Just...too much
Being Silent so I can Hear
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 2,521
Just...too much
Having a crap week, don't read unless you're just bored:
Lazy mooch boyfriend of my Mom's kept on getting on my kiddo's butt about lights on and tv on etc. No, she doesn't turn the tv off when she runs to the potty, sorry. He leaves his tv on all the time, plus fans running all night in empty rooms, and he doesn't pay the power bill. Mom had told him before to go to her or me about it, not get onto my kid or my niece. He has no right. So, he did it again, and I just told him that he had no business blah blah, not nasty.
He didn't take it well. He'd do what he wanted in his house. (it's not his house)
I mentioned how I pay rent, which pays our portion of the power bill. And that maybe he should shut the tv off when HE leaves the room, etc.
And got told he was tired of my sh*t from day one, and to get out of his house. That I'm lazy. Now, I work 60+ hours a week, while he sits on his a$$ watching the cable tv my Mom pays for all day. But I'm lazy.
My Mom didn't disagree with him, though she has not said a word to me about it. I get it, she is terrified of being alone, so she settles for this mooching pos. Her deal, she's a big girl.
So...been looking around again at places. I can't afford to live in this area, period. And I would have never tried to live here had I not gotten stranded here. And with no car especially. Tried two places, apartments (God I hate apartments) but they turned me down, my credit is too bad. Wonder how it got that way?! Called a few duplex type places, they won't rent a one bedroom to me cause the two of us aren't a couple.
Section 8 is a total no go, years of a waiting list there.
There are some roommate type situations, so far they've been all men. Not going there with a teenager, not happening.
I need within walking to a grocery and her on the school bus line - so far nothing.
Work won't guarantee more work beyond the next week, so I never know if I'll have 40 hours or not. They changed us to 1099's now, so I pay all the taxes and make less. No benefits. I've been applying to anything locally that I'm qualified to do in walking distance...nothing so far that pays any better than I have now. Matter of fact, they've all paid less.
Debt collector called tonight about a debt I didn't even know I had...yeah, like I can pay them anything. If my wages (what little there is) get garnished - well, that'll be that. It'll be the shelter.
One silver lining in all this, I don't have any legal fees right? lol
So, I feel like I'm trapped - again. Living on eggshells, again. All I'm doing is working and doing what we all do every day. Taking care of day to day stuff. Kid, meals, laundry, vaccuuming, etc. And it's just not enough. Between rent and the debts I am paying, I have nothing left over. Nothing. I can't save for a car, or a deposit, or anything.
Hell, if I did have a car I couldn't afford insurance anyway!
I'm just tired of it all, struggling and getting nowhere. Working and then getting kicked in the gut by family no less. What's the point?
Honestly, if only I had been stranded in one of the many reasonably prices places I've lived - that would have made a big difference. My pay would be the same (I work from home) but rent would be MUCH cheaper.
I just need to get this kid raised, that's all. God I hope she doesn't make the same stupid mistakes I have.
Lazy mooch boyfriend of my Mom's kept on getting on my kiddo's butt about lights on and tv on etc. No, she doesn't turn the tv off when she runs to the potty, sorry. He leaves his tv on all the time, plus fans running all night in empty rooms, and he doesn't pay the power bill. Mom had told him before to go to her or me about it, not get onto my kid or my niece. He has no right. So, he did it again, and I just told him that he had no business blah blah, not nasty.
He didn't take it well. He'd do what he wanted in his house. (it's not his house)
I mentioned how I pay rent, which pays our portion of the power bill. And that maybe he should shut the tv off when HE leaves the room, etc.
And got told he was tired of my sh*t from day one, and to get out of his house. That I'm lazy. Now, I work 60+ hours a week, while he sits on his a$$ watching the cable tv my Mom pays for all day. But I'm lazy.
My Mom didn't disagree with him, though she has not said a word to me about it. I get it, she is terrified of being alone, so she settles for this mooching pos. Her deal, she's a big girl.
So...been looking around again at places. I can't afford to live in this area, period. And I would have never tried to live here had I not gotten stranded here. And with no car especially. Tried two places, apartments (God I hate apartments) but they turned me down, my credit is too bad. Wonder how it got that way?! Called a few duplex type places, they won't rent a one bedroom to me cause the two of us aren't a couple.
Section 8 is a total no go, years of a waiting list there.
There are some roommate type situations, so far they've been all men. Not going there with a teenager, not happening.
