Flying by the seat of my pants...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
Flying by the seat of my pants...
There have been several posts today I have read that brought this behavior to mind, and God knows I flew by the seat of my pants in active alcoholism/addiction, and many years into recovery when I refused to address my codependency issues.
I never had a plan, a solid plan that would benefit me emotionally and spiritually.
I would pray, or hope, and that was the extent of it. I was flying by the seat of my pants.
Yesterday my 22 year old announced she is moving out the 1st of November. That came with mixed emotions.
She went straight from living with me to jumping into a live-in relationship with an ABF and his codependent mother.
After he kicked her out, I let her come back home.
She currently has no job. She has 4 horses to care for, pasture rent, farrier bills, hay/grain, vet bills, 2 dogs, 5 cats, and a ferret.
She invested a good sum of the trust fund money she received earlier this year.
She's continually been whittling away at that for several months in order to pay her truck insurance, bought a motorcycle (which added more vehicle insurance), has a fairly high cellphone bill to pay each month, and add in animal care.
I knew she was going to look at a small house just one block from me yesterday. She decided to take it.
She's taking a huge lump sum out of the investments to pay 6 months of rent in advance.
She has a bed...that's it, no other furniture, no cookware, no dishes, no linens, no towels, no lamps, no vacuum cleaner (it's all carpeted), no washer/dryer, nada. She lucked out and a stove/refrigerator was left behind by prior renters that the landlord said she could have.
She needs everything for that place. She is going to have to fence in the back yard out of her own pocket for the dogs.
The rent there is the same as my 2 story 4 bedroom house. There will be a deposit required for gas service, city bill (electric/water/sewage), trash service will be needed.
I told her plan on a grand minimum just for rent/utilities per month.
I also asked her what she was thinking since she has no job.
Her reply? "Something will come along!"
Maybe it will, maybe it won't.
What I do know is flying by the seat of my pants is no longer an option. I also know she has the right to make the choices she's making, in spite of what I might think.
I did my part in lending a helping hand when things went south with her ABF.
Now she can go find out just how tough it is living on her own completely and having to pay every single thing herself.
Personally I will be glad to have my house back to myself again. I'll continue to make solid plans and leave her to walk her own path.
I never had a plan, a solid plan that would benefit me emotionally and spiritually.
I would pray, or hope, and that was the extent of it. I was flying by the seat of my pants.
Yesterday my 22 year old announced she is moving out the 1st of November. That came with mixed emotions.
She went straight from living with me to jumping into a live-in relationship with an ABF and his codependent mother.
After he kicked her out, I let her come back home.
She currently has no job. She has 4 horses to care for, pasture rent, farrier bills, hay/grain, vet bills, 2 dogs, 5 cats, and a ferret.
She invested a good sum of the trust fund money she received earlier this year.
She's continually been whittling away at that for several months in order to pay her truck insurance, bought a motorcycle (which added more vehicle insurance), has a fairly high cellphone bill to pay each month, and add in animal care.
I knew she was going to look at a small house just one block from me yesterday. She decided to take it.
She's taking a huge lump sum out of the investments to pay 6 months of rent in advance.
She has a bed...that's it, no other furniture, no cookware, no dishes, no linens, no towels, no lamps, no vacuum cleaner (it's all carpeted), no washer/dryer, nada. She lucked out and a stove/refrigerator was left behind by prior renters that the landlord said she could have.
She needs everything for that place. She is going to have to fence in the back yard out of her own pocket for the dogs.
The rent there is the same as my 2 story 4 bedroom house. There will be a deposit required for gas service, city bill (electric/water/sewage), trash service will be needed.
I told her plan on a grand minimum just for rent/utilities per month.
I also asked her what she was thinking since she has no job.
Her reply? "Something will come along!"
Maybe it will, maybe it won't.
What I do know is flying by the seat of my pants is no longer an option. I also know she has the right to make the choices she's making, in spite of what I might think.
I did my part in lending a helping hand when things went south with her ABF.
Now she can go find out just how tough it is living on her own completely and having to pay every single thing herself.
Personally I will be glad to have my house back to myself again. I'll continue to make solid plans and leave her to walk her own path.
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
(((Devon)))
I think she has a terrific mom as a role model.
She may be flying out the door by the seat of her pants.
She may fall flat on her arse.
Her choice.
That gal of yours will likely dust herself off and start again a little wiser for the experience.
I know I learned my lessons the hard way - after I made the mistakes.
Hugs and prayers to you as you let her fly!
I think she has a terrific mom as a role model.
She may be flying out the door by the seat of her pants.
She may fall flat on her arse.
Her choice.
That gal of yours will likely dust herself off and start again a little wiser for the experience.
I know I learned my lessons the hard way - after I made the mistakes.
Hugs and prayers to you as you let her fly!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Quebec
Posts: 2,708
Your post came at just the right time Freedom....because I'm right at this very moment writing out a projected budget to see if I can afford to get a mortgage with my parents (we want to buy a duplex together so that DD can be close to her grandparents and so I can help them out if need be), based on my current salary and expenses. It's SCARY because I've never had a set budget before, but your post reminded me of the importance of planning things out...it'll be my first time living on my own with a toddler and my first time having a mortgage to pay for. Aieeee!
