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And now we know the rest of the story...

Old 10-23-2010, 08:27 PM
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And now we know the rest of the story...

As many of you know, I have been waiting on pins and needles for my sober AH to get released from jail and come home. I wanted to know what was going to happen next ~ will he start drinking again? Or has 6 months in jail (and sobriety) given him a new perspective on life and a new appreciation for his family and his home?

10 days in and he's drinking again. I'm not surprised, but I am disappointed. I really hoped that this time would be different.
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Old 10-23-2010, 08:39 PM
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10 days.

(((Sorry)))
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Old 10-23-2010, 08:42 PM
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Yeah, me too. Thanks Pelican.
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Old 10-23-2010, 08:51 PM
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I feel for you. My AH started drinking 2 days after getting out of detox.
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Old 10-23-2010, 09:49 PM
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So how are you feeling KerBearz? You OK?
Also, do you have a plan? Do you know what you want to do about this, if anything?
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Old 10-23-2010, 09:49 PM
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10 days hardly seems worth the struggle you've both been through. Ugh.

Sad but disappointed is a healthy assessment I think. A sign of good insight.

I had hard a time distinguishing emotions back with XABF. They all just seemed to mesh into one big hurt.

Stay on your path!

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Old 10-23-2010, 09:50 PM
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My daughter made it about 10 days after her first rehab. Doing better on the 2nd one tho! Sorry, but now that you have your answer whats gonna happen?
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Old 10-23-2010, 10:19 PM
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No good words... been there and know how much it hurts. Hugs to you.
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Old 10-24-2010, 12:03 AM
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I'm sorry to hear that KerBearz....and I understand the disappointment. XADFH went to court ordered rehab for 4 months and AA in lieu of gaol. He resumed drinking the day he 'graduated'. Hugs to you...
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Old 10-24-2010, 03:11 AM
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Being in a relationship with an alcholic is like we got stuck on the replay button of a video. Play it again, Sam! We live on a merry-go-round that just doesn't stop. However, we do have the power to get off the merry-go-round or as I have told the alcholic in my life, it's like talking to a door. When we get tired of talking to the door, and not getting any response from it, we always have the option of turning the knob, and walking out the door. Nobody ever promised us a bed of roses. It's not going to be easy! The changes we need to take will take us out of our "comfort zone", and we are just naturally scared of the unknown. As long as you stay in your relationship with your alcholic it will be two steps forward, one step backwards.

I hope you have been using the six months for a recovery program for yourself. "Steps don't fail me now!" I recommend you run as fast as you can away from your alcholic. I recommend you start attending as many Ala-non meetings as possible. Keep reaching out to the friends in SR. Someone here has lived it, learned from it, and survived it!



"Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising up every time we fail."
Ralph Waldo Emerson
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Old 10-24-2010, 06:27 AM
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So sorry, have you a plan?
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Old 10-24-2010, 06:27 AM
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sorry to hear that kerbearz.

i found in my relationship with my alcoholic, that i was always WAITING.

waiting for him to come off the drink, waiting for him to call, waiting for him to sober up, waiting for him to be released from jail, waiting for him to come home, waiting, waiting, waiting. i was like the loyal labrador dog, i could identify his footsteps approaching the house (where i was waiting)

as i entered recovery, i wanted to blame him for all this waiting and wasting of my life waiting.

in recovery, i began to explore, "why am i waiting?" my answer was, i'm waiting because i don't have a driver's license. i'm waiting because i don't have a social life without him (he'd pretty much shut that down by intimidating my friends), i'm waiting because i don't have any money anymore, etc.

in my relationship, gradually and insiduously, i had ended up in a position where i was waiting because i had become dependent on him for some things. this i decided i needed to change, to rely on myself more and to become truly independent and self-sufficient again.

(sitting my driving test on saturday...wish me luck!)
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Old 10-24-2010, 07:16 AM
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Originally Posted by naive View Post
i found in my relationship with my alcoholic, that i was always WAITING.

waiting for him to come off the drink, waiting for him to call, waiting for him to sober up, waiting for him to be released from jail, waiting for him to come home, waiting, waiting, waiting. i was like the loyal labrador dog, i could identify his footsteps approaching the house (where i was waiting)
I can totally identify with this, Naive. I am always waiting to see what he's going to do next and trying to prepare myself for whatever may come.

My next step is that I need to tell him that I want him to leave. He left this morning to go hunting for a couple of days, so I have a little breathing room here. As soon as he gets back, I'm going to tell him. I am just not willing to get back on the roller coaster!

I did tell him yesterday that I am no longer willing to be the wife of the town drunk ~ so, he can either decide not to be the town drunk or I can decide not to be married to him.
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Old 10-24-2010, 07:23 AM
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Originally Posted by naive View Post
(sitting my driving test on saturday...wish me luck!)
Good luck!!
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Old 10-24-2010, 07:50 AM
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What a timely thread. My AH has a young parole officer with a remnant of humanity in his soul. Put AH in a 90 day rehab instead of back in the Big House. So -- like Naive points out -- waiting --- again --- for what? --- more of the same --- have to assume more of the same because look at the responses to KB's original post. No waiting -- live as though he is never going to be other than he is. Move forward with your HP and be free. (That's advice to self not anyone else.)
I wish you serene confidence for the driving test, Naive.
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Old 10-24-2010, 09:10 AM
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I have been thinking about my/our situation today... I am trying to come to terms with feeling like I am giving up on God. I believe that God can fix this and He is choosing not to. I believe in the sanctity of marriage and that God wants people to stay together ~ so, I am asking God to restore me and husband and our marriage to sanity. My AH is asking God for the same things. Where is HE in this?

I'm not having second thoughts about having my AH leave, but giving up on God hurts.
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Old 10-24-2010, 09:16 AM
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the Path is about surrender.

requesting that god do certain things that we desire is is not surrender.

rather, it's telling god what to do.

god, in his infinite wisdom, has a plan for the evolution of each and every soul.

really, who are we to know what the plan is for ourselves or our loved ones? perhaps god has great things in store for you that you can't even imagine right now.
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Old 10-24-2010, 10:04 AM
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When my AH first left 6 weeks ago, I prayed non-stop for a miracle that God would "fix" him and our marriage could be restored. I'm finally coming to terms with the fact that God is not ignoring my prayers, he just has his own plan for both of us, which may not include the two of us remaining together.

I've finally learned to lay the situation at God's feet, instead trying to control even God and his judgment. Now instead of telling him what I think he needs to do to make the situation better, I'm asking for strength to accept that he has everything control and everything will work out for the best, even if it's not the answer I'm looking for. Once I started doing that, I've finally begun to have some inner peace instead of constantly struggling and resisting. It's still a daily challenge, but I'm gettting there.
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Old 10-24-2010, 01:38 PM
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It's tough to reconcile what one has always believed about the Lord's will for marriages, all the prayers one has offered up, all the surrendering one has done to the best of ones ability -- with what seem to be answers in direct contradiction to Divine promises. Nevertheless, I still trust He is sovereign and I accept His rulings. Ready enough to give up and God can give back whatever He deems right for me.
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Old 10-24-2010, 01:50 PM
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I think you all are on to something with this "surrender" idea... I have never thought of it in terms of trying to control God. I have always believed that God wants families to stay together, but I like the idea of giving it all up to him and he'll give back what he wants me to have. I have a lot to ponder here.

I feel like a spiritual infant.

You know, I have heard about surrender many, many times and this is the first time it felt like it actually applies to me. I guess we hear things when we are ready to hear them.
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