so furious and exhuasted
 

I have been taking care of AH cat since we separated aug 2009. When I left town for two weeks last may, AH stayed at my house iwth the kids and let the ******* thing out every night.

so, when I got home, he would MEOW and LOUDLY every night until I let him out. I tried resetting his clock, tried keeping him in but seriously? **** that thing. He wakes me up every night and I don't care WHO you are if you're going to do that you don't get to live in my house.

I moved again, just around the corner and have gone over to the old house, trapped him, brought him to the new house, he sleeps for two days and then starts SCREAMING at about 3am until I get up and ******* throw him out. He disappears for up to 5 days, then i find him at the old house, trap him. Repeat.

Last night was the last straw. He keeps waking me up. I;m telling AH he needs to deal with him. Go get that ******* and keep him yourself. I'm exhausted and don't need this ********.

I' furious about this. I realized I'm transferrring all sorts of **** from AH onto this stupid cat. He takes off, is gone for days, keeps me from getting sleep by acting like a ******* idiot.

And I feel guilty, but seriously, this is not my problem. Nothing, no one that wakes me up consistently for weeks gets to live with me, i don't care if you're George Clooney.

I know this will set off the cat lovers, but please don't lecture me. HE'S NOT MY CAT. I'm so pissed right now, trapped that dumb ass yesterday, brought him home, he slept all day then woke me up at 4:40 TWENTY ******* MINUTES BEFORE MY ALARM WENT OFF. I threw him out. That's what he wanted anyway, I'm not going to look for him. **** that guy. He can keep running off. AH can chase him down and deal with him screaming all ******* night IN HIS HOUSE.



Grrrrrrrr,,.....

I love cats,
I am, I think permanently looking after exAH's cat, and no it doesn't get to wake me up either. If I don't end up buying a place, I am going to have to give up both cats as there is no way I will be able to rent with children and cats round here. We get to choose who we live with, that includes non-humans. His cat, he can go and get it, and rehome it.

Thanks Jen
It's a sick relationship between myself and this cat. I love him, he's been in our family for 6 years, but Jesus on a pogo stick! Enough is enough. I realized this morning I seriously resent him, not only for waking me, but for the hassle it is to worry about if he's ok, chase after him, getting him in the car is a nightmare, he claws the bejesus out of me.

Being woke consistently every night is one of the things I absolutely refuse to endure. I can't! It makes me a bad mommy, bad person in general.

I think there is all kinds of other crap going on with me too that I'm trying to let go of, but it's increasingly more difficult.

A friend who wants to date me for one-he's kind, brilliant and a very good person but a) I dont' have TIME to date seriously, and b) I'm not attracted to him. I have this weird guilt about not being attracted to him because his face is disfigured from cancer. He's got a glass eye and scars.

So i hve this internal dialogue with myself most of the day,

the guilty voice saying "You shouldn't be so mad at Snuggs (the cat) and go get him again and just endure his yowing till it stops.

My justifying voice says: **** you! I am not dealing with that guy anymore. He keeps me awake! AH can go get him and try to deal with him finally.

Then Guilty Voice Says: you're just not attracted to G because he's got a physical handicap, you're being discriminatory. You're shallow and superficial.

My justifying voice (or maybe it's the validating voice?) says, YOU'RE CRAZY. His appearnance creeps me out and I don't have the time or desire to date anyone, let alone someone I can't look at!

Why am I torturing myself? I have enough people already doing that!!

Okay, transform, I think I get what you're saying. For me, it's about RESENTMENT. Oh yeah, that old "friend" has popped up a bit in the last few days, and the way it comes up is in me taking things to heart that have nothing to do with me.

The cat is not about you, but wow, I get that the furball has triggered all kinds of difficult stuff. Lack of sleep (remember HALT--that "tired" part is important!) can really get us going. Self-judgement is there in the form of guilt, right? At least, that's how I read it. I say, so what that you're not attracted to G...you have a friend and maybe you're not ready to make any decisions about anything other than putting one foot in front of the other right now.

You're okay, just exactly as you are. The cat isn't yours. Snuggs has his own HP, and so does G., and so do you. All will be well.

What I have to do when I feel this way is NOTHING other than take care of myself. Actually, that's all I have to do at any point in time, but sometimes I forget. :) I call moments like that my reminders that I need to repeat the 3rd step over and over...

Hugs,
posie

is the cat fixed?

my sleep is too important to my well being to let anyone (other than newbie babies..and I am too old for that) to mess it up.

I really wouldn't have a choice..the cat would have to go.

Cat is fixed. And yes, I'm exhausted and pissed. But Posies right, THANK YOU. I can leave all these fools to their own HP, including Dr. Snuggs. **** him, he keeps running off anyway.

You DO NOT have to feel guilty about not wanting to date a guy you're not attracted to. Period. If you're not attracted, you're not attracted.

Seriously, would it fair to HIM to date him out of guilt? No. He deserves fair play.

Toss out the guilt, and get rid of the cat. You can still love the cat...from a distance.

All right I'll bite. What does the cat being fixed or not have to do with anything?

Well, if the cat is fixed, at least he isn't out impregnating a bunch of female cats, thereby adding to the homeless stray kitten population. ;)

And to add to was Suki said ,the cat would also not be meowwing like mad if it was fixed. When a cats in heat, it howls, so this is why I asked.

An animal has feelings so it prob knows you hate it. Things cannot grow (they wilt) when they don't get/feel love

I would hate any animal that wasn't a human baby that damaged my health and well being...I have my priorities and the main one is me. Plus Transform has kids.

It wasn't even her cat to begin with but she took it in...

I, too, would say enough is enough.

And I wouldn't feel badly about it for even a second.

And I reckon it will come back to haunt her again when it is hungry.

It's not an IT, it's a living being.

I work in a shelter and see how animals are treated like ITS all the time and let me tell it's f*cking sick!

You can respect yourself and kids, but not at the expense of another living being.
Find him/her a good home if it's that annoying.

Cats don't like to move. Can you ask the house new owners if they want a cat? That is what I did. The cat kept walking across town to the old house. We got him twice. Then we talked to the people. They kept him. He did not want to move.

oh, for crying out loud!

We also had a kitty and she was spoiled and loved us to a fault.

And I have also lived on a farm with farm cats.

Sounds like you're triggered.
Simply because I call a cat and it...and understood Transform's frustration and consequent boundaries..

Please do the decent thing and find a good home for the cat that you hate.

Geez, people. Get a grip!

I am an animal lover, too. But, part of recovery for me has been getting my priorities straight. So, taking care of myself and my children is definitely higher on my priority list than taking care of a cat. If there is a conflict in those priorities, the cat loses. Just the way it is.

It also sounds to me like a case of taking on responsibility that wasn't yours to begin with. So, good on you for recognizing that and handing it back to AH, where it belongs. His cat, his responsibility. No guilt. :)

As far as dating goes, you get to pick who you date. Just because somebody wants to date you, doesn't mean you are obligated to go out with them. Again, no guilt.

L

Transform...my guy is a cat lover.

He says it is near impossible to keep a grown cat with a taste for the outside (which is perfectly natural) to be happy kept indoors.

And yes I see all three of your clearly stated boundaries.