Uh-oh...enabling here I go.....
Just for today....
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Venus
Posts: 118
Uh-oh...enabling here I go.....
LOL...Alright, something happened tonight and I had to race here and post...
I posted a couple days ago that I had begun dating a really great guy. I am really confident that he is an asset to my life, so far I have seen no reason to question anything about our relationship..until about an hour ago...
He called me to tell me that he quit his job today....
I immediately went into panic mode for some reason...He sounded fine about it..said it had been a long time coming, he didn't see eye to eye with his general manager and he is not going to let someone talk down to him and treat him disrespectfully...Mind you this is a job he has been at for over 10 years and makes around 140,000 a year...in this economy why would you leave something like that...but that is just me I guess..I will put up with all kinds of crap to avoid change...
Anyway, he didnt sound concerned at all, his approach was, well I have a lot of contacts, he was like the top sales guy at his job and said he could have a job by the end of the week...he has enough in savings to last him awhile and he might just take some time off...huh?
So in my mind I jump right into I need to help him find a new job mode...and then I stopped....
This is none of my business...this is something he needs to do for himself..he is bright, capable and knows how to make a resume...I don't need to do a job search for him, I dont need to call up contacts I have, I dont need to worry...this is all on him...I can be supportive and help him if he asks for my help (since my job deals with unemployment)....
So I backed off..turned the focus back on me and prayed on it that I let this be his thing to solve....
I guess this is my first test eh?
I hate this character defect of mine...always wanting to save the day!
I posted a couple days ago that I had begun dating a really great guy. I am really confident that he is an asset to my life, so far I have seen no reason to question anything about our relationship..until about an hour ago...
He called me to tell me that he quit his job today....
I immediately went into panic mode for some reason...He sounded fine about it..said it had been a long time coming, he didn't see eye to eye with his general manager and he is not going to let someone talk down to him and treat him disrespectfully...Mind you this is a job he has been at for over 10 years and makes around 140,000 a year...in this economy why would you leave something like that...but that is just me I guess..I will put up with all kinds of crap to avoid change...
Anyway, he didnt sound concerned at all, his approach was, well I have a lot of contacts, he was like the top sales guy at his job and said he could have a job by the end of the week...he has enough in savings to last him awhile and he might just take some time off...huh?
So in my mind I jump right into I need to help him find a new job mode...and then I stopped....
This is none of my business...this is something he needs to do for himself..he is bright, capable and knows how to make a resume...I don't need to do a job search for him, I dont need to call up contacts I have, I dont need to worry...this is all on him...I can be supportive and help him if he asks for my help (since my job deals with unemployment)....
So I backed off..turned the focus back on me and prayed on it that I let this be his thing to solve....
I guess this is my first test eh?
I hate this character defect of mine...always wanting to save the day!
Just for today....
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Venus
Posts: 118
So I just got a text saying "Im going out with the boys tonight..talk to you later love ya.." Oh geez...We have been dating 3 months and not once has he went out with the boys on a week night....is this a sign of disaster to come?
Better start running for cover now! lol.....
Better start running for cover now! lol.....
To thine own self be true.
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
This is none of my business...this is something he needs to do for himself..
So I just got a text saying "Im going out with the boys tonight..talk to you later love ya.." Oh geez...We have been dating 3 months and not once has he went out with the boys on a week night....is this a sign of disaster to come?
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Wizard Land Downunder
Posts: 2,615
are flying all over the place for me.
Just hold it together til he turns up, and you see his actions...not the words.
If he gets to send shivers up your spine, makes your tummy squirm, then take notice and prepare to maybe say bye bye to who you thought he was, and run from who he is.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: ft. lauderdale florida
Posts: 275
Your story reminded me of an ex who pretended to be so well balanced emotionally and stable finacially. We moved in together, 2 week later he quit his job making 100,000 g's a year. Sold his fancy car and down graded and never left the house walking around sulking most of the time. The ac broke and he refused to help with the cost to fix it. Then he wrote a letter to my FATHER about how I emotionally and SEXUALLY pushed him away. MY FATHER! When I explained how inapropiate that was, he said he wasn't sorry. Ummmmm...WTF.
I told him our relationship was over.
1 month later he e-mails me out the blue about all these plans he has made for "our" future"
CRAZY PEOPLE FIND ME.
Now, I smell them coming a mile away.
Good luck sister.
I told him our relationship was over.
1 month later he e-mails me out the blue about all these plans he has made for "our" future"
CRAZY PEOPLE FIND ME.
Now, I smell them coming a mile away.
Good luck sister.
Last edited by wow1323; 10-13-2010 at 05:21 AM. Reason: spelling
Just for today....
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Venus
Posts: 118
Thanks everyone for your replies....I can't figure out why this is bothering me so much....I am going to stay in the minute and just hope for the best to happen. I decided to pay attention to how he handles his new job search and what he does...I feel kinda bad because the second he told me that he quit his job my feelings for him changed almost instantly. He lives a good life, and likes nice things, so I can't see him wanting to stray away from that...but we shall see.
