Blogs


Notices

Why do i allow myself to be used

Old 10-18-2010, 04:49 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Paphos Cyprus
Posts: 10
Why do i allow myself to be used

Alot has happened since I last posted , but basically I've allowed myself to be sucked in by xabf again .I'm finding it so hard to have NC and when I do manage for a few days he turns up at the house and as soon as I see him I turn to putty .
He told me last night that he wanted to come home , hated being apart , I am on his mind constantly and he would sort out his drinking once and for all .... And like an IDIOT I believed every word . So when the text arrived this morning saying he's decided he likes living alone and that's how it will be because i won't comply , I was floored and am now a complete wreck
What's wrong with me , when am i going to learn ??

Cyta x
cytagirl is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to cytagirl For This Useful Post:
Jadmack25 (10-18-2010)
Old 10-18-2010, 06:01 AM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Member
 
Hollyanne's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Ireland
Posts: 1,641
Dear Cyta, so sorry. I am always a bit wary of commenting on the codependent thing as I am an alcoholic not codi.
I think it is a shame that so many good kind and loving people are wasted on addicts. It is soul destroying. Where are you? Why is he doing this? What did you do to deserve this coldness?
Nothing at all! You are a lovely person with loads to offer, but this guy is addicted and therefore your qualities are all for nothing when it comes to him.
Do you attend Alanon? You know deep down what you need to do. I always say, "what would you say to a friend in similar turmoil"?
You have to realise that you are in love with a fantasy. It/he is not real. Please, take yourself out of this equation. He has a long way to go and you do not need to stick around. "Better your own company, than bad company" Respect yourself. No contact, block his number. Go visit friends, hang out with people who love you back. Please?
Hollyanne is offline  
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to Hollyanne For This Useful Post:
CatLover1234 (10-18-2010), Jadmack25 (10-18-2010), missb89 (10-18-2010), Still Waters (10-18-2010), UsedToBeAPearl (10-18-2010)
Old 10-18-2010, 08:01 AM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Member
 
nodaybut2day's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Quebec
Posts: 2,708
You'll learn through trial and error, like all of us do. There's a reason why he keeps coming back into your life: it's to help you to realize that you need to strengthen your boundaries and keep to NC.

If you don't want him coming by your please, just write him a short note saying so. If he comes along, don't answer the door. Refuse calls, emails, visits etc by blocking him at every turn. If he continues to make a pest of himself, why not call your local police department and ask them to have a nice chat with him.

Consider him your DOC (drug of choice) and consider that you are currently weaning off him. It's tough. As Hollyanne suggested, it's time to fill your life with good people and good activities. Perhaps check out Al-Anon to get some support....
nodaybut2day is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to nodaybut2day For This Useful Post:
Jadmack25 (10-18-2010)
Old 10-18-2010, 08:15 AM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Paphos Cyprus
Posts: 10
Thankyou for your replies , I don't think I'm going to be hearing from him again .... My boss (and good friend ) came back to office earlier and told me she had just seen him with the "OTHER " woman whilst out shopping so i called his bluff and he admitted he was seeing her too so although i'm sick to my stomach , that's the end of that , no more living in a fantasy world that he loves me and would never look at another woman .... and his only love is the bottle ....
I tried so hard to help him and this is how he pays me back ...
cyta x
cytagirl is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to cytagirl For This Useful Post:
Jadmack25 (10-18-2010)
Old 10-18-2010, 09:40 AM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Community Greeter
 
Freedom1990's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
Originally Posted by cytagirl View Post
I tried so hard to help him and this is how he pays me back ...
This is where a program of recovery for yourself could give you some relief.

It's not personal, though I completely understand how you are feeling because I was the same way with my EXAH.

He's not doing it to you. He's just doing what an active alcoholic does.

I expect nothing from my 32 year old addict daughter...nothing.

She's active in her disease, and therefore I keep my life separate from hers, and have minimal contact.

Were it not for my 15 year old granddaughter living with her, I'd have no contact at all.
Freedom1990 is offline  
Old 10-18-2010, 09:40 AM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Member
 
Daybreak's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Kansas for now
Posts: 100
His only love is himself. The reason you let yourself be used is that you are able to love someone besides yourself. Be glad you are that person, but find someone who, like you, is able to return love.
Daybreak is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 09:41 PM.