celticghirl

Hi folks, well i think the last time i was on here was back in august and my exabf was in jail well i chose to stand by him and he got out last tuesday.

He is now back in.

5days he lasted

Throughout his time in prison he promised to stay off the drink and when he got out i went and met him and he took me to his house and when i got there he pulled out drink knowing that once he got me there i had no option to leave, so that night he hit me and held me there like a hostage knowing i would be too scared to run from him(not that he would have given me the chance anyway)

I managed to get away as i told him i needed to go home and that if he waits round the corner for me i promise to come back out,so i goes in my house and called the cops straight away,he waited ten minutes and then smashed the window and the cops eventually got him,he is now in jail for breach of restraining order and breaching the terms of his licence and obviously smashing the window.

I feel ashamed that i put my trust in him again,ashamed that i have ignored my gut feeling back in august to never go near him again but then i am also glad it has happened because it has now shown me that i have really had enough now and i definetly will not be going back.

I am not saying that i wont have my moments but i am quite sure of myself this time that i no longer want this abusive violent man in my life.

Aside from the alcohol he is an abuser and i have been reading up on abusers and how they operate and have realised that there was plenty of red flags even when he was sober that i refused to see.

I refused to see him in this way but i now do and that i am extremely glad of,geez it took me long enough!

I thought i would update you all that have followed my hell and those of you who havent or are new then feel free to read my earlier posts.

I feel crappy at the moment but probably more crappy with myself for prolonging the agony that i have suffered,and i would just like to say thankyou for this wonderfull place as it has taught me a lot.

I have a lot of work to do on myself and i know i have a long way to go and i will have days when i miss the crazy idiot but i now know i have had enough and for the moment that is good enough for me.

xx

Pelican

I am glad you survived the encounter. You are lucky.

Please take care of yourself. You matter.

LexieCat

Glad you are safe, now.

Please contact a DV counselor and make a safety plan NOW. He won't stay in jail that long for violating the order, I assume.

Is he on parole? Will this arrest violate that?

celticghirl

Hi i found out today that he got 20 weeks in jail so he will do 10 weeks which gives me time to get all the support i need and get my head sorted.

not a very long time but i have this restraining order so on his own head be it if he decides to come back and do it again.

naive

hi celtic ghirl-

when my xABF did similar, the police at that time gave me a domestic violence counselor...i think they called it witness protection or something like that...did they offer this to you?

they also offered to install in my flat a buzzer...all i needed to do was press this button and they would come immediately...they paid for the installation...

the main thing now is that you keep yourself safe...reach out to all of the resources available to you...

if you don't feel safe when he gets out, you can go to the council's homeless office...i did this...they offered me all sorts of options...they would move me somewhere else...they would put me in a safe shelter out of town...

i decided to stay in town, but when mine got out, i definately mixed up my patterns to confuse him...i changed my phone number...i took different routes...went to different places...always left a light on in the house...always put on the outside light to illuminate the yard...

you have 2 and a half months to make your safety plan. any ideas?

naive

celticghirl

Hi yes i am planning on going to see the domestic violence centre in my area,1 to definetly get counselling and 2. to maybe get some sort of panic alarm because i know that he wont give up as he has seen me go back to him so many times and when i dont he is not going to be happy,i know i have to do something this time instead of just hoping it will all go away.

i need help to be stronger so that i stay away from this halfwit! xx

naive

celtic girl-

it was the police who financed the buzzer, not the dv people.

as for counseling, i went to my GP, told him of the assault and was assigned a psychiatrist that way.

naive

celticghirl

ok thanks i will get on to the police.

i am also thinking about reinforced windows but i am aware that it would cost a lot of money which i dont have. im not sure the council or the police would fund this but that is what worries me more because he throws concrete slabs through the windows without warning and it could hit any of us at any time.

i spose i really need to speak to the police about these things.

naive

hi celticghirl-

yes, please do talk to the police and get that buzzer installed.

i don't think they will pay to reinforce the windows, tho.

i found bright light outside my flat the best way to keep him away. such men like darkness and if your close or garden is brightly lit, they'll get seen.

again, you could talk to the homeless people and they will help you move somewhere else.

the main thing is to keep yourself safe. as you know, it can all go down in a minute and don't be like me and end up with broken bones.

when you talk to the police, see if they can put a restraining order on him to keep away from you and your flat. i didn't think this would make a difference to mine, but it did and he stayed away.

the main thing is to keep yourself safe. keep reaching out to resources available to you...there is a lot of help out there and the police take domestic violence very seriously.

naive