TakingCharge999

I feel XABF also took away any joy I got from going to electronic music parties or nightclubs in general.

I was never a party animal but I did enjoy dancing and the music and dressing up.

Now a coworker can't mention "how much fun he had at all the weekend parties he attended" without me being bitter, resentful as I am never going back to enjoy that world anymore.

Perhaps just like indifference towards XABF one day I'll be able to go out and enjoy myself like I did before, without bad memories and indifferent to any drunks I may find?


I feel 80 years old.



Thanks for letting me vent about this.

suki44883

Good grief!! You're still quite young. Never say never! If you want to go out dancing, get some girlfriends together and go out dancing! You don't have to sit around being miserable and it's totally unfair for you to feel bitterness toward a friend who tells you about his fun weekend. You control your own destiny.

nodaybut2day

I did the party scene very young, from 16 to 24. By the age of 24, I had been to all the clubs and grew tired of the drunkeness, the same crummy music, and the same annoying people. Then I started working the party scene (as in, I was a stripper and worked 6 nights week), and it burned out whatever desire I have to go to clubs, drink, dance till closing, have greasy pizza on the way home, and sleep in till noon the next day. Working nights in a club reminded me how much I enjoy mornings after a good night's sleep.

Now at the ripe old age of 33, my "party scene" consists in going to tango schools and dancing in the milongas till 11. No later. I guess I reinvented the party scene for my own purposes, since I still LOVE to dance, but hate to drink and have pretty unpleasant reactions to alcohol. I also have an early waking toddler who likes to sit on my head if I don't wake up with her at 6 a.m. And yet, I stll find time to go "party" (as in go enjoy myself at tango) or once in a while, to go out for a nice dinner, sans kid, and have 1/3 a glass of white wine.

It just takes time to readjust things to suit your current lifestyle. Heck, I STILL get angry whenever I walk into a liquor store

Thumper

Not so much the party scene per say but I do miss having fun. I've outgrown the type of fun I had in my 20's but I haven't replaced it with any adult things so that = no adult fun. I do fun family things but it isn't quite the same.

I will never have the same kind of fun I did when I was 22. The world can be thankful for that. If I did I'd be on the other side of the alcoholism equation. It isn't even the alcohol really but just the whole thing. I don't know how old you are but maybe you are just maturing and need to look for a different kind of party scene??? Maybe there are other venues for dressing up, dancing, 'letting your hair down' with friends, etc. that would be more appealing to you now? Change is sometimes good.

Sorry you are feeling so old. I sort of get it. l was with a group of adults the other night, for the first time in a long time, and it wasn't so much that I felt old but that I just no longer knew how to relax. I don't know how to feel carefree. It seems I can't shake the seriousness that is life and always being so paranoid that I am going to do something stupid - and then by not doing or saying anything at all I get paranoid that people think I'm a weirdo for that. :agh: I already am old, lol, but it did make me feel tired. Tired in general.

TakingCharge999

Your responses help a great deal. Thank you.

TakingCharge999

Tired, that's the feeling. Perhaps its due to therapy work that also brings exhaustion??? when hurt feelings are much closer to the surface...

naive

for me, i love good music and dancing. i remember dancing in clubs, kicking off my shoes, and really having a great time. it wasn't about alcohol, it was about dancing. i liked going to the gay clubs because no one cared about picking me up there.

with xABF, sure, we were out a lot but it was always in pubs with football matches on, with me begging the bartended to lower the volume on the tv so i could put on the jukebox. no one was dancing.

or, when i visited him at the nightclub where he was the bouncer at, sure, everyone was dancing but they were totally smashed. i like dancing but i don't like dancing with a bunch of horney drunk men groping me. mind you, none of these people would dance if there were not drunk. it was just a meat market. plus, they couldn't really dance as their motor reactions were all slow and slurry.

so, as for that scene, i don't miss it at all.

i still love to dance though.

acdirito

Dear TakingCharge999, you wrote "I feel XABF also took away any joy I got from going to electronic music parties or nightclubs in general. I was never a party animal but I did enjoy dancing and the music and dressing up. Now a coworker can't mention "how much fun he had at all the weekend parties he attended" without me being bitter, resentful as I am never going back to enjoy that world anymore. Perhaps just like indifference towards XABF one day I'll be able to go out and enjoy myself like I did before, without bad memories and indifferent to any drunks I may find? I feel 80 years old."

Be careful with the being "old" comments. I believe a person is only as old as they allow themselves to be. One good example is Betty White. She's my role model as how to age gracefully and with dignity, and still enjoy life.

I do GET what you are saying, however. I still enjoy sipping some fine wine once in a while with some good friends. However, I have to be careful with my drinking so my dry drunk husband doesn't think I'm giving him a green light for him to start drinking again. Alcohol is not the problem......not knowing when to stop is the problem.

You, also, wrote "Tired, that's the feeling. Perhaps its due to therapy work that also brings exhaustion??? when hurt feelings are much closer to the surface... "

Yes, therapy and working through our emotions can be very draining of our energies. There's an old adage about working on ourselves and it says there is no gain without pain.

:ghug3

keepinon

About 6 mo ago I said at a meeting that I felt like I was recovering from some grave illness, like cancer.As I said it I realized"OH YEAH that's why they call it a family disease." Yes, you probably do feel old and tired..but that won't last forever.Emotions definately can physcially drain us.Definately start looking around for something fun to do..you might find it rejuvenates you. Maybe a new excercise class to start.a comedy show? Something that gets you back into life.But be gentle with yourself. Being around drug abuse makes you hypersensitve to peoples use. I think perhaps this too fades a little in time as our focus is removed from talking about addiction all time.

transformyself

I'm so social, I love my job. I interact with folks all the time.

Listen to Suki. You're young! These resentments, triggers, surrounding him will cease and it'll just a an afterthought. I promise.

I also like it when Suki says, "Good Grief!"

Babyblue

I still like to go out with friends to the occassional club or bar. But I don't even suggest to the RABF that we do that nor would I ever drink around him. I am well aware that the temptation or trigger would be too great. Luckily he has no problems with it and actually encourages me to stay social with my friends.

I do understand what you mean though. I look around a bar and wonder who are going to be the folks in the bar ending up in rehab or in as bad shape as the bf was. It is sobering (no pun intended).

notforgotten

Hey, I know this is an old post, but just wanted to say I know how you feel.

Before I met my ex, I used to enjoy the mild dishinhibition, fellow feeling, warm fuzzies, and heightened sense of event that would come with 2-3 glasses of wine (in company, with food, over time). That's probably at least part of what our A's are after, to be honest. Anyway, never had the habit or inclination to drink to excess, my first year of university notwithstanding.

When I was with my ex, I'd dread Friday nights particularly (which had a magic sort of license about them, for him). I eventually managed to get us to spend more of them at home to at least save, well, me, the embarrassment of getting kicked out of taxis, or having to apologize to strangers for his insults, etc. Under control. Towards the end, I'd feel a mixture of boredom and fear. Would wind up just going to bed (at, e.g., 9pm) to avoid it, and to avoid provoking him.

Now, I'm sober as a judge regardless of how much I drink, having associated it with vigilance. (In the very beginning of our relationship I'd try to keep up with him. Later I'd drink his beer so he couldn't. Pathetic. Pathetic.) I don't bother buying alcohol when I'm out anymore (waste of money, for one thing). Wind up just having sensible conversations about work or politics.

I feel paranoid around drunk people. It's like watching dangerous, short-circuited robots. Hate the look of them, even when they're safe.

But I've only been out of it for three months. Maybe it'll improve.