Ugh...i'll keep you posted. Thanks for being there for me guys....At least I have an awareness and am not in a "making excuses" kinda mind frame anymore...stay tuned! lol
Ugh...i'll keep you posted. Thanks for being there for me guys....At least I have an awareness and am not in a "making excuses" kinda mind frame anymore...stay tuned!
lol
It is what it is
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: NJ
Posts: 280
Good for you working your program! You saw right away what you were automatically going to do, you used "think" and took the appropriate actions which was do nothing. I think that's awesome and proof that this program works if you work it.
On the relationship front, I'm thinking no projecting and keep your eyes wide open. Actions always speak louder than words and I'm sure more will be revealed, both good and bad. Just chill.
Peace,
Jen
On the relationship front, I'm thinking no projecting and keep your eyes wide open. Actions always speak louder than words and I'm sure more will be revealed, both good and bad. Just chill.
Peace,
Jen
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 1,118
Yeah, I'm with the others... stay in the moment, but at the same time recognize potential red flags for what they might become.
I don't think there's anything wrong with your mindset that it's generally better to have a job before you quit a job, and if you don't, ... well, why wouldn't you wait? I'd find that acceptable only if he had spoken of his unhappiness for a while and had a solid plan--maybe not a job per se, but a rational plan for living that is actually going to raise quality of life.
Not sure if I read that into your post however, and it reminds me of when my AH quit his job just out of the blue, when I was working at a little part time job, I had 4 kids, and we had no savings. Looking back, he quit because he simply didn't want to toe anyone else's line, and his arrogance simply made him blind to the needs of his family and put his selfish needs first. That's it.
As for you, you are doing the right thing. Just listen and learn.
I don't think there's anything wrong with your mindset that it's generally better to have a job before you quit a job, and if you don't, ... well, why wouldn't you wait? I'd find that acceptable only if he had spoken of his unhappiness for a while and had a solid plan--maybe not a job per se, but a rational plan for living that is actually going to raise quality of life.
Not sure if I read that into your post however, and it reminds me of when my AH quit his job just out of the blue, when I was working at a little part time job, I had 4 kids, and we had no savings. Looking back, he quit because he simply didn't want to toe anyone else's line, and his arrogance simply made him blind to the needs of his family and put his selfish needs first. That's it.
As for you, you are doing the right thing. Just listen and learn.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,888
I once walked out on a high paying job because of the way I was treated.
*Several of my coworkers did the same.
I took time off and lived on savings while I pondered what to do with myself.
*One coworker went to work as a golf instructor, another a chef in training.
I made the life changing choice to go back to school and change careers.
*We are all making far less than we used to in this tough economy and yet we are all still happy we left and pursued work we love doing.
When people make a leap of faith into the unknown it's not always a bad thing. Sometimes making that leap is nerve racking and you need to connect with your supporters and even celebrate the daring move, sometimes take some time to get your bearings.
Maybe that is all that is going on here. Maybe he's making a big life change and is going to be all the better in life for it. Maybe you will see in him pursue a life dream and do what I wished my XABF could have done all those times he quit his job and talked about how it meant he could pursue his big dreams in the future and yet he only drank himself out of money and never left the house.
I agree you should sit back and let him make his choices. See what kind of man you are involved with. Until he comes hitting you up for money or some such thing, I don't see anything for you to lose sleep over.
Good for you for catching yourself!! That's your recovery shining through!!!!
Alice
*Several of my coworkers did the same.
I took time off and lived on savings while I pondered what to do with myself.
*One coworker went to work as a golf instructor, another a chef in training.
I made the life changing choice to go back to school and change careers.
*We are all making far less than we used to in this tough economy and yet we are all still happy we left and pursued work we love doing.
When people make a leap of faith into the unknown it's not always a bad thing. Sometimes making that leap is nerve racking and you need to connect with your supporters and even celebrate the daring move, sometimes take some time to get your bearings.
Maybe that is all that is going on here. Maybe he's making a big life change and is going to be all the better in life for it. Maybe you will see in him pursue a life dream and do what I wished my XABF could have done all those times he quit his job and talked about how it meant he could pursue his big dreams in the future and yet he only drank himself out of money and never left the house.
I agree you should sit back and let him make his choices. See what kind of man you are involved with. Until he comes hitting you up for money or some such thing, I don't see anything for you to lose sleep over.
Good for you for catching yourself!! That's your recovery shining through!!!!
Alice
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 60
I once also quit a high paying job, and went backpacking in South America for 7 months. Best decision I've ever made in my life. After I got back I knew what I wanted to do, and have been pursuing that course since.
Although, if I was in a relationship at that time, it wouldn't have survived.
And being nice is not a character defect. Not everything we want to do for people we care about has to be labeled as co-dependency. Sometimes it's just caring.
Although, if I was in a relationship at that time, it wouldn't have survived.
And being nice is not a character defect. Not everything we want to do for people we care about has to be labeled as co-dependency. Sometimes it's just caring.
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