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Pardon me while I vent

Old 10-15-2010, 01:32 PM
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TeM
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Angry Pardon me while I vent

Okay, I'm sure I have lots of "I told you so's" coming my way, but I have to air this out.

AW fell and broke her ankle last week; I brought her home from the hospital today. She'll be unable to put weight on the foot for eight weeks, which, in her case, means a wheelchair. She's just too heavy to use crutches.

She's in a lot of pain after the surgery, and I'm doing what I can for her, though I cannot stay home; I have to work. We've got things situated where she can stay alone with a cooler beside her chair with sandwiches and drinks, and she can get around in the wheelchair if she's feeling ambitious.

Here's the kicker. After all the pain, all the inconvenience she's imposing on herself and others, not to mention the thousands of dollars this will cost us... she's not ready to give up the bottle.

A asked her point blank today if she's ready to quit, and she said she was ready to cut back to one drink per day. Despite the warnings, and all that I've read on here, I was quite surprised, and angry.

She said "Give me a chance to prove that I can limit myself". I'm sure lots of people here have heard similar delusions from their alcoholics. I heard a similar one myself, over a year ago. After a bad fall, she said she was going to quit. When I expressed doubt, she said "Have a little faith in me."

The amazing thing to me is that she seems to be in total denial about her problem. She has lied to the members of her family about how the fall happened, though I did get her to admit the truth to her doctors.

Anyway, I can see now that our marriage is probably doomed... this will only happen again as soon as she's able to get her hands on more booze, and she'll eventually bankrupt us.

When this last accident happened, my daughter and I thought that surely she would be scared into quitting. We were only kidding ourselves.

Sorry to ramble on so. This has been one stressful week.
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Old 10-15-2010, 01:38 PM
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Yeah, if booze is a problem then the answer to that particular problem is to stay away from the booze. Seeing as it's not necessary for survival. The fact that she just won't give it up, well...there ya go.

Now you know for sure.
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Old 10-16-2010, 08:40 AM
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Ah, ye old "Have a little faith in me." How many times have I fallen for that one? I am sorry all of you are going through this mess.
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Old 10-17-2010, 02:44 PM
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yeah, unfortunately cutting down never works, it's all or nothing. My exabf even went to prison and learned nothing. He still is adrunk and an addict, living on the street, I have no sympathy for him, none whatsoever.
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Old 10-17-2010, 04:03 PM
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Originally Posted by TeM View Post
We've got things situated where she can stay alone with a cooler beside her chair with sandwiches and drinks, and she can get around in the wheelchair if she's feeling ambitious.
Why should she quit??? She has everybody doing everything for her, so she really isn't feeling the full effect. The easier you make it for her, the harder it will be for her to quit......
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Old 10-18-2010, 06:16 AM
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TheEnd, you have a point. However, I'm not really sure what else to do. Maybe I'm too spineless, but I feel obligated to give her basic care. She is stuck in a reclining chair, right now. She's too heavy to use a walker or crutches. I'm working on getting the house arranged so that she can get from room to room in her wheelchair.

If I could afford it, I'd put her in a nursing home, but we just don't have the money.

I suppose I could just let her fend for herself, but that doesn't really seem humane... plus, I'd have to clean up the mess eventually.

I understand the whole concept of enabling, but detaching isn't easy, at least for me. I suppose I have underestimated the power of this disease. I know that if I hurt myself that badly doing something, I'd be inclined to stop doing it. I hate the thought of being dependent on other people, so I'm not going to do anything to unnecessarily put myself in that position. Unfortunately, alcoholics don't seem to think that way... at least mine doesn't.
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