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Forgive they SELF

Old 10-27-2010, 06:21 PM
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Exclamation Forgive they SELF

I can not seem to get pass the shame and guilt i carry for taking in this ALKIE into my life/home with my children and i...this man is the perfect CON man, does not take any account for his behaviour brought into this home...sneaking, lieing and stealing....(he has moved on.....)

I get that HE is very very SICK... but what about me?
I feel so guilty taking him in, and so ashamed....how do i forgive myself? or am i just as sick as HIM...?

feed back is SOOO greatfully appreciated..good or bad...I love you guys...dish it out!
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Old 10-27-2010, 07:06 PM
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Being Silent so I can Hear
 
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They are the ultimate actors aren't they? They con and manipulate and tell you what you want to hear.

Honestly, unless you had experience with people like the before, how the heck could you know? Even if I had run background checks etc. on my insane ex (I think he's my X now) it wouldn't have shown anything.

It wasn't until much later, in close proximity, that I noticed that what he said didn't match up with reality. He lives a life based on lies, and keeps himself far away from people who can expose those lies.

I would have had to live with him prior to marriage, which would have done the same thing (expose me and my child to a nut) minus the legal mess of marriage and divorce.

I don't know maggie, he lied and I believed him since I had no reason to think he'd lie about such things.

I still feel like an idiot, and I still feel guilt over it. But you know what? I learned a very powerful lesson...and one I'm not likely to ever forget. Maybe my daughter did too.
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Old 10-27-2010, 07:19 PM
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Now that you know better, you will do better.

I had lots of guilt over my daughter as well. I decided to let myself off the hook. We do the best we know how at the time. It's all we can do.

Thanks and God bless us all,
Coyote
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Old 10-27-2010, 07:21 PM
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Being Silent so I can Hear
 
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We do the best we know how at the time. It's all we can do.
Amen.
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Old 10-27-2010, 08:48 PM
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Experience is a great teacher. You have learned what an A in the place is like, and so have your kids. Hopefully all of you will understand that lesson.

Now stop trampling on yourself, cut the blame game for being conned, and know you will recognise a con in future. You also have made friends here that you didn't have before, and sweetie we can smell out trouble better than any hounds.
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Old 10-27-2010, 09:19 PM
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Whenever you feel like this, make it a point to watch Who the Bleep Did I Marry? for a couple of episodes. I feel stupid and guilty for marrying a man who was IN prison when we first began a correspondence. Why can't I ever go with conventional wisdom? There were reasons, though. A series of experiences that shifted a number of my paradigms. Furthermore, I met AH through his cousin -- a charming, wholesome-seeming young woman with two small children and a hardworking husband. She HAD to know AH's history. That's what I cannot comprehend to this day --- that the A lies with wild abandon is one thing, but that a family member would deliberately mislead an "innocent" woman. Anyway, I'm rambling on and I just meant to say trust is a tricky business. Let's forgive ourselves.
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Old 10-28-2010, 05:25 AM
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Yeh i feel you,i also struggle with the guilt,shame and anger at myself for believing all the bs,but at the end of the day its done and we cannot change it so its best to be proud of yourself for getting out of it because that is a very hard thing to do as everyone on here knows.

We should all stop looking for ways to blame ourselfs because after all thats all we did when we were with them and thats why we stayed stuck with them.

Now we are armed with knowledge and could smell a rat from 200 miles away!!

I say congratulations for being free of the drunken a** wipe!! x
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Old 10-28-2010, 12:44 PM
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you are human, and humans tend to make many mistakes. as some pop singer said when we finally have got the full instructions for life we have to go...so since you're not a robot, in which case somebody might have returned you to the manufacturer, you can safely make as many mistakes as you like (or not like most of the time), and all will still be well in the end :-)

Last edited by cinnamngirl; 10-28-2010 at 12:44 PM. Reason: poor spelling
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Old 10-28-2010, 12:48 PM
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forumaggie,

skumbags come in all shapes and sizes. my ex was not an alcoholic but he was a con man, manipulator, abuser, all in all, a lizard human. I had no idea such people exist when I married him and had 3 kids with him.

new day, new life. that's all I can say. each day, each new moment is a new opportunity to better our lives.
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Old 10-28-2010, 12:52 PM
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Maggie,

Still Waters spoke about it for me.

I didn't have a clue what life with an alcoholic was.
Snap! He told me he was alcoholic and I thought...well, no problem, I don't really drink often so with me it will be a non-issue.
And, gee, he was upfront...so sure, I think there is honesty and trust.

I had never known an alcoholic before...to the best of my knowledge.

That was 7 years ago or so and I am just now getting comfortable with the knowledge that I have determined my sister is alcoholic.

But, as was said...we sure can sniff em out now!
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Old 10-28-2010, 07:10 PM
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OMG! thank you so much for the responses...this was the 1st time I really had a problem with myself...and it was not a self esteem issue, it was how to forgive me...

we sure can sniff em out now!
ooh yes NOW i understand...

Experience is a great teacher
and AMEN to that...i understand that now...

Now that you know better, you will do better
AMEN to that! THIS was the perfect lesson...and boy, it could have been worse. All i am missing is 3 bottles of RUM and 1 bottle of RYE...and a whole bunch of lies that this is MY VERSION of it...*as I stand and look at the empty bottles..LOL*(he claims different)

They are the ultimate actors aren't they? They con and manipulate and tell you what you want to hear.

Honestly, unless you had experience with people like the before, how the heck could you know? THINGS didn't match up with reality. He lives a life based on lies, and keeps himself far away from people who can expose those lies.


You know you hit something there..(.IN THE BIG BOLD)....he was a RUNNER...and I was always questioning him...and throwing his AA back at him, when he throw it at me...NOTHING added up...it was the same repeat all the time...David L said to me once.." I am a PERSONA in reality" ...so he was a character at all times..nothing was real....I get that statement now...

I did learn a great big lesson here...my Higher Power was showing me something to be taught here and for me to share my message...Now TO LET GO AND LET GOD

THANK YOU
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