I need within walking to a grocery and her on the school bus line - so far nothing.
Work won't guarantee more work beyond the next week, so I never know if I'll have 40 hours or not. They changed us to 1099's now, so I pay all the taxes and make less. No benefits. I've been applying to anything locally that I'm qualified to do in walking distance...nothing so far that pays any better than I have now. Matter of fact, they've all paid less.
Debt collector called tonight about a debt I didn't even know I had...yeah, like I can pay them anything. If my wages (what little there is) get garnished - well, that'll be that. It'll be the shelter.
One silver lining in all this, I don't have any legal fees right? lol
So, I feel like I'm trapped - again. Living on eggshells, again. All I'm doing is working and doing what we all do every day. Taking care of day to day stuff. Kid, meals, laundry, vaccuuming, etc. And it's just not enough. Between rent and the debts I am paying, I have nothing left over. Nothing. I can't save for a car, or a deposit, or anything.
Hell, if I did have a car I couldn't afford insurance anyway!
I'm just tired of it all, struggling and getting nowhere. Working and then getting kicked in the gut by family no less. What's the point?
Honestly, if only I had been stranded in one of the many reasonably prices places I've lived - that would have made a big difference. My pay would be the same (I work from home) but rent would be MUCH cheaper.
I just need to get this kid raised, that's all. God I hope she doesn't make the same stupid mistakes I have.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 1,057
I know this sounds simplistic, but it's the way my brain functions when things become overwhelming. Time to give it to HP. Keep doing the next right thing, whatever that is. Do your part, and HP will answer. 
Sorry you're in this situation. Mr. Lazy Mooch Boyfriend sounds like he's not happy if he's not complaining. Good for you for standing up to him.
Sorry you're in this situation. Mr. Lazy Mooch Boyfriend sounds like he's not happy if he's not complaining. Good for you for standing up to him.
Being Silent so I can Hear
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 2,521
Yeah, thanks. Next right thing..I thought I was.
It's bizarre. The kid is like "the heck with him, who cares what that lazy so and so thinks/says/does I'm not going anywhere it's my Grandma's house!". So, I'm unsure if that's good, as in "she sees the situation clearly and I don't" or bad "she's willing to stay when unwanted".
She just doesn't want to move again, I understand that. I reassured her that she wouldn't be moving schools. If needed she can stay with my sister and I can go to a shelter.
It's bizarre. The kid is like "the heck with him, who cares what that lazy so and so thinks/says/does I'm not going anywhere it's my Grandma's house!". So, I'm unsure if that's good, as in "she sees the situation clearly and I don't" or bad "she's willing to stay when unwanted".
She just doesn't want to move again, I understand that. I reassured her that she wouldn't be moving schools. If needed she can stay with my sister and I can go to a shelter.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 13,497
Still,
This stinks.
I have to say that I like your daughters attitude, for some reason.
maybe just bide your time, until something gives.
kill him with kindness, until things line up for you.
hope it happens soon.
of course i dont want you to be kind to that jerk......
heaven knows you must be eligible for something out there,
loving hugs, and prayers for good stuff soon,
chicory
This stinks.
I have to say that I like your daughters attitude, for some reason.
maybe just bide your time, until something gives.
kill him with kindness, until things line up for you.
hope it happens soon.
of course i dont want you to be kind to that jerk......
heaven knows you must be eligible for something out there,
loving hugs, and prayers for good stuff soon,
chicory
Awakening
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Beautiful Texas hillcountry
Posts: 1,272
Originally Posted by Still Waters 
Yeah, thanks. Next right thing..I thought I was.
It's bizarre. The kid is like "the heck with him, who cares what that lazy so and so thinks/says/does I'm not going anywhere it's my Grandma's house!". So, I'm unsure if that's good, as in "she sees the situation clearly and I don't" or bad "she's willing to stay when unwanted".
She just doesn't want to move again, I understand that. I reassured her that she wouldn't be moving schools. If needed she can stay with my sister and I can go to a shelter.
It's bizarre. The kid is like "the heck with him, who cares what that lazy so and so thinks/says/does I'm not going anywhere it's my Grandma's house!". So, I'm unsure if that's good, as in "she sees the situation clearly and I don't" or bad "she's willing to stay when unwanted".
She just doesn't want to move again, I understand that. I reassured her that she wouldn't be moving schools. If needed she can stay with my sister and I can go to a shelter.