Thank you for your post!
Thank you for your post!
Awakening
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Beautiful Texas hillcountry
Posts: 1,272
Originally Posted by Pelican 
(((Devon)))
I think she has a terrific mom as a role model.
She may be flying out the door by the seat of her pants.
She may fall flat on her arse.
Her choice.
That gal of yours will likely dust herself off and start again a little wiser for the experience.
I know I learned my lessons the hard way - after I made the mistakes.
Hugs and prayers to you as you let her fly!
I think she has a terrific mom as a role model.
She may be flying out the door by the seat of her pants.
She may fall flat on her arse.
Her choice.
That gal of yours will likely dust herself off and start again a little wiser for the experience.
I know I learned my lessons the hard way - after I made the mistakes.
Hugs and prayers to you as you let her fly!
Some times you gotta leap, THEN the net appears.
BTW, what's this PLAN thing you speak of?
Thanks and God bless us all,
Coyote
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
2 years already without furniture.. yes...there are worse things. One can call it the "Japanese lifestyle" sleeping on the floor and eating with a small table on the floor, too like they do...
Thanks for the lesson in here Freedom...
Today I am in "victim mode" and this post helped me realized I have made mistakes but also all the power is in me to come back to a place of serenity and things are not as huge as I think they are. Living alone will make her grow..... also, does this mean she is no longer with the ABF? I wish she left him... perhaps after she feels the serenity and peace she can compare that with how she feels when with ABF and decide its not so bad to be alone after all ... in any case its her life, as you say! Good dettachment work!!
Thanks for the lesson in here Freedom...
Today I am in "victim mode" and this post helped me realized I have made mistakes but also all the power is in me to come back to a place of serenity and things are not as huge as I think they are. Living alone will make her grow..... also, does this mean she is no longer with the ABF? I wish she left him... perhaps after she feels the serenity and peace she can compare that with how she feels when with ABF and decide its not so bad to be alone after all ... in any case its her life, as you say! Good dettachment work!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
Coyote, the plan is working my program of recovery in all areas, completing my college education, and continuing to network for employment.
I'm seriously thinking of taking an extra semester of college to get in a Visual Basic class, which would come in handy for freelance programming at home. There are a few other classes I'd like to get in.
My employment specialist called this morning and wanted to know if I'd work as a job coach for her organization (Prairie Independent Living Resource Center). It's sporadic work, and only minimum wage, but they do pay mileage which is a bonus. It beats a stick in the eye, and gets me out there in the public eye. I love helping others and I would be working with an employer and a newly employed person with disabilities. How cool is that?! I think that call today was a God-thing.
I continue to stay active in my 12 step group, including serving as treasurer. That keeps my spiritual battery charged, if you will.
I'm completely digging my nutrition classes I'm taking at the gym this month. It's one of the best investments I ever made, and it's helping me control my hypoglycemia. If I would have known I was going to live this long, I would have taken better care of myself.
That's just some of my plan.
TC, yes the relationship is over for her. I also know from my own personal experience that if she doesn't do some serious self-introspection and make changes for her betterment, she'll eventually pick out another one, just as I did for years and years.
I'm seriously thinking of taking an extra semester of college to get in a Visual Basic class, which would come in handy for freelance programming at home. There are a few other classes I'd like to get in.
My employment specialist called this morning and wanted to know if I'd work as a job coach for her organization (Prairie Independent Living Resource Center). It's sporadic work, and only minimum wage, but they do pay mileage which is a bonus. It beats a stick in the eye, and gets me out there in the public eye. I love helping others and I would be working with an employer and a newly employed person with disabilities. How cool is that?! I think that call today was a God-thing.
I continue to stay active in my 12 step group, including serving as treasurer. That keeps my spiritual battery charged, if you will.
I'm completely digging my nutrition classes I'm taking at the gym this month. It's one of the best investments I ever made, and it's helping me control my hypoglycemia. If I would have known I was going to live this long, I would have taken better care of myself.
That's just some of my plan.
TC, yes the relationship is over for her. I also know from my own personal experience that if she doesn't do some serious self-introspection and make changes for her betterment, she'll eventually pick out another one, just as I did for years and years.
Being Silent so I can Hear
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 2,521
Freedom,
There are tons of great learn it yourself books on VB - and there should be plenty of them free in digital form. My Dad taught himself, and I remember him using some of those books to do it. Just a thought.
There are tons of great learn it yourself books on VB - and there should be plenty of them free in digital form. My Dad taught himself, and I remember him using some of those books to do it. Just a thought.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
Originally Posted by Still Waters
Freedom,
There are tons of great learn it yourself books on VB - and there should be plenty of them free in digital form. My Dad taught himself, and I remember him using some of those books to do it. Just a thought.
There are tons of great learn it yourself books on VB - and there should be plenty of them free in digital form. My Dad taught himself, and I remember him using some of those books to do it. Just a thought.
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