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Very Frustrated

Old 10-23-2010, 05:00 PM
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Very Frustrated

My AH took my son to the school football game today, then left him there with a friend as son wanted to stay for next football game. Son ended up at another friend's house and AH was going to pick him up and bring him home, then son wanted to stay longer and when we agreed on 8 pm, AH now says he cannot pick him up and when I talked to him on the phone, AH sounded like he was drinking, so I am picking up my son now. He is moving out in 8 days, no respect, I know I don't need to know where he is but this detaching is not easy when you have been married 14 years. This really blows. I know it will only get worse from here. When I asked AH why he couldn't pick him up, he never really said why, just tip toed around the answer. Idiot. Just venting, I know I should never have asked him I know he will never take responsibility.
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Old 10-23-2010, 07:53 PM
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Sorry that you had to run the family taxi since he was drinking.

I'm glad your son can trust you to be there.

I was married for 14 years to my AH. We have a child together and he was stepdad to my other two children.

Here are some things that I have tried to remember when dealing with AXH's:

Don't ask questions that you already know the answer to, like: "have you been drinking?"

Don't expect AXH's to keep promises to their children, alcohol will interfere.

Don't expect to force AXH's into active parenting during or after the divorce. The active relationship they will pursue is with alcohol.

The upside: your children will know that they can count on you to be there and take care of them.

Vent away. We know how frustrating this can be.

(((hugs)))

{edited to add: AXH (alcoholic ex husband) can also mean AXW (alcoholic ex wives)}
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Old 10-23-2010, 07:57 PM
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[QUOTE=Pelican;2745334]

Don't ask questions that you already know the answer to, like: "have you been drinking?"


WHY do we do that?

great words of wisdom, Pelican.
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Old 10-23-2010, 08:00 PM
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Originally Posted by jackthedog View Post
My AH took my son to the school football game today, then left him there with a friend as son wanted to stay for next football game. Son ended up at another friend's house and AH was going to pick him up and bring him home, then son wanted to stay longer and when we agreed on 8 pm, AH now says he cannot pick him up and when I talked to him on the phone, AH sounded like he was drinking, so I am picking up my son now. He is moving out in 8 days, no respect, I know I don't need to know where he is but this detaching is not easy when you have been married 14 years. This really blows. I know it will only get worse from here. When I asked AH why he couldn't pick him up, he never really said why, just tip toed around the answer. Idiot. Just venting, I know I should never have asked him I know he will never take responsibility.
Jackthedog,

that has to be very tough. it must be hard to accept that he is not the parent he should be to his child. I have not been in that situation, but it must hurt you for your child.

Thank goodness your son has one sober, responsible parent.

hugs,
chicory
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Old 10-24-2010, 05:42 AM
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Dear Jackthedog, you wrote "......AH sounded like he was drinking, so I am picking up my son now. He is moving out in 8 days, no respect, I know I don't need to know where he is but this detaching is not easy when you have been married 14 years. This really blows. I know it will only get worse from here. When I asked AH why he couldn't pick him up, he never really said why, just tip toed around the answer. Idiot. Just venting, I know I should never have asked him I know he will never take responsibility."

Be thankful for small miracles. Be thankful your AH, after he has been drinking, won't be driving your son home. Be thankful your marriage with your AH only lasted 14 years. Be thankful your crazys with your AH will soon be over when he moves out in 8 days.

Alcohol affects each member of the family. Unfortunately, its far-reaching affects result in not only physical problems for the alcoholics, but also may result in physical and psychological problems for other members of our families. Treatment is complicated and often is not completely successful. Even if the alcoholic himself ultimately reforms, our family members who were so greatly affected may not themselves ever recover from the problems inflicted upon them.

:ghug3

Serenity is not freedom from the storm but peace amid the storm!
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