Thats got to be a big load off your mind, then you could pursue a room mate situation for just yourself, if push came to shove.
No shelters please. I'm afraid if that is what you think of, it's what the Universe will think you want!
Thanks and God bless us all,
Coyote
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 1,057
Maybe she's a 'water off a duck's back' kind of kid. I wish I would have been more like that instead of the people pleaser I was as a teenager! She has a strong mom...do you suppose she's got some self-confidence because of it?
I understand not wanting to change schools. I'll be praying for you both. That HP leads you to the situation that's best for both of you.
I understand not wanting to change schools. I'll be praying for you both. That HP leads you to the situation that's best for both of you.
Being Silent so I can Hear
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 2,521
chicory - I have to be totally honest, that once you have pi$$ed me off I have a very very hard time being kind until I simmer down, usually at minimum 48 months.
I'm doing us all a favor right now, and avoiding him totally so I don't tell him to take his lazy pot smoking mooching a$$ out of my face before I tell him what I really think. You know?
Sigh.
I'm doing us all a favor right now, and avoiding him totally so I don't tell him to take his lazy pot smoking mooching a$$ out of my face before I tell him what I really think. You know?
Sigh.
Awakening
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Beautiful Texas hillcountry
Posts: 1,272
Originally Posted by Still Waters
hahaha coyote. lol
Dang, you reminded me (in a roundabout way) I need to add more stuff to my online portfolio. Thanks!
Dang, you reminded me (in a roundabout way) I need to add more stuff to my online portfolio. Thanks!
So you're on a dating site?
No time for that right now, we have to sort out your living arrangements woman.
Oh, that would be online PROFILE, never mind.
Thanks and God bless us all,
Coyote
Being Silent so I can Hear
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 2,521
Yes coyote, I could do a room mate situation that wouldn't be suitable for her, if she stayed with my sister. She doesn't like my sister, but her aunt does love her. And it's walking distance to school.
We might camp out over there next week, since my BIL will be out of town and my sister is uncomfortable being the only adult in the house. I'll broach the subject again then.
We might camp out over there next week, since my BIL will be out of town and my sister is uncomfortable being the only adult in the house. I'll broach the subject again then.
Being Silent so I can Hear
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 2,521
Originally Posted by HealingWillCome
Maybe she's a 'water off a duck's back' kind of kid. I wish I would have been more like that instead of the people pleaser I was as a teenager! She has a strong mom...do you suppose she's got some self-confidence because of it?
I understand not wanting to change schools. I'll be praying for you both. That HP leads you to the situation that's best for both of you.
I understand not wanting to change schools. I'll be praying for you both. That HP leads you to the situation that's best for both of you.
She is. She's much wiser than me in many ways, I swear. Or, she's like I used to be - before I started to question myself.Thanks HWC.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Wizard Land Downunder
Posts: 2,615
Boy does your girl know her onions. She is not going to take garbage from garbage, so let any worries about her coping just ease away.
You have had a stinking time with the Xcreep who left you destitute, (MAY it ALL come back to him with ENORMOUS interest.) and how you have held it together to now is amazing.
I can only say... keep on plodding along, hand over worries to your HP, telling HP that you want a good place to live, and the financial ability to afford ALL you need.
Stuff thinking of shelters, you want to go up not down.
Maybe your mum will get a line from your daughter, and see she doesn't need the useless blob after all. Wouldn't that be a lovely outcome?
You have had a stinking time with the Xcreep who left you destitute, (MAY it ALL come back to him with ENORMOUS interest.) and how you have held it together to now is amazing.
I can only say... keep on plodding along, hand over worries to your HP, telling HP that you want a good place to live, and the financial ability to afford ALL you need.
Stuff thinking of shelters, you want to go up not down.
Maybe your mum will get a line from your daughter, and see she doesn't need the useless blob after all. Wouldn't that be a lovely outcome?
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,888
I so wish there was something I could do to lend a hand to you.
My sympathies are all I can give at the moment, though.
I feel so close to the situation you are going through because my current living situation is so similar.
At the moment, I am in a holding pattern, too, as I wait for financial aid to be available (hopefully in the next few weeks) that would allow be to buy my own place on the cheap (probably a foreclosure) since I sure as heck can't afford to rent my own place in my area despite weeks of searching. Moving every year blows because those I pay my rent religiously to get their panties in a knot for no reason. I'm a target of the do as I say not as I do mentality over petty stuff, too. There's just no debating with crazy , right? It's exhausting and so stressful to feel you're not welcome where you live.
