How do you really accept it's over????

Old 10-20-2010, 08:53 AM
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How do you really accept it's over????

Since my ex moved out 3.5 months I told him I would no longer watch himself destroy himself....My feelings are all over the map. My head is convinced that I made the right choice but the heart isn't quite there yet. I had for the most part detached for about a year before. My counsellor told me he knew I was rejecting him, and that is why he is so angry at me. It is not like he has ever asked to come back in fact we go weeks without speaking. I am still not sure why he called last?? I don't really feel he was wanting me to ask him back but perhaps he is just curious as I am no longer trying to control/get him to stop drinking. How do you really let go of someone that you have shared 30 years of your life with??? Lately I have had some really bad days and feel like what is there to look forward to?? I am a strong person and I really hate to feel sad... It's like I am waiting for something to happen???? When do you give up total hope that they will realize what they lost and try to help themselves? I would say I am about 70% there but still that little bit of hope and I hate that.
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Old 10-20-2010, 09:14 AM
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Westbank....3.5 months isn't a lot of time to grieve the demise of a relationship. Be kind to yourself...heck, you assess that you're already 70% of the way there. That's HUGE!

There will come a time where you won't wait for something to happen on his side of things, and you'll just start taking action on your side.

To help me remind myself WHY it was over, I wrote a long list of the things I couldn't accept and that happened regularly in the relationship. I held onto the list for a long while, re-reading it whenever I felt I wavered.
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Old 10-20-2010, 06:40 PM
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Waving ta ta to 30 years of one's life is not a small act, and causes a lot of heartache, grief and often, some doubt. It is not something we just get over in a few weeks, or even months.

I gets easier to cope with, but it takes time and we revisit different emotions over again, which can be uncomfortable, and can lead to us thinking we may be stuck. You will move on, at the pace your body and mind set for you.
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Old 10-20-2010, 09:37 PM
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Time heals...

I do believe that at 3.5 months of separation I inadvertantly watched a "cute" romantic comedy where the guy screws up, realizes it in the nick of time, and redeems himself to the delight of all.

I wrote myself an email that night that I've looked back on several times. I swore no more romantic comedies for awhile. I made a list of all the things he'd need to fix before I'd even consider taking him back. I make promises to take care of ME first.

I have reread it several times, especially at low points. Healing and recovering is a process. I was with him for nearly half my life, and now that we've been separated for over a year, I am slowly moving on. (We go to mediation next week, and hopefully can work out something to get this divorce over with.)

Be gentle. Three months seems like forever, but is only the start. Take care of you.

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Old 10-22-2010, 01:47 PM
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I agree with the list making, I need to do that. My counselor wants me to make it then burn it up, but I think I need some "support" when I am weak and don't remember things the way they were!
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Old 10-22-2010, 02:23 PM
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LOL..I have a copy of something that my aabf wrote and it is about 10 years old.

I ran across it when moving..and I didn't throw it away.

I only read it when I run across it but that reminder is good for me at times.
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Old 10-22-2010, 02:35 PM
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I believe the last to die is the dream.
The heart does heal or in some cases accepts, but it sounds like you just need more time.
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