transformyself

I jsut spent two days in a delivery truck with the only employee we have for our newspaper-she does ad sales and administrative stuff- and discovered my business partner has been very verbally abusive to this girl.

i don't know why I thought she wouldn't be. My partner has been a screaming, horrible monster for about a month. The worst part , I think is that when you say, "stop yelling at me," she denies it and blames YOU. Sound familiar?

That's her game. Blameshifting and denial. Now I know she's been mistreating this poor girl instead of supporting her. We have a meeting scheduled for Thursday.

It's so bizarre, the process we go through. Because I've just been putting up with her BS I now have exposed this girl to it too.

I made a call when we got home on Saturday and told my partner "we're going to change the way we interact. No more blaming. We will be solution oriented, as there are so many problems we need to solve." She accepted that, but immediately started with it again when I brought up something. I had to say, "that's what I'm talking about. How are we going to fix this?"

I resent her so much right now, gotta get that down before we meet together.

It's just interesting, I see a ton of stuff here about blaming and shame. So awful, I bought into it for years. AH actually sent me a drunk text last night saying it was MY FAULT he has to ride his bike to work at 4am.

I'm surrounded by crazy people.

sailorjohn

I can relate 100%, where I am we have a lot of odd folk, and of course, would include myself.

Tally

Of course it's your fault he has to ride his bike, who's else would it be? :p

Learn2Live

Yup. Unfortunately.

Wait (sound of tires coming to a screeching halt). What? Did you catch that? (I almost missed it.) How is this YOUR responsibility T?

Not saying I have any answers here but do you see how you have taken responsibility for someone ELSE's bad behavior, tried your honorable best to fix it, and now that the badly-behaving person is not participating, you feel resentful?

Yup. But if people want to stay in denial there is nothing you can do. I've learned, say it once and then let it go. If they don't get with the program, they are OUT. I don't waste my time even listening to the blamers and the shamers anymore.

transformyself

Ugh.
Well the problem she is half owner of my business and this IS my problem. I have to make her go away, she won't change, I"m sure of that. I've been telling her for a year not to speak to me this way, now she's gone off full force on our only employee.

I'm resentful over the last two months with her. She has screamed at me in the car for taking a wrong turn and humiliated me in public. Her answer to almost any problem is NOT MY FAULT ITS YOUR FAULT.

you know that feeling you ahve when you first start to suspect you're dealing with someone who is selfish and manipulating you? That's where I am.

HoopNinja

I had that happen with someone I thought was a friend (7 years)--then she blindsided me because I would not answer one of her phone calls. She then accused me of owing her money--and I did owe her money and had asked her for over a year to let me know how much it was (she bought gorceries for me and the kids when I left xah and lived in a hotel for a week).

She started sending me hateful texts--like 4 in 5 minutes. I finally just emailed her enough with the BS. Select a number and the check will be in the mail the next day. I have had no contact with her since--of course she is not my business partner.

As an aside--and not to make light of your situation--but I ran across this book the other day Amazon.com: Winning Against the Wackos in Your Life: How to Spot Them and Stop Them in Their Tracks (9780977689583): Christina Eckert: Books: Reviews, Prices & more and bought it immediately just for laughs. But it is amazingly accurate. They have a website too Wackos in Your Life - How to spot them and stop them in their tracks

Learn2Live

Yes, I can unfortunately relate to everything you are saying. My situation was related to my job. I fought what I needed to do for two years but because my health had begun to be affected, I had to force myself to let go. This was a job I absolutely LOVED. I truly and honestly LOVED waking up in the morning because I could not wait to get to work. The sick, toxic person had to GO. It's been difficult but it has been worth it, just to get away from her.

acdirito

Dear Transformyself, Well, as I see your problem, you only have three options available to you right now. The first option is to keep the status quo by doing nothing. Option number two is by buying your business partner's share of your business. The third option is by you ending your business relationship with your difficult business partner, walking out the door, and starting your own business. You will probably give your business partner some stiff competition. With your business partner's attitude that business will probably not be operating much longer.



Only God can turn a mess into a message.

wicked

Codie Alert!
I wish i could help you transform. for me, wrong turns are learning experiences, or something to laugh about. humiliate you in public? oh no she dint!
wow, how do you stay cool?
i am sorry for this discomfort you are experiencing now, but you are making really great progress, and i am sure you will find a way.

Beth

transformyself

You're going to love this. I do at least.

I was able to "trick" her into being more compassionate. I supported her, while letting her know that we have to be only kind, supportive, and clear about expectation with our assistant.

The poor girl is ready to quit, but I think business partner will straighten up. I made it sound so romantic, compared it to raising kids and how you ahe to support them, ask if they need help, be kind and tell them I know you can do this.

I think it helped her a lot. She talked about being a control freak, about not knowing when she's talking down to people.

At one point, when I said, "I don't know if you're aware of this, but you can talk down to people and be impatient." She said, "You do that too! Everyone does." and I said, "we're talking about you right now, though."

I was SO nice to her. I can't believe it. Creator was with me, helping me.
Now these systems will be put in place. If she can't adhere to them, we'll reevaluate.

I feel better. Better than if I had choked her, which I thought for sure would be the outcome.

Learn2Live

I'm glad you're cool now Transformy.

transformyself

And I'm glad I can come here and process like that and have support from wise beings like yourself.

Now, for the Cat!
I captured him again, locked him in the old house since Thursday. Alone. With his litter box and food. I just went and got him AGAIN, but the kids went to their dads for the night, so I don't have to get up early. I"m going to take a tylenol pm and go to sleep and he can meow all he wants, I'll be able to sleep in. Hopefully this will work. He wants to go outside, that's all, but the jerk off keeps running away and going home.

My guess is when new folks move in, he won't want to be there anymore. Maybe not, who the heck knows?

For now he's back here. Hopefully I can endure his demands to be let out.

Learn2Live

Oh yeah, the cat! I forgot about him. I tried to PM you when they closed that thread to let you know I hoped you were OK and hoped I didn't say anything wrong; apparently I missed a bunch of excitement. Anyway, good for you for working that out. Pets are way too much work for me; that's why I won't get one even though I would love to have one. I vowed not to allow anyone into my daily life who cannot toilet themselves.

transformyself

Ha HA! It's working! My diabolical scheme is going so well.

Kept Snuggs alone in the old house for a few days with fresh food and water and litter.

I brought him back home and he's SO freaking happy to be around us. He's starting to pace and meow, but I'm going to make him go to sleep with me, just cuddle him. I will win I say! He will accept both staying inside and living here!

I am the all powerful Mommy!

transformyself

L2L I'm sorry you worried. No. Hell no you didn't say anything. You know me..short fuse, but you didn't say anything.

Here's his Highness.




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