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Old 10-27-2010, 05:42 PM
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Quick-what do I say?

My childhood friend whose wife died May 1, leaving him with an infant, is coming over to hang out. He called last night, asking if he could, saying, "Oh and by the way, it's my anniversary."

So far he's been chatty on the phone, joking. Same old fella I've known and loved forever.

Do I ask him how he's doing? OR wait for him to initiate talking about his wife?

I just don't want to put my foot in my mouth, which I excel at..
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Old 10-27-2010, 05:45 PM
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talking about our beloved ones is good....he maybe emotional, and that is normal too, so dont be afraid, just be supportive....

trust me....ease into it...if he is open .....all will be good....all the best...
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Old 10-27-2010, 05:46 PM
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he brought it up...and guys just don't do the emotional talking as naturally as we do, so I would say that it is a signal to you...and yes, ask how he is.
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Old 10-27-2010, 05:47 PM
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hey, just be yourself and stay present.

no need to rehearse ahead of time. that takes all the spontanity out of it.

have a good night!
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Old 10-27-2010, 05:49 PM
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transform,

i agree with live. he wants you to ask.
strength to you girl, you can do this.

Beth
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Old 10-27-2010, 05:53 PM
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asking if he could, saying, "Oh and by the way, it's my anniversary."
It sounds like he's ready...bring it up when it feels right, if he doesn't bring it up first. I bet he will.
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Old 10-27-2010, 07:19 PM
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Yup, I'd ask how he has been holding up. Not so much 'how are you doing' because you know he is probably really not doing too great most days. Don't treat the death like an elephant in the room. That can be quite painful for those who have lost a loved one.
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Old 10-27-2010, 07:23 PM
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this time of the year is so lovely, they chose a beautiful time to marry.
I am sure it causes pain but you have said before that he is doing quite well.
Some companionship and warm-heartednesss go along way.
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Old 10-27-2010, 07:49 PM
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Be yourself and say what you think is right. He may or may not want to talk about her for a long time but I would express some sentiment of care . It might be hard for him to bring up, but by mentioning it to you it will surely be on his mind. You could even just say that you know it must be on his mind and if he wants to talk you are there to listen. That way you aren't pressuring him but aren't ignoring it either.
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Old 10-27-2010, 09:43 PM
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Wonderful, sage advice everyone. Thank you!

I was just panicked. We had a blast. Walked the dogs, ate beef stew that he made and brought over, he talked and talked about her, how he didn't know she was anorexic or addicted to pills, and his fear of the process he's going through. Mostly I listened. Gave him lots of hugs. We also laughed and laughed. It was easy.
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Old 10-27-2010, 09:53 PM
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I read somewhere anorexia has taken more lives than WW II . This was shocking to me.

I am glad you both had a good time, transformie. Childhood friendships are very healing, even among very difficult times. I am glad you both laughed!
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Old 10-28-2010, 07:01 AM
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Thanks TC, yeah apparently her heart gave out, which is typical for folks who starve themselves all of their adult lives.
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Old 10-28-2010, 07:06 AM
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Mostly I listened. Gave him lots of hugs. We also laughed and laughed. It was easy.
Sounds good transform. Very good.

Beth
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