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He Just Went Into Detox 48 Hours Ago...

Old 10-19-2010, 11:59 AM
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He Just Went Into Detox 48 Hours Ago...

Hello all. What a wonderfully caring group of people you are. I am thankful I found you!

As I said above, my ABF of six months went into the hospital for acute detox less than 48 hours ago. He is taking Ativan 1-2 mg on a schedule and is doing pretty well. He is sleeping a lot, of course. He says he feels a little shakey but his vital signs are stellar. I was able to talk him into a shower a couple of hours ago when I went to see him. It made him feel better and he ate some lunch too. I assume he'll be in another 2-3 days. The nurse practitioner (psych) who came in while I was there today seems to be taking a very conservative approach to his discharge. We originally hoped to get him into the Stress Center at the hospital but they had no beds. He was (is) at such high risk for dt's they decided to admit him to the main hospital and, from what she said today, plan to keep him through his detox.

My main concern right now is that he is not going to want to follow up with intensive outpatient therapy since he hasn't been in the Stress Center and hasn't gotten the benefit of any preliminary counseling or group therapy. I think he is just going to want to get out, go home and start back in to AA. As he is not currently working, I fear he will have too much time on his hands and will relapse. He had eight years of sobriety but that ended over ten years ago. He claims that he knows what he's doing and that AA was his lifeline back then and it can be again.

Any words of wisdom for me???
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Old 10-19-2010, 12:22 PM
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Though I have no experience with a loved one being in detox, all I can say is this:

Step away from the alkie and give him the dignity of finding recovery himself. By attempting to intervene, help (manipulate), you rob him of that dignity. Furthermore, there's nothing you can do or say (or not do or not say) that can prevent a relapse.

Focus on yourself, go to Al-Anon and let HP stear this rig.
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Old 10-19-2010, 01:29 PM
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Welcome. I don't have experience with detox but I can assure you that you have come to the right place and we're glad you are here.

I don't know if you're familiar with AlAnon but it has helped me tremendously. Maybe you have a meeting you can go to for some face to face help. It's very therapeutic to talk about it all in a room of people who have been through the same thing.
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Old 10-19-2010, 05:09 PM
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Originally Posted by masuhanley View Post
Any words of wisdom for me???
The three C's of addiction:

You did not Cause this
You can not Control this
You will not Cure this

Hi and Welcome to the SR family!

You will find loads of support and information here for yourself. Your ABG (Alcoholic Boy Friend) needs help and support from professionals and others experienced with recovery from alcoholism.

This is his addiction and he is in control of his recovery. AA has helped many people stay sober (even if they failed after their first efforts). There are other programs available in most communities. Bottom line: it is his choice.

You may find information and resources for yourself here and at face to face Alanon meetings. They are 12 step support groups for friends and family members of alcoholics.

This website was a big part of my own recovery from alcoholism. This Friends and Family Forum kept me sane as I struggled with my spouses alcoholism after achieving my own sobriety.

Here is a link that contains some steps that have helped us:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-problem.html

Please keep reading and posting as needed. We are here to support you.
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Old 10-19-2010, 05:33 PM
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Rehab or IOP isn't a magic bullet. Plenty of people can, and do, get sober and stay sober with only AA. Plenty of those people also have "lots of time on their hands."

Your moral support is important to him, but you need to take care of yourself, first and foremost. I second the idea of getting involved in Al-Anon. It will help keep you focused on what is your business and keep him out of his (and I know how hard that can be!).
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Old 10-19-2010, 10:07 PM
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I spent nearly 18 years trying to "help" my RABF to sober up and stay sober,. Ha Ha.

Probably went thru 200 or more times when he went thru detox at home, only for him to get back on the drink later on.

I finally got tired of the same old cr*p, and left him to do whatever, keeping my hands out of it completely, even going No Contact for over a month.

He gave up trying to contact me, went for help for himself and has been responsible for his sobriety since then.

He is proud of himself, and I am proud of him for not buckling under some severe pressure. He has his dignity intact, because I left him to manage his own life and business.....at long last.

Moral support and love yes, being a prop...no.
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Old 10-20-2010, 04:26 AM
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Originally Posted by Pelican View Post
Your ABG (Alcoholic Boy Friend).
ooops,

ABF was intended
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Old 10-20-2010, 05:58 AM
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i agree with all the advice given here...hands off his recovery!

that said, i think he has a very good plan. i know many people who have been successful with AA, with decades of sobriety...
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Old 10-20-2010, 08:21 AM
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Hello Masuhanley, and welcome to SR!

I am a recovering codependent and a recovering alcoholic/addict.

I drank again after 4 years clean/sober.

I was the single parent of a 12 year old and a 2 year old.

Treatment wasn't an option for me. When I was sick and tired of being sick and tired, I drug my carcass up that long flight of steps to my home AA group and started all over again.

I celebrated 20 years clean/sober this past August.

I highly recommend you find Alanon meetings in your area. A program of recovery for yourself from the effects of his alcoholism will benefit you greatly.

Get your hands on a book called "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie.

None of my family has chosen to work a program of recovery for themselves, and that has been very difficult for me over the years.

The best help you can be to him is to work a program of recovery for yourself.

I hope you continue to post and know you are among friends who understand.
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Old 10-20-2010, 11:26 AM
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Thanks to all for the encouragement. Accepting the idea of letting him control his own recovery feels like a weight waiting be lifted off my shoulders. I know it will not be easy to be "hands off" (I am an RN, after all!), but it will be the best for him and for me, I'm sure. I will find an Al-Anon group to attend as well. Thanks again, and I will keep in touch.
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Old 10-20-2010, 06:32 PM
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Honey, us nurses are perfect Codies.....it seems almost a necessary evil. I guess if we weren't programmed to care, we wouldn't be enthused with nursing.
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