And now we know the rest of the story...
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Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Manchester UK
Posts: 1,017
Originally Posted by KerBearz 
I have been thinking about my/our situation today... I am trying to come to terms with feeling like I am giving up on God. I believe that God can fix this and He is choosing not to. I believe in the sanctity of marriage and that God wants people to stay together ~ so, I am asking God to restore me and husband and our marriage to sanity. My AH is asking God for the same things. Where is HE in this?
I'm not having second thoughts about having my AH leave, but giving up on God hurts.
I'm not having second thoughts about having my AH leave, but giving up on God hurts.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 1,057
Beautifully said, Naive.
KerBearz, I went through the same struggles. "Why would God not want this man to be healed so that we can be happy together and serve Him and others together?"
Honestly, in our limited human capacity, we have no idea what is best for anyone. God does, however. That's where surrender is so freeing. Admitting to ourselves that we are powerless over others, and that HP is a power greater than ourselves, allows us to find our peace. We don't have to change others, or even expect God to do so, in order to be happy.
I finally realized at one point that even though I wasn't trying to control the man in my life (we were separated by my choice), I was still trying to control the outcome through prayer. "If only he can be healed, then we can be together again and be happy."
Now I still pray for him every day, sometimes many times a day. But I don't pray for us to be together, because I don't know God's best plan for each of us. I don't pray for a certain outcome, just for him to be healed and for him to find his peace and dignity. I pray for the same things for myself. The rest of it is up to God. I gladly let him have it now.
KerBearz, I went through the same struggles. "Why would God not want this man to be healed so that we can be happy together and serve Him and others together?"
Honestly, in our limited human capacity, we have no idea what is best for anyone. God does, however. That's where surrender is so freeing. Admitting to ourselves that we are powerless over others, and that HP is a power greater than ourselves, allows us to find our peace. We don't have to change others, or even expect God to do so, in order to be happy.
I finally realized at one point that even though I wasn't trying to control the man in my life (we were separated by my choice), I was still trying to control the outcome through prayer. "If only he can be healed, then we can be together again and be happy."
Now I still pray for him every day, sometimes many times a day. But I don't pray for us to be together, because I don't know God's best plan for each of us. I don't pray for a certain outcome, just for him to be healed and for him to find his peace and dignity. I pray for the same things for myself. The rest of it is up to God. I gladly let him have it now.
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
Originally Posted by KerBearz
I think you all are on to something with this "surrender" idea... I have never thought of it in terms of trying to control God. I have always believed that God wants families to stay together, but I like the idea of giving it all up to him and he'll give back what he wants me to have.
However, God has also given man free will to use, even destructively, if he so chooses, rather than live life on a spiritual basis.
The active alcoholic is self-will run riot.
My disease is threefold-physical, emotional, and spiritual.
I had to address all three areas in order to achieve true recovery.
There's a huge difference between abstinence and sobriety.
My EXAH always had 'jail house remorse' when incarcerated. As soon as he'd get back out, it was the same old same old.
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Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: San Antonio TX
Posts: 133
"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;" Proverbs 3:5
I have felt God's presence in my life and I know that He is still in control! I suffered vascular dementia from DEC 23rd 2009 until JAN 8th 2010, and almost died. There are no drugs currently approved by the FDA to treat it. I was told that on JAN 7th a minister prayed with my husband and me. On the following day, JAN 8th, I came back into reality. The doctors had no scientific explanation as to why this happened. The only explanation it can be is by the Grace of God! On May 16th 1995, my 23 year old daughter completed suicide. It took me ten years, and two hospitalization for my grief, and subsequent, major depression before I was able to accept my daughter's completed suicide. I was prescribed anti-depressants and sleeping pills. It wasn't the hospitalization or the medication that helped me to reach acceptance of my daughter's death. It was by the grace of God! One Sunday morning during church I went forward and had the minister pray with me for my acceptance. I felt the grief being released from my body during that prayer. I now can accept the fact my daughter is in heaven with our Heavenly Father. In fact, our Heavenly Father answered my prayers and gave me exactly what I was asking for. I kept asking God to keep my daughter safe and out of harm's way. She is at peace, away from all the evil here on earth, and if I had an option, I wouldn't ask her to come back to earth and away from the joys of heaven.
I hope you can find the peace and hope that our Heavenly Father has in store for you!
:day6
God doesn't close one door without opening a better one......BUT......we've got to get our fingers out of the closing door. The reason you're in pain is because you have your fingers in a door God is trying to close.
I have felt God's presence in my life and I know that He is still in control! I suffered vascular dementia from DEC 23rd 2009 until JAN 8th 2010, and almost died. There are no drugs currently approved by the FDA to treat it. I was told that on JAN 7th a minister prayed with my husband and me. On the following day, JAN 8th, I came back into reality. The doctors had no scientific explanation as to why this happened. The only explanation it can be is by the Grace of God! On May 16th 1995, my 23 year old daughter completed suicide. It took me ten years, and two hospitalization for my grief, and subsequent, major depression before I was able to accept my daughter's completed suicide. I was prescribed anti-depressants and sleeping pills. It wasn't the hospitalization or the medication that helped me to reach acceptance of my daughter's death. It was by the grace of God! One Sunday morning during church I went forward and had the minister pray with me for my acceptance. I felt the grief being released from my body during that prayer. I now can accept the fact my daughter is in heaven with our Heavenly Father. In fact, our Heavenly Father answered my prayers and gave me exactly what I was asking for. I kept asking God to keep my daughter safe and out of harm's way. She is at peace, away from all the evil here on earth, and if I had an option, I wouldn't ask her to come back to earth and away from the joys of heaven.
