Holding my temper, teeth clenched!
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Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 693
Originally Posted by transformyself 
Every time I read this title I subconsciously replace "teeth clenched," with "butt cheeks clenched," because I'm emotionally 12 but it makes me laugh.
Don't do this to me. I have to work today. If I get into another laughing jag they are going to send someone from Employee Assistance over!!!
Originally Posted by transformyself
I think you're new name should be DON'T **** WITH ME
I Love Who I Am
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
Yes, I most likely am insane. Except, I think if you think you are, you aren't? I dunno.
Actually I think the don't **** with me persona is mainly centered around protecting your kids. Fierce Momma Bear. Don't **** With Her.
Actually I think the don't **** with me persona is mainly centered around protecting your kids. Fierce Momma Bear. Don't **** With Her.
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Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: behind the viewfinder...
Posts: 6,278
Originally Posted by Wife2Kids
Thumper depends on my mood. Sometimes I am a "need to get this anger/anxiety/"icky feeling" out of my system" hooper--then I look more like a ninja!
"HoopNinja"
L
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Alaska
Posts: 2,913
Originally Posted by Wife2Kids
uncertainty he always dresses better than the kids. Heck, the year before I left he went to NYC for a gig and laid out $5000 on suits. Like he had that kind of money. I believe those suits were part of the refinancing of our house. So he is always Dapper Dan and the kids looks like a mess. So your rant would have been warranted.
Ditto on the marriage front here. I cannot see that word coming up in my vocabulary as directly related to me any time in the future. Bleh. Can't even foresee a future where I would consent to live with a man. Date, maybe, but not any time soon. That may change in time and with counseling, but at this time, the thought kind of makes me want to
HoopNinja! It's fun just saying it!
Occasional poor taste poster
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 2,542
Originally Posted by Wife2Kids
HoopNinja it is! Now how do I change it?
sorry. couldn't help it
Ping a MOD with your request. I'm sure they can hook you up
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Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 693
Originally Posted by Jazzman
Give the MODs the other half of your pension
YouTube - Baxter at Hoop Down A real hoop ninja--love Baxter. Guy is incredible!
OK, need to shoot a note to one of the MOD so I can be HoopNinja!
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 1,288
Originally Posted by Wife2Kids
I did not settle for no fault. There are no other options. That is the only way you can file for a divorce in my state.
My lawyer tried to go the "potential earning" route for child support. We went through mediation and the mediator said--you have not been able to make him get a job what makes you think we will be able to force him to get a job. They actually told me they knew what he would do because it was the same thing all the rest of them do. He would go out and apply for 5 jobs he was not qualified for every week. That is all he has to do--apply for 5 jobs a week. It is easy to get around the potential earning laws.
Also the law says I cannot take all of his money for child support because he needs something to live on. So even if they tried to go the potential earing route they still could not take more from him than they were giving me because of that law.
Is it fair? No, not in the least. Was there anything I could do about it? No, not at all. It would have cost me more in legal fees than I probably would have gotten from him. It would have also prolonged the divorce. So I would have spent more money and he would still get everything he got. I would not have gotten any more from him and would have waited longer to get rid of his lazy a**.
Me-I will not be getting married ever again unless I sign a pre-nup that says all my stuff is mine and all your stuff is mine too (hee, hee). After my divorce my sister told all 3 of her daughters they were not going to get any of their inheritance unless they signed pre-nups! Of course they have a squillion times more money than me so I can see why.
I figure it will take me 2 to 3 years to recover financially from the divorce and a lifetime to recover financially from the loss of my pension.
However I have recovered my sanity immediately so it was worth it.
My lawyer tried to go the "potential earning" route for child support. We went through mediation and the mediator said--you have not been able to make him get a job what makes you think we will be able to force him to get a job. They actually told me they knew what he would do because it was the same thing all the rest of them do. He would go out and apply for 5 jobs he was not qualified for every week. That is all he has to do--apply for 5 jobs a week. It is easy to get around the potential earning laws.
Also the law says I cannot take all of his money for child support because he needs something to live on. So even if they tried to go the potential earing route they still could not take more from him than they were giving me because of that law.
Is it fair? No, not in the least. Was there anything I could do about it? No, not at all. It would have cost me more in legal fees than I probably would have gotten from him. It would have also prolonged the divorce. So I would have spent more money and he would still get everything he got. I would not have gotten any more from him and would have waited longer to get rid of his lazy a**.
Me-I will not be getting married ever again unless I sign a pre-nup that says all my stuff is mine and all your stuff is mine too (hee, hee). After my divorce my sister told all 3 of her daughters they were not going to get any of their inheritance unless they signed pre-nups! Of course they have a squillion times more money than me so I can see why.
I figure it will take me 2 to 3 years to recover financially from the divorce and a lifetime to recover financially from the loss of my pension.
However I have recovered my sanity immediately so it was worth it.
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Not a thing kiki. I offered him many things. I offered him a legal separation so he could keep his health insurance in exchange for leaving my pension alone. He told me I could keep my f'ing insurance. He was taking my pension. He wants to hurt me for leaving. He lost his enabler and source of financial support. He needs to get back at me somehow and this is his only way because I no longer allow him to have power over me.
I already have been mad as hell but then realized there is nothing I can do and the only ones that was causing problems for was me and the kids. No one else was walking around angry and no one else cared that I was angry. I decided I could get over it and move on or carry that bitterness with me to the grave. My mom was one of the bitterest women I have ever met and she was a hideous person. I don't want to be bitter. I want MY life the way I want to live it and that meant getting rid of the anger, forgiving him (yep, I'm still working on that one--that does not mean I have to think what he did is OK but that I have to forgive him so I can move on).
