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I am so effing scared right now.

Old 10-19-2010, 07:09 PM
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fumbling towards normalcy
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I am so effing scared right now.

I am 10 minutes (!) away from telling my AH that I am leaving him. And I am freaking out waiting for him to get home.

I am just thinking about my daughter and how this is necessary for her and for me to live normally.

Please send any good vibes, thoughts, prayers, my way if you're so inclined. I could use them.
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Old 10-19-2010, 07:13 PM
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mucho mojo coming your way.

Some breathing exercises that have helped me:

Deep breaths in: (quietly chanting: " peacefulness in")

Long slow exhales out: (quietly chanting: "fears out")

Breathe.

This reminder:

Expect the best, but prepare for the worst.
Be prepared to exit quickly if he becomes aggressive.
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Old 10-19-2010, 07:13 PM
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Do what I do, feel the fear and do it anyway. You are one strong woman remember? You are a MOM! Look at all you have accomplished in life! You can do this. We are standing right behind you. Take the best possible care of you that you possibly can.
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Old 10-19-2010, 07:13 PM
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Hi cambi,
I have been praying for courage and guidance on a daily basis for quite a while now. I'll send some your way :-)
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Old 10-19-2010, 07:15 PM
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Yes, I agree with Pelican: Safety first. If the conversation escalates and your instincts tell you there is danger call 911 and get away from him.
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Old 10-19-2010, 07:19 PM
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You'll look back on this day in gratitude for taking action on your own and your daughter's behalf. In my friend's word, "no guts, no story....." Sending good vibes your way!
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Old 10-19-2010, 07:23 PM
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Good vibes, prayers, thoughts, all on their way.

Be brave and do what must be done. We all got your back.
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Old 10-19-2010, 07:26 PM
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I found an inner strength and calm I did not know I possessed when I told my AH I was leaving. Maybe L2L is right, mom power?!

I walked into the living room where my AH was watching TV. I calmly asked him if he would turn down the TV volume so I could speak to him a minute.

He did.

I told him that I was leaving him.

calmly.

A question from him

A calm reply from me

A smart arse remark from him

And I exited the room as the TV volume went back up.

(((Hugs)))
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Old 10-19-2010, 07:29 PM
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Any woman who has birthed a child, IMO, needs to HONOR herself every day. So yes, Mom Power!!! Super Moms activate!!!
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Old 10-19-2010, 07:41 PM
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hugs and prayers and good wishes coming your way for peace and calm in the days ahead.
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Old 10-19-2010, 07:53 PM
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I pray for your strength, and serenity, and peace in the moments and hours and days ahead.
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Old 10-19-2010, 08:02 PM
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good vibes shooting your way, cambi.

and WELCOME to sober recovery!! you have hit on a really great site. we will support you. come as often as you'd like.

how's it going now?
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Old 10-19-2010, 08:04 PM
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Originally Posted by Yngwie66 View Post
Hi cambi,
I have been praying for courage and guidance on a daily basis for quite a while now. I'll send some your way :-)
WELCOME you, too, Yngwie!

Consider starting a new thread and introducing yourself. What brings you here; how can we help?
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Old 10-19-2010, 08:29 PM
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Thanks everyone.

I had my phone on me in case he lost it. I told him that I loved him, but that our daughter and I would not be moving with him, because we could no longer live with his addiction. He tried to tell me that I didn't know what I was talking about, and I told him that I knew about his vodka water bottle in the hall closet, that I knew he had been drinking on Sunday, and that I couldn't put our daughter at risk (he tried to take her in the car with him to the store). That shut him up pretty quickly.

Overall though, he took it fairly calmly, which made it a little tougher. He told me that he loved me and that he knew he had to get some long-term sobriety behind him. He asked if he could still see our daughter (which I won't deprive him of, but it will be on my terms not his, and he will have to prove his sobriety, always be supervised, and there will be no driving whatsoever). He then left, and was crying in the other room.

I'm actually more worried about tomorrow now, as I bet that's when the anger sets in.

On top of that, tomorrow I get the joy of telling my parents. The fun just never ends around here.
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Old 10-19-2010, 08:31 PM
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Be strong. And hang in there. We're here for you.
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Old 10-19-2010, 08:45 PM
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It will get better, trust me. I dreaded telling family, too, but after an initial moment of shock and disappointment (natural enough), they were very supportive.
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Old 10-19-2010, 08:47 PM
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Good for you!! He tried to tell you a tall tale and that you didn't know what your own eyes were telling you and you shut it down. You said what you meant, but you didn't say it mean. In fact your focused on what was best for you and your daughter and NOT what he should do or what's best for him. Clearly, he knows that already, right?

Of course, things will start to sink in tomorrow. Stay strong!!

Alice
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Old 10-19-2010, 09:28 PM
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Praying for you and gifts of strength, power and wisdom to head your way, for dealing with family and Ah, when he is over the initial shock.

Now he knows you have not been fooled by his little game of hidey, and that you mean business, especially where your child is concerned. Telling you it is your imagination, and it isn't happening has been blown out of the water, so now he needs to try something else. I do hope he doesn't turn unpleasant, but if he does, then call on family, friends or if you need them, the police for support......and stay firm in your defence of your child's future.
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Old 10-19-2010, 10:17 PM
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WELL DONE!!! how are you feeling? your own approval is the only one that matters.
Thank you for protecting your precious daughter.
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Old 10-20-2010, 03:20 AM
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hi cambi-

wondering how things are going for you?

naive
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