HoopNinja

Once again xah has gotten his child support reduced (which if he pays half of I am lucky). He called me this week to gloat over going to the court house to take half my pension. I am tryng to find a 2nd job to no avail.

I don't live an extravagant lifestyle. Yet he is out being Santa Claus to the kids when I don't have enough money for after school (since I work), groceries, paying the utilities. I am going to have to dump my internet service which will leave me pretty much solo.

I now this sounds dumb but I depend on this dumb machine to help me make it through the day on some days.

I don't get why when I am not the bum who would not work, who was screaming at everyone until we all hid in our holes to avoid him. Who spend my money on booze and drugs... I am the one who worked 2 jobs, paid for everything, took care of the kids, took care of the house. Why does he get off scott free now paying $500 less per month in child support because he is now working even less! I am trying hard not to hate him today because I know God does not like it when we hate people. But right now as I sit here with an empty checkbook and bills to pay--I hate him.

acdirito

Wife2Kids, I can understand your anxiety and frustration. You need to contact your local legal aid agency. Do a web surf looking for legal aid. You need to find legal representation not only for yourself but, also, for your children. I agree with you, the situation you described is not justice.

It sounds like you have a right to be angry and to "hate" your ex. Just don't allow those feelings to fester inside of you. They have a way of eating us out and ending up making us physically ill, not to mention how they effect our emotions. Start physically working out, taking walks, etc. You need to continue to vent out your frustrations. Keep posting on SR, and attending Ala-non meetings.

If I had my child to raise over again
I'd build self-esteem first and the house later
I'd finger paint more and point the finger less
I would do less correcting and more connecting
I'd take my eyes off my watch and watch with my eyes
I would care to know less and know to care more
I'd take more hikes and fly more kites
I'd stop playing serious and seriously play
I would run through more fields and gaze at more stars
I'd do more hugging and less tugging
I'd see the oak tree in the acorn more often
I would be firm less often and affirm much more
I'd model less about the love of power
And more about the power of love.
Diane Loomans

Still Waters

It's about impossible to find jobs in todays world with no internet. Can you get access at work or elsewhere?

I know what you mean though, about a total lack of repercussions for the scum while we work and struggle.

Can you sign up for any public assistance? You probably make too much money, but it can't hurt to try. My $40 - $60 worth of food stamps helps a small bit.

nodaybut2day

Ugh Wife, this is SO unfair. I'm sorry

I agree with Still...seems like it's time to ask around for help of any kind. Have you considered looking into community resources? I don't know how things are where you live, but here in Quebec, there are a lot of community centers you can go to and uncover lots of cool programs designed to help those struggling to make ends meet. When I was preggo and supporting XH and DSS, we found this program that gets families in need with local farmers; we could buy a small bag of fruits and veggies for 6$ (and it was no "small" bag believe me), every week. It required going to a local church to get it but still, it was worth it to have fresh stuff available.

I made use of that program as well as the local food pantry when we were really down and out. I also got free eggs, milk and juice coupons from a social worker at my local community clinic, and a X-mas gift basket. It was all very helpful...

to you for dealing with this b.s.

pixilation

Check out Angel Food Ministries too. Ask the counselor at the kids' school for any help/advice she can give.

In my planned "budget' for when I get out, internet and Netflix are my only entertainment items. If I have to drop netflix, I will, but internet has to stay, even if I have to resort to dialup *twitch* it stays.

Still Waters

I have to have internet, I work from home online

The problem is, I've found, that most of us struggling make too much money for any assistance. Yet, I'll be paying out well over 1/2 of my income on rent in this area.

HoopNinja

That is my situation. I get paid a fairly decent amount but once they take out all the furlough days (forced unpaid days) at work, all the insurance coverage I am respsonbile for and everything else there is not a ton left. I have enough to pay my mortgage and taxes. I have to pay for afterschool care (and thank goodness the kids are in school) because in the summer it will cost me 4 times a much for care for the kids while I am at work. Which leaves not much for much else. Even school lunch--I stopped it because it was too expensive for both kids. Yet xah never packs them lunch on the one day a week he has them so I get billed for it.

acdirito I was told by the divorce judge that nothing would be different if I had taken my case to trial. Because of the ways the laws are written in my state and because no one will actually force him to work--they can do nothing to make him work and pay child support.

I am in a bit of a bind because I have housing needs that are usual. Because of my kids mental health issues they cannot sleep in the same bedroom--until they are mentally healthy. Also, because my older son rages I could not move into an apartment or even a building with connecting walls because well for one thing it would not be fair to the neighbors and for another the police would be at my house a couple times a week. My kids don't need that.

I did make a bunch of calls this morning. My cell phone co. (which is my only phone) took mercy and reduced my bill 30% for the next 6 months. The place where I go for childcare is a non-profit and I can apply for a scholarship for one or both kids. So I would not have to go through the whole process of filing out forms they gave me the name of the local case worker so I could see if I qualify. She said even if I did not qualify by county standards that I could still qualify for a partial scholarship--and that would include for the summer.