Does he **** me off? About every couple weeks he tries a new jab and often sends it via the kids because I hang up when he rants and don't respond to his emails. He is who he is. I can’t change him. I try as hard as I can to five that up to my HP.
He can face the consequences of his choices as they cross his path throughout his life. He has already faced one. He no longer has health insurance. He called me the day before he was going to lose it in complete shock at how much it would cost him to go on cobra and asking me if I could find a way to keep him on my insurance. Would I reconsider and do a legal separation (the divorce was already final). My response-you made the choice you made. You wanted my pension instead of health insurance. That is what you got. He told me he would have paid half of what I pay and I said-had you chosen that and paid the small amount you had to pay--I would not give you half my pension. He got angry and hung up.
So as I said, he is suffering the consequences of wanting to "take what is his". Also, my guess is that due to his amount of debt he will grab the money from the pension and run. Another consequence that will slap him in the face is that he will then only get half of my contribution to my retirement fund and he will get a huge tax hit. If he does that he will be getting about 35% of what he is expecting to get.
They are his decisions and yes they impacted me but they will also impact him.
I have confidence that I can rebuild my life for me and my kids now that I am shed of him. He was trashing us financially when I was married to him and continues to trash himself financially now that we are divorced. It will be a slow process but it will happen. AND if I'm nice to my kids maybe they'll find me a nice affordable assisted living place (but that is something I am even looking into-long term care insurance so my kids don't have to do that.)
So as for xah—I figure this applies to him:
Galatians 6:7-8: (NIV) Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life.
xah has his choices how to live and I have mine.
I already have been mad as hell but then realized there is nothing I can do and the only ones that was causing problems for was me and the kids. No one else was walking around angry and no one else cared that I was angry. I decided I could get over it and move on or carry that bitterness with me to the grave. My mom was one of the bitterest women I have ever met and she was a hideous person. I don't want to be bitter. I want MY life the way I want to live it and that meant getting rid of the anger, forgiving him (yep, I'm still working on that one--that does not mean I have to think what he did is OK but that I have to forgive him so I can move on).
Does he **** me off? About every couple weeks he tries a new jab and often sends it via the kids because I hang up when he rants and don't respond to his emails. He is who he is. I can’t change him. I try as hard as I can to five that up to my HP.
He can face the consequences of his choices as they cross his path throughout his life. He has already faced one. He no longer has health insurance. He called me the day before he was going to lose it in complete shock at how much it would cost him to go on cobra and asking me if I could find a way to keep him on my insurance. Would I reconsider and do a legal separation (the divorce was already final). My response-you made the choice you made. You wanted my pension instead of health insurance. That is what you got. He told me he would have paid half of what I pay and I said-had you chosen that and paid the small amount you had to pay--I would not give you half my pension. He got angry and hung up.
So as I said, he is suffering the consequences of wanting to "take what is his". Also, my guess is that due to his amount of debt he will grab the money from the pension and run. Another consequence that will slap him in the face is that he will then only get half of my contribution to my retirement fund and he will get a huge tax hit. If he does that he will be getting about 35% of what he is expecting to get.
They are his decisions and yes they impacted me but they will also impact him.
I have confidence that I can rebuild my life for me and my kids now that I am shed of him. He was trashing us financially when I was married to him and continues to trash himself financially now that we are divorced. It will be a slow process but it will happen. AND if I'm nice to my kids maybe they'll find me a nice affordable assisted living place
(but that is something I am even looking into-long term care insurance so my kids don't have to do that.)So as for xah—I figure this applies to him:
Galatians 6:7-8: (NIV) Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life.
xah has his choices how to live and I have mine.
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Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 1,057
So as for xah—I figure this applies to him:
Galatians 6:7-8: (NIV) Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life.
Galatians 6:7-8: (NIV) Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life.
His consequences are now his to own.
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Join Date: Sep 2008
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Posts: 2,615
When we focus on "paying" out on someone, we more often than not, do not see the possible "side affects" of our actions. As this man's emotions took hold and he became more vicious, he didn't see the expected results waiting further down the line....for him.
All he saw was HE was paying out little, and Wife2kids was going to lose half her pension to HIM. Then reality struck with the health insurance he had thrown in her face, and lo it was him who was going to get dudded, by his own angry insane choice.
As you predict Wife, he will stuff uphis grab of your pension, and of coursehe will be the victim again, never the one responsible for wrecking himself.
Wife will keep herself and kids, just as she has all the way thru, but Glory be, without the xah being around, and that is a PRICELESS blessing. It will not take long and you will be back in the comfort zone financially, without him to syphon off as much as he greedily could manage, from your work efforts.
I hope for so many other folks sakes, from those here at SR now, to those who need help and encouragement in the future.....that you will keep posting and give us all that wonderful glimpse of someone who dusted herself off, picked herself up and started all over again.....successfully.
All he saw was HE was paying out little, and Wife2kids was going to lose half her pension to HIM. Then reality struck with the health insurance he had thrown in her face, and lo it was him who was going to get dudded, by his own angry insane choice.
As you predict Wife, he will stuff uphis grab of your pension, and of coursehe will be the victim again, never the one responsible for wrecking himself.
Wife will keep herself and kids, just as she has all the way thru, but Glory be, without the xah being around, and that is a PRICELESS blessing. It will not take long and you will be back in the comfort zone financially, without him to syphon off as much as he greedily could manage, from your work efforts.
I hope for so many other folks sakes, from those here at SR now, to those who need help and encouragement in the future.....that you will keep posting and give us all that wonderful glimpse of someone who dusted herself off, picked herself up and started all over again.....successfully.
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