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It was my birthday last week....

Old 10-27-2010, 10:44 PM
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It was my birthday last week....

It was my birthday last week...my parents decided to take me out to dinner on thursday, which he reluctantly came. He bought gifts last minute.....all from a quick stop a best buy (not my favorite store), which was right near the restaurant.

On friday, I decided to go out with some girlfriends from work, all of whom are in relationships, execpt for one. I haven't done this in years, I can't even remember the last time I've stepped foot in a bar, let alone got a wee bit intoxicated! I was stupidly excited, got my hair done, bought a new outfit etc. etc. I got my ABF to drop me off at my parents as I didn't want him to know where my friend lived and my parents took me to her house from there. He seemed reluctant to let me go out, but generally OK with it when he dropped me off. He know's I'm a good, trustworthy person and wouldn't get herself in trouble at the bar, or at least that's what I thought.

I didn't check my phone all night, both on purpose and because of the music, until I got home. I walked through the door at 1:30 am, I saw his car was in the parking lot, but he wasn't HOME! I tried calling and texting him to see where he was, and when he finally replied back to me he said he was out looking for me! (I guess he had even called my parents house at 10:30 to see where I was) When I asked why, he said that it was because he saw on Facebook (my facebook account I may add.......) that my single girlfriend (whose birthday it was as well) had posted something on the 'risque' topic and I guess he got all mad and thought that I had something to do with that.

Needless to say, I went to bed at 2:30, he still wasn't home, nor returning a text, and off to bed I went. I woke up at 3:30, and found him passed out on the couch.

I was SO mad at him the next day...and I came right out with it and said it....why is it I can't even go out with my friends without you coming looking for me!

The rest of the weekend (sat/sun night) he stayed sober, monday it started again.

Today is wednesday; I've had two very busy nights with volunteer conference calls, of which he just complains about how I don't want to spend any time with him. I just went into the bedroom to go get the phone, and he's passed out on the bed, with a half drank bottle of Vodka stuffed in his sock.

I know what I WANT TO DO.....WHAT I HAVE TO DO......but still don't have the courage to face what I SHOULD do......
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Old 10-27-2010, 10:57 PM
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That has also been defining, the fact one can't enjoy ONE SINGLE NIGHT OF INNOCENT JOY without some drama. And partner was not even alcoholic.

In my case I have tried to leave 3 times and he does not let me go. He now wants to try "couple's therapy". I also know I just need to go cold turkey No Contact which feels incredibly mean...

I guess it comes to how much life we are planning to keep wasting. I have a "countdown" clock in my computer. Helps remind me I won't be around forever.

HUGS
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Old 10-28-2010, 03:47 PM
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Originally Posted by UsedToBeAPearl View Post
I know what I WANT TO DO.....WHAT I HAVE TO DO......but still don't have the courage to face what I SHOULD do......
yes that feeling sounds all too familiar. it took me 2 years from knowing what i have to do to actually doing it. i feel angry at myself for wasting years of my life. lost years that i cannot get back. well i try to tell myself that the lost time must be good for something, though i don't see it yet.

what finally worked for me (to make the right decision) is just picturing myself again and again without all the hassle, just being on my own and FREE. without bottles of beer constantly in my face (not literally of course).
and a staggering AB insisting he only had TWO beers.

the decision is tough. it is followed by a very emotional time, especially if your alcoholic partner doesn't want to let go. my AB will be moving out in a few weeks but still keeps telling me how much he loves me and that nobody will ever love me as much as he does. i think maybe he hasn't realized yet that this time it really is over.
but as the end is in sight i try to just emotionally distance myself and look forward to life without his beer, without tobacco all over the floor, being able to always choose which tv programme to watch, knowing that i won't be woken up when i go to bed and other little things like that.
no more walking on eggshells and just generally being happier and not influenced by somebody else's mood, be it aggressive, drunk-sentimental, argumentative or whatever.

i think the biggest thing that bothered me for the past 2 years is knowing that i was living a lie. i knew it wasn't right but i kept pushing that thought away. maybe then i was still too weak to deal with the break-up.

wishing you all the strength you need when you finally make the right decision and go through with it.
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Old 10-28-2010, 03:56 PM
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not having to get permission to do things was one of the reasons I always wanted to be a grown up when I was marking my calendar as a teen
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Old 10-28-2010, 08:29 PM
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I feel like I don't have freedom anymore. However, I can picture myself living on my own, and being very happy...I see myself getting back to the person I once was, not such a homebody. I am still so mad at him for last night. When he woke up, I was right next to him, and the bottle of vodka on the night stand. I left the room for a second and when I returned it was gone. He was wondering why I wasn't really talking to him and being short with my answers for the rest of the night, when I told him, it was because of what I found. And you know what he did?! HE DENIED IT! I told him I found it in his sock; he saw me sitting there with him and the bottle, and he still denied it!

What the hell!?

I tried talking to his dad tonight, and he just says that it's my issue that I have to deal with. His reasoning is that I have the 'power of love' on my side that nobody else has.....so I asked..."what about you then? you have the power of love of the family", and he just stayed quiet.....

How frustrating
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