I found a light at the end of the tunnel by researching financial aid via the government. There are many programs out there now beside section 8 to help with rental aid especially for those with children in tow. Allocations for for 2010-2011 are rolling out now so it never hurts to keep searching. Not sure where you're located still so check out state and even county groups, too.
Hang in there!! One day at a time.
Alice
My sympathies are all I can give at the moment, though.
I feel so close to the situation you are going through because my current living situation is so similar.
At the moment, I am in a holding pattern, too, as I wait for financial aid to be available (hopefully in the next few weeks) that would allow be to buy my own place on the cheap (probably a foreclosure) since I sure as heck can't afford to rent my own place in my area despite weeks of searching. Moving every year blows because those I pay my rent religiously to get their panties in a knot for no reason. I'm a target of the do as I say not as I do mentality over petty stuff, too. There's just no debating with crazy , right? It's exhausting and so stressful to feel you're not welcome where you live.
I found a light at the end of the tunnel by researching financial aid via the government. There are many programs out there now beside section 8 to help with rental aid especially for those with children in tow. Allocations for for 2010-2011 are rolling out now so it never hurts to keep searching. Not sure where you're located still so check out state and even county groups, too.
Hang in there!! One day at a time.
Alice
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
And your Paypal account # is?
You know SW I don't own a credit card. I believe its needed to use Paypal. But for you, I am willing to get my butt to the nearest bank and ask for the paperwork I need and get it. I also need to buy Soft Paws for the cats. And make some hostel reservations. It would be a win-win situation.
I mean, it won't solve EVERYTHING, but it may ease your mind a little? perhaps not about $$ but about you accepting help?
Jadmack: karma is so real, and SO ironic, so no worries there about the ex.... !
Supposedly one does not need to say "I want X or Y"! because the Universe states your reality, and that would be: wanting something.... you need to feel as if you already have it... so, SW please try to feel at peace, as if you already lived somewhere convenient to you, peaceful... and the Universe will match the feeling... but you have to be consistent and don't give this exercise up...
Another one I have as homework is "I am deserving of everything that is good". Repeat with me...
Also, SW, about business, you are a web designer right (sorry I have bad memory)? have you thought about translating your online portfolio to expand your audience and potential customers? coincidentally my dad and his wife are translators accredited by the ATA American translators association so perhaps an arrangement can be made, for instance Spanish or French... more people speak Spanish than English nowadays (#2 language after Mandarin if I recall correctly...)
Also I am not sure if this applies but I am a member of this network and I thought you might want to check it out, they have a job list:
http://www.behance.net/joblist
You know SW I don't own a credit card. I believe its needed to use Paypal. But for you, I am willing to get my butt to the nearest bank and ask for the paperwork I need and get it. I also need to buy Soft Paws for the cats. And make some hostel reservations. It would be a win-win situation.
I mean, it won't solve EVERYTHING, but it may ease your mind a little? perhaps not about $$ but about you accepting help?
Jadmack: karma is so real, and SO ironic, so no worries there about the ex.... !
Supposedly one does not need to say "I want X or Y"! because the Universe states your reality, and that would be: wanting something.... you need to feel as if you already have it... so, SW please try to feel at peace, as if you already lived somewhere convenient to you, peaceful... and the Universe will match the feeling... but you have to be consistent and don't give this exercise up...
Another one I have as homework is "I am deserving of everything that is good". Repeat with me...
Also, SW, about business, you are a web designer right (sorry I have bad memory)? have you thought about translating your online portfolio to expand your audience and potential customers? coincidentally my dad and his wife are translators accredited by the ATA American translators association so perhaps an arrangement can be made, for instance Spanish or French... more people speak Spanish than English nowadays (#2 language after Mandarin if I recall correctly...)
Also I am not sure if this applies but I am a member of this network and I thought you might want to check it out, they have a job list:
http://www.behance.net/joblist
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 115
StillWaters, you are definitely in my thoughts and prayers today! I admire your hard work and your commitment to doing the best thing for your daughter above all else. Good for you for being unwilling to put your daughter in an unsafe/inappropriate roommate situation even if it is financially easier. I don't think there is any greater example you can set for your daughter than showing her that doing the right thing is always better than doing the easy thing. God (HP) hasn't forgotten you, and He will provide a way. Take care!
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