not have those beliefs that say everything happens for a reason and that it is all for the better.

Still Waters

Mine was stable too, though I realize now my Dad was always very distant. He did the best he could with the skills he had.

I just think, for me, this whole nightmare has really opened up a world of introspection.

I don't believe that saying either Live, nor a lot of the silly quotes we've heard all our lives.

tryintosmile

Wow - you really hit home with this one!!! I have many of these incidences, but if one had to stand out it would be - 'You're the one on disability and you can't keep the house clean every day'! I'm thinking - well I'm on disability for chronic fatigue and pain and NO - I can't constantly do everything. If I could - I would be at work. I think his hopes were dashed when he realized that I was not staying home from work - on disability - just to take care of him and the house. Some days I can barely move, and he still has a long list of everything that I should do. When I don't get all of them done, or some days any - he rages at me. I still have a very good income, yet because HE is the one who works, HE is allowed to drink it away - **** it out, and rage at me when I cannot take care of HIS needs. Oh - so backwards!

tryintosmile

Oh no - I'm wrong - I forgot about the time that I was rolling on the floor with gall stones and called him for help. He was in the other room trying to sleep, yelling at me to shut up. I had to call my mother, while on the floor sweating and in pain until it stopped.

I agree that this experience has made me stronger though. Or that I never knew my own strength until I went through this. I don't think that anyone should HAVE to go through this to realize their own value or to gain self confidence, but perhaps I wouldn't have been able to do it any other way. Perhaps I had to face all of my fears in order to deal with my 'demons'. I'm about as clear headed as I've ever been, despite the fact that I still don't have the strength to end this once and for all - yet. All I do know is that if it does end, I will be fine. I never believed that before - so that is a step

Live

I am sorry you are going through this.

That's abuse, you know?!