I am sitting down with my sister tomorrow and we are going to go over my budget with a fine toothed comb and basically act as though I will never see one dime from xah because more than likely he will eventually be paying zilch if he keeps at it. My brother-in-law said he thought he could get me some work at the local grocery store because all their college students left. It would not be a ton-but it would help. My sister said she would watch the kids a couple nights a week so I could work a 2nd job. Also, if I talk to county services I may be able to get some help with my kids as far as getting them to appointments so I don't have to take so much time off work.

Thank you HP and SR for helping me get through this morning and this afternoon.

Have to go pick up my older son and take him to the doc.

Thanks again. I will be fine. I will be fine. I am going to see if I can scrape enough change off the bottom of the car floor to get a pizza and go to the library to get a movie for me and the kids. Thanks for all the suggestions. If anyone else has any others--I am all ears.

HealingWillCome

Two things came to mind:

Can you apply for 'free and reduced lunch' in your kids' school? I bet you'd qualify now.

Are your children on your group health insurance at your work place? If your state has a children's health insurance program, you may be able to switch them over and reduce your health insurance premium at work.

Hang in there! Hugs and peace to you.

coyote21

Our school also has a reduced rate health insurance for kids, I believe it was $95 a semester. I had to forget about insurance when I got laid off.

The price is ridiculous. I will be using the emergency room for health care like all the illegals.

Thanks and God bless us all,
Coyote

HoopNinja

Healing-I was ordered by the court to keep my family policy-but in all reality I am fortunate there since reducing it to single coverage would not save me much. The unpaid medical expenses--xah is supposed to pay half. That does not mean he will.

Like today--took oldest son to the doctor because 2 weeks ago when he was with his Dad he was playing soccer and hurt his ankle-and although it would have cost him nothing but time xah did not take him to the doctor. So my son, not being old enough to know to not run around on it, continued to go to soccer (we got a scholarship for that and my sister bought him his equipment--I am lucky to have a generous family who can help out some). So he ran on his injured foot for 2 weeks until last night in tears he told me how bad it hurt. You know why he did not tell me for 2 weeks? When he asked his dad to take him to the doctor he basically to him to suck it up and "be a man". Jerk. He is only 9 years old (and does not really have a good example from him about "being a man").

I'm just happy older son told me yesterday because the doctor said it probably got worse and in about 6 weeks it should be fine (but he lectured son about telling his mom when he gets hurt). But since it was so injured they had to put a brace on it and that is not covered by insurance. I just sighed and walked out of the office. But there is a good thing--they did not make me pay on the spot. I will get a bill-and can probably pay it off over a few months.

I had thought about school lunch. I am going to check to see if the application is online. If not I will get a copy from the school.

Thanks for all the suggestions. I swear sometimes my brain goes into vapor lock when I go to the mailbox and see all the bills and then go to the checkbook and see no money.

HealingWillCome

Good grief -- I understand the court's intention, but HELLO. Does the judge not have a clue how flipping expensive health insurance is these days? What happens if your premiums increase drastically from year to year, which is very possible, if not likely? It's sad that you don't have the option to at least look for different, less expensive coverage.

My kids are also on my health insurance plan. Over the 11 years since my divorce, my OUT-OF-POCKET cost has climbed to over $900 -- per month! That's like a mortgage payment. FINALLY this year, I was able to get some different coverage and knock my out-of-pocket costs down by a couple hundred dollars. I still pay a ridiculous amount of money for health insurance. I don't know what I would have done if the court had ordered me to keep them on my original plan!

At least my XAH makes his child support payments each month -- they don't even cover the cost of health insurance, however. I understand the financial difficulty you're facing and I'm sending prayers and good wishes. It can be mentally and physically draining, especially when your children are your first concern.

Jadmack25

Where do some of the lawmakers and judges come from? What planet has laws to punish the good parent and uphold the bludger?

Why should this scumdad have a good life on money etc, he has never earned, can get off of paying a dime if he doesn't feel like it,. while you are ordered to provide things that cost money you don't have......CAUSE some DODO GAVE YOUR MONEY TO SCUMDAD.

I have no idea what is available to you, being as I am way way over here, so all I can do is fume smoke out of my ears at these unfair "laws", and have nasty thoughts about your XAH, and pray that your HP can put a few goodies your way soon.

theuncertainty

Grrrrrrrr. So many things about your situation make me upset, Wife, but this made me furious. What an a--! I am so sorry. I hope your son is feeling better soon.

I love the library! DS and I go often to check out books, movies and music. We also hang out occasionally and use the internet when ours acts up. DS also loves running up and down the hill at our library; sometimes that's his favorite part of the trip. Entertainment, information and exercise - all for free.

I'm afraid I don't have any more tips for you, wish I did. I understand how draining it can feel to be trying to make ends meet while (STB)XAH doesn't pay child support. I've been lucky in that DS and I were able to move in with my sister and her family for a significant savings in rent. I'm glad that others here have been able to give such great information and am wishing you continued strength. Hang in there, hug your amazing kids and remember to take care of yourself, too.

Fandy

I don't know where you get your internet service from, but the cable company in my area does offer a reduced rate....a call might be worth it?