I hope you can find the peace and hope that our Heavenly Father has in store for you!
:day6
God doesn't close one door without opening a better one......BUT......we've got to get our fingers out of the closing door. The reason you're in pain is because you have your fingers in a door God is trying to close.
Wipe your paws elsewhere!
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 3,672
I always know what the rest of my story will be because I write every chapter in the book of my life. If I'm not living the life I want to live, then I take action. Waiting for someone to change is an exercise in futility. Time waits for no one. I will not waste another day of my life waiting for someone to change. I want to spend all the days of my life living.
To thine own self be true.
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
Is there somewhere God has stated that a married couple must live under the same roof? If you decide you don't want him living with you, I do not see how that is going against God. But, of course, that is just my understanding. I think married couples have lived separately throughout history, but in our culture we have a very distinct idea and image of what marriage is SUPPOSED to look like, meaning, we've got pretty strong expectations of ourselves and suffer tremendous guilt, etc, when we don't meet them. I for one am glad that you are focusing on YOUR needs KerBearz.
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: england
Posts: 162
Well just to say i know exactly where you are coming from,my exabf has been in and out of jail numerous times in the 2yrs we were together and everytime he came out he drank and ended up back there and here was me sitting being loyal thinking,hoping he would change,but nothing ever changed and i had finally had enough,even though it hurts still.
Have you had enough?
Did your life feel better when he was in prison?
What do you want out of this relationship and how long have you been wanting it for but never getting it?
I asked myself these questions and came to the conclusion that even though ending it is going to be heartbraking,and totally scary i felt that staying was also heartbraking and totally scary and now although my emotions are all over the place i know that i no longer have to worry or live with someone else's addiction.
Do what you want to do,but do it with your interests at heart not his xx
YOU MATTER
YOUR IMPORTANT
YOUR NEEDS SHOULD BE MET BY YOU ALONE.
HE IS MEETING HIS NEEDS BY DRINKING,where do YOU come in to that?
Have you had enough?
Did your life feel better when he was in prison?
What do you want out of this relationship and how long have you been wanting it for but never getting it?
I asked myself these questions and came to the conclusion that even though ending it is going to be heartbraking,and totally scary i felt that staying was also heartbraking and totally scary and now although my emotions are all over the place i know that i no longer have to worry or live with someone else's addiction.
Do what you want to do,but do it with your interests at heart not his xx
YOU MATTER
YOUR IMPORTANT
YOUR NEEDS SHOULD BE MET BY YOU ALONE.
HE IS MEETING HIS NEEDS BY DRINKING,where do YOU come in to that?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 115
You can do this KerBearz! It is incredibly hard and scary. Having just moved out less than a week ago, I can tell you that it was both easier and harder than I thought it would be. I had a huge amount of anxiety leading up to leaving. I worried about what to say, and what he would say and how he would react. Once I did it, I felt relieved to no longer be dreading the actual event, and that has been a relief. Getting rid of the dread was easier than I thought it would be because once I followed through, it was instantly gone.
Now, dealing with my emotions has been harder than I expected. I think it's a grief process that you just have to go through. I was hoping that I had "pre-grieved" by detaching, but apparently I'm not done yet. But moving out has given me the opportunity to have my own time and space to process and grieve for as long as I need to. You deserve the opportunity to work through what you want and need without the constant stress of an alcoholic dominating your home life.
You're in my thoughts and prayers, and I know that you have the strength to do this!
Now, dealing with my emotions has been harder than I expected. I think it's a grief process that you just have to go through. I was hoping that I had "pre-grieved" by detaching, but apparently I'm not done yet. But moving out has given me the opportunity to have my own time and space to process and grieve for as long as I need to. You deserve the opportunity to work through what you want and need without the constant stress of an alcoholic dominating your home life.
You're in my thoughts and prayers, and I know that you have the strength to do this!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Quebec
Posts: 2,708
"I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear
I will permit it to pass over me and through me
When it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain"
You can do it! We're here to support you.
Fear is the mind-killer
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear
I will permit it to pass over me and through me
When it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain"
You can do it! We're here to support you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Upper Midwest
Posts: 220
I am doing this thing in the morning... I am going to "leap, and the net will appear" (I'm hoping that's works)
Just in case I was still wavering, God has shown me clearly tonight why I need to tell my husband to go. He really pulled out all the stops.
Prayers would help.
Just in case I was still wavering, God has shown me clearly tonight why I need to tell my husband to go. He really pulled out all the stops.
Prayers would help.
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